I Said Nothing Not No Thong

Author's note:

This is part of the special

750 Word Project 2024

. All entries are limited to exactly 750 words, which is intentionally very short. Read them all and remember that to vote and comment on all the stories. 750 words begins below this line.

*

"Listen. All that kidding around, about hating you? I meant it," I said to Lisa, smiling and giving her an awkward hug after helping her load her car.

"I hate you more," she smiled back. I made sure my hug involved leaning forward a bit and leading with my right shoulder against her left shoulder to keep the hug innocent. There was nothing scandalous between us, but people seemed to think otherwise. And something told me that people were watching from the office's third-floor window.

"Knock 'em dead," I said as my good friend Lisa left for a great new job. We had a playful friendship, mostly creative insults, practical jokes, and pretending we were grave enemies. I glanced up at the window: four silhouettes. We had been watched.

We held an impromptu team meeting that afternoon to plan our reshuffled work duties, me standing by the whiteboard, writing. Sharon, my counterpart, asked "What'll you do without Lisa to insult, Jack?" Sharon and I were a few years older than everyone else on the team.

I looked around the conference table playfully. "I guess I'll need a new person to hate," I joked.

"It'll be easy. Because we all REALLY hate you," Cathy, the youngest member of our team joked, expertly slipping a double meaning into 'really.' Everyone laughed.

Sharon nodded, adding, "Lisa was just our spokesperson," graciously deflecting away from the illicit romance allegations. Everyone laughed again.

I started a new list on right corner of the whiteboard and titled it 'Jack's List.' "I'll get you," I joked and pointed menacingly, writing Sharon's last name, then Cathy's. "You first, Smith. Then you, Johnson. Both of you!" They scoffed in mock derision.

And so began the new dynamic with Cathy and Sharon. Cathy usually chose my age for most of her insults while humorously sparing Sharon, since Sharon was "A whoooole year younger," as Cathy would say.

Cathy and occasionally Sharon would also sometimes tease me about Lisa. "Tell me," Cathy would say almost daily, often when only Sharon was in earshot.

"Nothing," I would reply as they responded with eyerolls, headshakes, or exasperated retorts.

Next Wednesday evening, the three of us worked late. Sharon and Cathy had offered to help with the monthly reconciliations, something Lisa and I used to do.

"So, is this where you and Lisa got it on?" Cathy patted my desk. And is that another gray hair?" Cathy squinted at my head. She was next to me, with Sharon reading numbers out loud from her cubicle behind us. We had a system. Sharon called numbers, Cathy checked them, and I typed.

"Nothing Happened! And you caused that gray hair!" I replied.

"Suuuure," Cathy said sarcastically.

Sharon chuckled. "ABC Corp., $58.15."

"It's not 'that' gray hair. It's THOSE gray hairs. Thousands of them!" Cathy retorted.

"Just you wait!" I replied, as I typed the adjusted amount for ABC Corp. Into the reconciliation log.

"Impossible. $58.15, confirmed." I wasn't sure what was impossible, but our kidding around continued.

At 7:57, I hit "Submit". An error. We had less than three minutes to fix it. I printed the log, and Cathy ran to the printer for it. From the door of the printer room, she shouted back, "Line 77, ABC, should be $58.15, you typed $58.51, Fool!"

"Fixed. Your fault!" I shouted back, falsely blaming her for my error.

"Finally!" Cathy shouted, walking back. "Print the confirmation page. And for the last time: Tell us what the hell was up with you and Lisa? Nobody believes your 'nothing' crap."

Shaking my head at the irony, I said, "Nothing. I promise."

"Okay. Supposing there had been something, would you say anything different?"

"Well, no. But really. Nothing."

"I give it up," Cathy said exasperatedly. "Ready?" She looked at Sharon.

They both stood up, lifted their skirts, hooked what I instantly recognized as their skimpy thongs, and pulled them down and stepped out of them. "Maybe he was saying 'No Thong?' I know Lisa never wore underwear."

They tossed their thongs at me, then pulled their dresses up above their waistline, revealing two spectacularly hairless pussies. "And this," Cathy said with a flourish of her hand over their pussies, "is why we can't have gray hair."

"You did say you'd get us, didn't you?" Sharon smirked, as she leaned over the desk and hiked her dress up onto her back. "Me first. Then her?"

"Nothing, huh?" Cathy asked, as she leaned over the desk next to Sharon.

"Nothing," I smiled.