I gasped and quickly averted my eyes as I saw him walk into the college class room. I felt his eyes on me, but tried to look elsewhere.
It'd been a year, but it looked like Chance had finally moved back to Georgia. We'd dated our first year of grad school, and it certainly hadn't just been a fling for me. I fell hard for him, maybe even loved him. I wasn't too sure at this point. Regardless, he left to go back to his hometown in Texas, soon reconnecting with an ex girlfriend he'd had there. I remembered it like it was yesterday.
I'd planned a really nice dinner at my place for our one year anniversary, complete with flowers, candles, and some of the best cooking I'd ever done. He was supposed to come over at 7, and once 7:20 hit I started feeling worried. The laid back person he was, I was accustomed to him being late, but twenty minutes was usually longer than he allowed. I called his cell phone, but he didn't answer, and finally he came rushing in at 7:45.
"Chance...are you ok...? You were supposed to be here nearly an hour ago...I was really worried..."
"Jeannie...look I have to talk to you...why don't you sit down..."
A knot formed in my stomach, but I did as he asked and sat at the decorated table, "What's going on Chance...?"
He sighed looking completely vulnerable and conflicted, "Baby I'm really sorry I was late...but I got a visit from my mom...Look...my dad is...he's sick. They didn't want to tell me because I was here, with you, trying to get my life together, but he's really really sick now.."
I caught my breath studying him closely as his eyes began to water. He looked away from her furiously rubbing them. My heart was breaking for him, and I placed a soft hand on his shoulder whispering, "Chance it's ok...just tell me honey."
His voice broke against his will as he broke down, "Jean you know how frail my mom is. She can't take care of him by herself anymore, and I have to go home. I..I have to take care of him. I don't know how long we have with him."
At this point, this is what I'd expected him to say, but it still brought tears to my eyes to hear him say it. "Hey," I mumbled pulling him to me, "it's ok...we'll get through this right? I can't go to Texas with you, but I'll be here for you every step of the way..."
He pulled me to him and kissed my breath away, pouring his emotions into me, needing me. We'd made love like no other night that night, but soon he was on a plane back to Texas, and I was completely alone.
We'd tried to make the distance work, but I couldn't be there with him, and Shelly could. Oh, Shelly. Blonde, perky, beautiful, she was his ex-girlfriend who'd broken his heart once before. And she ended up getting his heart back after he'd been in Texas for three months. Finally he called and told me that the distance wasn't working, and that he thought he and Shelly were really reconnecting, and he was "so so so very sorry."
I'd love to say I handled it with pure grace. But I would sooo be lying. I cried and tried to convince him that I was good for him. That I could be better to him than her, and she would just hurt him again and again. It wasn't enough. He just sighed with pity, wished me a good life, and told me goodbye.
And I'd love to say I was soon over him, and moved on with my life. But I would, again, be lying. I have thought about him every single day. I cried, and cried and cried. I even threw away the pictures of him, then dug them out of the trash. Hell, I was a mess. A complete and total mess.
But one day I woke up convincing myself that I had to change. I would move on. I was better than this. I was a professional, damn it! So I did what every woman does when they reinvent themselves. I died my hair a fiery red, and got bangs. I started going to the gym. I wasn't large by any means, but I got in shape, my average body becoming pretty rocking, if I do say so myself. I got contacts. I got new clothes. And I felt a hella good about myself. That had all been over the summer.
And then he walked into my class room, first day of the semester. Looking incredible in his fitted jeans and button up, his hair just a little longer than when I last saw him.
I immediately looked down at myself, thanking God I took time to look decent that day in my light make up, skinny jeans, heels, and black and white striped fitted top.
He looked startled when he saw me, doing a double take and not hiding it very well since I could see it out of the corner of my eye.
He carefully crossed to the opposite side of the room, now trying to keep himself from staring, and I smiled. You know that song "Gives You Hell" by the All American Rejects? Yeah, that was soooo going through my mind.
The class passed by quickly, and I was soon heading out the door when a hand grabbed my arm, "Jeannie?"
I smiled, and turned to face Chance, giving me searching eyes. I, of course, played coy as if I hadn't seen him there before now, "Chance? Oh hey. When did you get back?"
He looked at me incredulously, eyeing my new look with shock, "What...when did you do all this?" he asked ignoring my question.
"Oh you know. I've sorta been experimenting. I love it."
He just nodded, his eyes still on me, but remained silent.