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Icewater and Sandwiches
A story by XXscribbler
She was going to die. Here and now. Literally. And in such a useless, incredibly stupid way! Tumbled violently in roiling, neck-deep icewater from some distant glacier. The forces on her were indescribable. Her nervous system was in shock, incapable of collecting information or providing instructions to muscles. There was a bottom to the stream, and sides, but no chance for a grip, nothing was stable, not even the direction from which she was being pummeled.
She was going to die. The tiny bit of her brain that wasn't overwhelmed with lack-of-air panic was busy composing her answer to Saint Pete's question: "I'm here, Sir, because of thermodynamics, buoyancy, and plate tectonics. Plus Murphy, of course." She could see the Saint's sardonic, disbelieving smirk already.
St. Pete would, of course, be pre-scientific, so she'd have to explain all that. What a bore! Thermodynamics because total immersion in icewater was already stripping her of body-heat. Try as it might, her internal engine couldn't heat this entire stream to 98.6°. A friend had once told her that survival time in freezing water was less than four minutes, if one didn't inhale the stuff from the shock of the immersion, in which case it was zero. She hadn't done that, at least. Not that it seemed likely to matter. Buoyancy because of her big, new, nearly-incompressible sleeping bag in its wonderful, completely-waterproof stuff-sack. That bag was fastened at the bottom of her backpack frame, and was now acting as a float, inconveniently holding her butt at the surface while forcing her head down into the water. A perfect, inverted Mae West lifejacket. Plate tectonics because those chunks of Earth's crust skating about had collided, and the plunging plate's friction caused Mount Rainier where she and her friends were camping. The Mountain had shrugged gently, just as she got to the middle of the log that bridged the stream in which she was now going to drown.
Just a joke by The Mountain. "Ha-Ha-who's-next?" Very funny! Murphy because without him (?her? - Important question! Why was Murphy always assumed to be male?), this concatenation could not have happened.
Surely she hadn't been in the water four minutes yet? She knew she couldn't hold her breath that long, and her lungs weren't filled with water. With that thought, the panic disappeared and she was bathed in a marvelous detachment. She studied her sensations: she was already far beyond cold, beyond really feeling anything at all from epidermal nerves. They were in deep shock.
Which way was up? She'd been chumed to the point her inner ear couldn't help any more. But it couldn't be more than about three or four feet to air, could it? Most likely her butt was exposed: too bad she couldn't breathe through her anus like some invertebrates. "That would be undignified!" passed through her mind.
Then BANG, something caught her squarely across the stomach, and she stopped while the water poured past, trying its damnedest to take her with it again. Her hands grabbed, found roughness, a big branch. She levered her body against the current, managed to raise her head, and broke through to the atmosphere, hauling in air to replace the overused stuff in her lungs. The world was full of great gasping sucking sounds, partly her breathing, partly the rushing waters. She clung there, her ability to think fading, and tried to decide how to proceed. It was very, very hard to think.
Other noises came to her through the roar of the water. She studied them: they had a familiarity. Voices? Yes, indeed. Her companions, shouting. Probably at her. Saying what? Hold on? Great advice! Of course, you silly shits, I'll be happy to oblige, at least until my muscles won't work any more, like say in thirty seconds? She looked about as best she could. There was the log she'd fallen from. God almighty, she'd only traveled about a hundred feet in the stream! From the neck down she was still underwater. Nothing waterproof about her clothes, they were sponges. And by now her pack wasn't just forty pounds, but probably three times that, full of ice-water. She doubted she would be able to stand with it if she were out on terra firma right now, just from the weight much less the cold.
More noises, and something tugging at her, from the side. Noises? More advice. "Let GO! TURN LOOSE!"
Did they think she was that stupid? Let go, indeed. Maybe she'd missed the initial word, surely it was "DON'T"'? She looked towards the voice: it was Matthew, knee-deep in the water, stretching to reach her. His pack was gone, and his parka. She studied his leg, the one in the water. The current made a foaming, gurgling wake downstream from his leg, like a pier piling in a tide. He was almost knee-deep, way over his boot-top. That was dumb, Matthew, she thought in slow motion... it's COLD, you'll fill the boot up and freeze your foot!
She watched, completely detached, as he strained towards her. That explained the tugging: he had ahold of the top rail of her pack-frame. On the bank behind him stood Mark, one hand around a branch of the tree she was snagged on, the other with a death-grip on Matthew's spare hand. The M&M's, they were known as, at work and socially. Her dulling mind seemed capable of inputting only one datum at a time now: she studied the mountain-rescue grip they were using, wrists overlapping. That was good.
She turned loose, more from declining ability to hold on than from obedience to Matt's command. Then she was ashore, stumbling up the steep bank, her legs almost but not quite collapsing. Matthew and Mark simultaneously dragged and pushed until she stood on the flat little flood-plain above the channel, streaming water from every pore of clothing, every opening in her equipage. She was shivering violently, to the point where she couldn't speak.
Click. Just like that, the danger shifted: drowning was no longer the problem, dying of exposure was. Matthew knew it, yelled at Mark "Get our tent out! Set it up NOW! Over there, under the tree. Fast, man, fast! We've gotta get her warmed up or she'll die!" Mark nodded, launched on the setup.
She watched, far too numb to move, as Matt began to strip her. She was shaking so hard that he had problems with fasteners and zippers. The pack went, then her sodden coat. He muttered "Sorry about this, but Thermodynamics 101 says you'll lose a lot less heat naked than you will with these wet clothes on, so they've got to go." She tried to help, couldn't make her fingers work, and he slapped them down, told her not to get in the way.
One comer of her mind was curious about why he was so proficient at undressing a woman, when he and Mark were an item, and had been for twenty years or so. She'd known them for eight of those years, from work. The two nicest, gentlest men she'd ever met, and the most thoroughly monogamous couple too. She and they had become good friends. Now, occasionally, they did things together - like this weekend camping trip: them in their tent, she in hers, otherwise nearly family. The men had even invited her to join their mostly-gay health club when she complained about being ogled at her own. They had been correct - that wasn't a problem for her at their institution, and with the sexual pressures lifted, she'd gotten good and buff, especially since the other guys were so nice about helping instruct "M&Ms' girlfriend"! M&M were fifty-two and forty-seven, both over six feet, both gay-pride muscled, just short of being body-builders.
Thank god for that strength, she thought dimly, as his fingers undid boot laces, yanked off boots, socks, pants, shirt. She wore no panties or bra. In two minutes he had her stripped naked in the bright sunshine and breeze of the mountain afternoon.
He was right: the below-freezing wind felt infinitely warm by comparison. God, but her mind was DULL! What next? She stared stupidly down at her boobs: their tips were puckered up into tiny gnarled-looking bumps. They ached. She supposed that was a good sign, being aware of the discomfort, and tried to hug herself but failed. She couldn't move, it was not only impossible, but who would want to do so? Was some sort of hypothermic euphoria or lassitude settling over her? That was bad, bad, bad!
Matt picked up his parka, wrapped her in it. It was almost big enough to be a sleeping bag for her. Then he pulled himself inside, too. He had to wrap her arms around his waist, she couldn't do it herself, but even to her slowed-down mind the warmth felt good. And she wasn't exactly numb, it was more like being a walking impacted wisdom tooth, all over. Ugh. She clung to him as best she could.
He shouted at Mark, "Hurry! Get the sleeping bags open and into the tent. NOW!" Mark had already worked magic: their big three-man tent was up, a little lopsided, but up. He yanked their sleeping bags from their sacks, shook them out, shoveled them inside. Matt picked her up in his arms and carried her bodily into the tent in a high-speed knee walk. He stuffed her between the bags, then turned to Mark and said "Strip, dude. We have to use our body heat to warm her up... she's way deep hypothermic and won't be able to do it herself. Once it's that cold, a person's body can't get going again without help!"