The holidays went by uneventfully as we spent them in the country with our parents, and between family and the close quarters, there was no time for further discussion. Fortunately, Thomas had acted appropriately and wasn't pushing her or being indiscreet which allowed the memories to remain mostly positive. Like before, I wondered if we would return to our occasional role playing, although I wasn't sure that now having witnessed the real thing if it would suffice.
"I flirted with Zach today," my wife announced from the blue one Monday evening in late January.
I had been sitting on the couch watching TV, and Lauren had joined me after putting the kids to bed. Although I knew she was taking her car in for the inspection sticker, I was surprised by her admission, but somehow managed to remain expressionless.
"Tell me about it," I said in a flat, even voice.
"I...when I was waiting we started talking and I just kind of flirted," she replied, offering little detail.
She had changed from her work clothes and was now in her robe, and if she had followed her norm, underneath she would be dressed in a cropped t-shirt and thong for bed. I stared at her and after several seconds her face broke out in an impish smile.
"Are you serious or are you playing with me?" I asked.
"I'm serious! Isn't it what I'm supposed to do? How I'm supposed to act in Greg's strange, bizarro world?" she answered, now giggling a little.
"Well, then give me some details," I demanded.
"I told you. I flirted," she replied, and by her manner and words I suddenly realized that she was giving me a message.
"Do you have a meeting set up?" I asked, jumping past her flirtation trolling.
"What? Uhh..." she started, but got tongue tied and now it was me that was laughing.
I took her arm and pulled her towards me, turning as I fell back so we ended up lying next to each other with her pressed against the back of the couch. Now, somewhat trapped, I took her head in my hands and kissed her, working through her initial reluctance until she was passionately kissing back.
"Tell me what happened," I said again, as I held her tightly.
"No. You're being mean," she said in a made up pouty voice.
"Tell me sweetie," I whispered in a low voice, while my tongue found her earlobe.
First, she gave out a soft purr from my touch, then took a deep breath and started, "We were alone in the office after he looked at my car and, well we started chatting about things...you know just kind of talking. And...well, he kept giving me this look and staring at me like you know, he was interested."
"Honey, every man is interested in you," I whispered.
"That's not true," she replied, but when I started kissing her neck she continued, "I asked about his girlfriend and he said he didn't have one. Then, he asked about me and you and I guess I kind of gave off some signals."
"Why?" I broke from kissing her long enough to ask.
"He asked me if I wanted to meet for a drink," she answered, and now she had my full attention.
"When are you meeting him?" I asked, thinking I was being clever.
"Can you watch the kids Thursday?" she replied with no hesitation, which left me stunned.
"Of course, sweetie," I replied, although I wasn't entirely sure she wasn't toying me and playing for a reaction.
Over the next couple days, the subject of her meeting with Zach came up repeatedly and I became convinced that she was in fact telling the truth. Not surprising, the subject of birth control was raised as well, as neither of us thought it was a good practice to make emergency runs to the drugstore for the morning after pill. So, Lauren agreed she would see her OB/GYN about a diaphragm, but since she wasn't able to get an immediate appointment, she had to fall back on a sponge.
Thursday came, and as I sat at our house having dinner with the kids, I wondered where my wife was at that exact moment. Was she at some bar having a drink and talking to the mechanic or had they foregone the formalities and gone straight to bed. I thought it was unlikely she would jump to sex so quickly, but you never know...
When ten o'clock rolled around and Lauren hadn't come home, I began to imagine scenarios about what was going on, but when eleven arrived I began to get nervous. Twenty minutes later, I texted her a simple message of a question mark, and mentally kicked myself for not getting more info on where she was going. No reply came, and over the next hour I tried three more times, but got nothing back. Of course, by now I was getting quite worried, but with kids to watch and not wanting to involve the police, I really had no alternative but to sit and wait. Finally, at exactly 2:13 AM, while I was watching TV to try and stay awake, a text arrived.
"coming home," was all it said.
I tried to call, but there was no answer, so I was ecstatic when just a few minutes later I heard the garage door opening.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I stepped towards her car when she opened the door.
"I'm fine," she replied, and I noted nothing out of the ordinary in her appearance except a tired look.
I took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom where we separated so she could go into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out wearing her sleep attire, and I quickly stripped to my boxers and joined her in bed.
"Lauren, what happened?" I asked.
"Nothing, honey...nothing," she replied, showing some irritation.
"Well, come on tell me what you did all night," I pushed, as my hands wrapped around her body and pulled her to me.
"We met at Clough's and had several drinks then went to his place which was a complete dump. His roommate was there with another guy and a girl, and they were smoking pot," she started.
"Ohhh...okay, what happened?" I pushed.
"Zach started smoking and I stupidly took some and passed out," she explained.
Her description reminded me of numerous people I knew from my college days, and I had to stifle a laugh as I thought about the young guy that had an available and willing beautiful woman at the ready and couldn't make it happen. It was such a simple and straightforward story that instinctively I knew it had to be true.
"So, you just woke up?" I asked.
"I woke up with my blouse unbuttoned and his friends watching while he tried to get my bra off," she explained.
I thought about the silliness of Zach's approach and how completely disrespectful it was towards my wife. She was all his if he had been able to show the minimum level of style and decorum, but I guess it had proved too much. Now, I just wanted to make Lauren feel special after her long and wasted evening.
"Good, I'm glad," I whispered into her ear.
"Why sweetie?" she asked in a sleepy voice.
"Because now I get to have you all for me," I replied, and hugged her tighter.
My words seemed to resonate with her because she turned and soon we were locked in an embrace. That one led to a kiss and my hands began to fondle her tight bottom while hers went to the side of my face and tenderly caressed it.
"I'm sorry Lauren. No one should ever treat you like that," I told her.
Just a few minutes later, we were connected and I moved into her in a slow, gentle rocking motion. However, that was secondary as the real connection was the kissing and tender, loving words we said to each other. Both of us knew that it wasn't about an orgasm; that our connection was more important.
"I live for these moments," she whispered.
"Why, honey," I whispered back while kissing her neck.
"I know with absolute certainty that you love me," she replied.
"I'm a failure if you don't know that every single day," I responded, and after hearing her let out a sigh, I continued, "No more play Lauren."
"Why?" she asked, in a soft, sensual voice.
"You're too special to ever get treated this way," I answered, and instantly I felt her arms squeeze me.
We kissed and cuddled for another ten or fifteen minutes before we finally drifted off. Unfortunately, all too soon the alarm clock shattered our sleep and we were forced to meet the day with much too little rest.
In retrospect, I think it was seeing the box of contraceptive sponges on the shelf in the medicine closet the following week that reignited my thoughts. Staring at them, I was faced with the reality that they were meant only for the purpose of dealing with another man's deposit of seed in my wife's vagina. It should have been a disgusting thought, but in fact I found it exciting, almost exhilarating. However, at the same time, I didn't want my wife to be treated rudely again.
I supported Lauren's decision to cancel her appointment with her OB/GYN that she had set up to get a diaphragm. We talked about that method as an alternative to our use of condoms, but couldn't really see an advantage, and besides, the required use of contraceptive cream would likely take away from any oral play.
The following weekend, Lauren drove the kids out to their grandparents with the intent of dropping them off and returning to spend a quiet evening alone with me. Unfortunately, she had been delayed and left late, and when she arrived she decided she was too tired to return. Thus, I was by myself for the night and after several tumblers of whiskey I started thinking. It wasn't long before I was recalling the strange sequence of events that had occurred over the past several years. In fact, it was almost exactly two years since I first contacted Dr. Sturm about my disturbing thoughts and desires. Then, there was the admission to Lauren and her mostly supportive and playful acceptance that somehow culminated in the sex she had with her co-worker. That had come with lots of angst and self-doubt, but just when it seemed she might be getting into the concept, Zach's behavior destroyed the momentum. I knew I truly loved my wife and never wanted to see her upset, that was a given, and I challenged myself as to whether my desires could occur without damage.
As I contemplated the thought, still sipping on the liquor, I knew that if I was honest the answer was no. Yet, it wasn't just the impact to Lauren that needed to be considered, as I too had felt the emotional sting. Witnessing my wife's sex with Thomas, I had learned the reality could be far different than the fantasy. I had never considered that she might react different with another man. In all my thoughts, it had always been the wife I knew, reacting as she always had, just with a different body involved. Seeing her responses and hearing her sounds provided a powerful lesson about human sexuality, and I now realized that each man she was with would experience her in a different way. For hours, my mind churned around concepts of selfishness, possessiveness and betrayal, but each time I reached the point of declaring an end to everything, I returned to the anticipation and excitement I had felt, and much like a junkie, I knew I was hopelessly hooked.
"Let's get drunk," I said to Lauren as she stood next to me in the kitchen.
She had returned from our hometown about thirty minutes before, and we were nibbling on some left overs for lunch. In our early years of marriage, when there were no kids and very little money, we would occasionally spend the day getting hammered, which always led to a wild time in bed. We hadn't done it intentionally in years, but the look on her face let me know she was in.
