I smell him before I see him. He's behind me. Close. Close enough for us to share body heat. Not close enough though. I want him and the smell of him makes me wet. I want him. He's not mine to have, I know that, and I also know he never will be. I turn around as if to fuck off to the toilets or something. The freaky mind-melt thing we share at work makes him lean towards me and as soon as he does, I know that whatever else happens, I have to leave. Although right now I'm not going anywhere. He is too close for comfort, the small gap between us full of static. Careful not to look at him, I mime my goodbyes to the group and start backing away in the general direction of the exit. Everyone is on their final round of drinks and merriment is abundant. He leans in for a hug and we touch briefly, my nipples so hard I think they might be poking through the bra padding. He doesn't look at me directly either. I hear him half shouting his goodbyes and when the boss manages to drag the remains of our group to the dancefloor for one final hustle, I slip away muttering some lame excuse that gets lost in a din of techno mashups.
I know it's now or never. There is no doubt I am headed for trouble. If I stayed, at best I will make a complete tit of myself, at worst I will do something entirely inappropriate, and that's that. He will know I am a lecherous middle-aged asshole and any boundaries we have at work will be gone. I hadn't expected him to look this good though. Well, he is young, it goes a long way for most people, but the suit fits him nicely. No goofy denim cutoffs and frat tee. The stubble is nice as well. I can't help thinking how it would feel against my cheek, top or bottom. I push through the incoming crowds to the coat check. There is a bit of a line, most are on their way in, the fun young ones. I am feeling flushed and a little drunk, my body full of nervous energy that seems to be mounting.
Before I even reach the counter, a hand snakes around my waist and pulls me to the side, steering me towards some stairs beside the entrance. I don't have to turn around to see who it is. He jostles me gently through the rope with a small sign that says, staff only. Before I know it, we are standing in front of a door in a small hallway at the top of the stairs. He reaches for the knob. 'No, this can't happen' my brain is screaming. I brace myself against the door and push away, into him. His grip tightens, pulling me even closer. I can feel his erection. He's a big boy. I knew he would be. I try twisting and almost succeed in wriggling away but he spins me around.
"I can smell you" he says.
He is defiantly looking at me now.
"I know"
His impossibly blue eyes are burning into mine.
"It would be a mistake" I try saying, but the only thing out of my mouth is a soft whisper of "mistake".
"I know, don't care"