Panic is an awful thing. It's a good thing it's mostly fleeting. Like a lightning strike--quick, shocking, painful. Though as it subsides there is this burning sensation left as you realize your insides have been cooked. I woke up with panic. I don't move quickly from our bed on most mornings but this morning, at around three, I flung myself from the grasp of the comforter and sheets as if they had been vines reaching to strangle the breath out of me. I didn't even realize I screamed but the noise echoed back at me in the silence of the house as I caught my breath on the floor where I had fallen in a tangle of limbs. I woke you since you drawl my name out. I hear you move across the bed and with the crack of light that filters in from outside the bedroom I can make out part of your face. Your brow is scrunched into concern. I look down at my shaking hands and try to relax. I hate worrying you like this.
"Come here." I grasp your outstretched arm and allow you to pull me from the floor and back onto the bed. You lift the blanket so that I can move in close, so that my skin is touching yours, so that I can feel the breath rising and falling beneath your ribs. I curl my legs closer to my chest and hold my arms close to me. My body is still shaking. My breath is still rapid and shallow. I feel the beginning of tears pricking at my eyes. You're tired I can tell. If you were more awake you'd question me right away. I'm trying to stop feeling the panic. I'm trying to just breathe. You wrap an arm around me and I hold it close to me. The gesture is enough to spill the tears from the rim of my eyes. My body shakes a bit as I try to fight them off. You squeeze me tight. I can feel you waking more fully now.
"I'm okay." Damnit. I don't sound okay. I really don't sound okay. The tears have transitioned to sobbing now. You pull my body so I'm on my back. You stare at me with concern.
"It's not okay." You whisper it. It's not a judgment. It's a concern.
"I'm sorry." I choke out between sobs.
"Don't apologize." You place a hand on my cheek. I know that tears are pooling there now. You lean your head down so that your forehead is against mine. I fight to catch my breath still.
"I love you." I mean it as a thank you, as an everything. I love you. I press my lips against yours. You return my kiss slowly. I open my lips and inhale shakily. My tears are subsiding, my panic forgotten. I press myself closer to you and kiss you again. Through my lips your tongue sweeps against my own. I move my hands down your arms and buck against you. I can feel you growing hard against my thigh. I press my body against yours and draw back. We create a rhythm of kissing, pulsing, stroking, moaning. You move your hand from my cheek and position yourself above me. You press your manhood against me and I gasp. You chuckle at how easily turned on I become by such a simple gesture. You're too far away and I rise up to kiss you and grab at the hair at the base of your neck. I run my hand through your hair, massaging your scalp. You break free from the kiss to sigh against my cheek. My hair has fallen behind my shoulder on that side and you move your mouth to my ear. You playfully tag it with your tongue and then take the edge in your teeth and suck. I buck against you. You move further down my neck leaving kisses and gently sucking. I can't stop gasping. I grab your hair tighter when you move to my breasts. I'm still wearing my bra. You smile mischievously at me. I lift my torso off the bed and you unhook the clasp and expose my nipples to the cold air. They've already grown taut and sensitive. You bend down and flick your tongue against one. Your breath warms and tickles before you begin to suck. I moan and you increase the pressure. I can feel my clit pulsing and my body growing wet down there. I press myself against your incredibly hard member. You switch to my other nipple as I awkwardly try to pull your boxers down. You pull away to laugh and pull them down yourself. You shift so you can pull your legs free and discard your briefs off the side of the bed. Seeing you fully erect turns me on even more. I want a closer look. I want to touch it. I want to lick it and watch you squirm and moan. I sit up so I'm kneeling and laugh.
There are a few tears still left on my face and I wipe them away. You see what I'm doing and take over with your own hands. You place kisses on my cheeks and my closed eyelids, then one against my forehead. We spend a moment with my head cradled between your bare chest and neck. Your hands stroke my back. Your fingertips trace the path of my spine and I press my bare breasts against you enjoying the feel. I feel you pulsing against my leg and remember my desire. I smile wickedly and press you down onto the bed. It takes you the briefest moment to realize what I'm up to. When you do your face turns from slightly confused to full of lust and anticipation. I take my time to position myself between your legs. I watch as you grow more erect just waiting. I trace your inner thighs with my fingertips. Brush you slightly with my hands, almost accidentally. It makes me giggle to see how much you have to struggle to contain yourself. I bend down and let my breath caress your shaft and tip before I press my tongue against the head. I lick you slowly, watching you clutch the pillow by your head. Your moan turns me on so much that I can feel my undies getting soaked. I bring the whole tip into my mouth and let it rest on my tongue which I let gently massage you. I press you in a bit further and then pull up. I need to make it a bit wetter so I move so I can lick your shaft and leave bits of moistness there.
I increase the pressure of my tongue on the underside of your shaft where there feels to be this ridge underneath. I feel the muscles in your thighs clench as you moan again. I cup your balls in my hand gently, watching to make sure I'm not hurting you or doing something wrong. Feeling satisfied I've moistened things up a bit I look up at you as I guide the tip back to my mouth. I let you rest on my bottom lip as I smile and as I know you're looking I take you in as far as I can. My nose presses against your groin and I feel you at the back of my throat and you moan. I press my tongue against your shaft to increase the pressure and tighten my lips as I pull up. I hope that you can feel my tongue massaging you and the increased pressure of my lips as I bob up and down a bit. I swirl the spit in my mouth around you at the same time. You squirm and can't stop moaning. God. I'm not sure I can concentrate anymore. I feel as if my body is on fire from your arousal. I want to make you come though. I know you will probably stop me before I do but I'm going to try anyways. So I moan with you in my mouth and increase the pressure a bit. Ha! I can feel you getting close. I bob faster for a moment then pull up and suck just the tip moving my tongue around the head exploring while I cup your balls again. I flash you a grin and push my hair back before I take you back in with a few long sensuous bobs before I moan again. I almost laugh at the way you buck and moan. You're close. You're gonna stop me. I go back to bobbing with more force again. Slowly building pressure and remembering to milk you with my tongue and mouth. I try to go as far as I can with each bob. And vary the tempo. I stop for a moment a few times with you at the back of my throat as I shift. Yep. You can't take it anymore. You pull away.
