Hum-Drum Holiday

The Bahamas! For Christmas! My parents are certifiably insane. When you are raised in New England, how can you possibly think that a cruise in 100-degree heat is festive for the holidays?

Alas, they said that after raising four kids, three of who were not going to make it in for the holiday, they deserved a new and different treat for themselves this year. "Just forget about me, " I told them. "Don't worry that now I'll have to find something to do for the holidays."

Of course, this just launched my mother into another one of her 'you are 32-years-old, don't you think it's time you settled down?' tyrants.

Back when my mother was young, everyone was married, with children, by the time they were twenty-five. It was almost as if I was a disgrace for her, to have crossed the barrier into my thirties and still be single. It wasn't that I was unattractive, nor had I lacked boyfriends (I was even engaged…once.) over the years. However, my mother could not seem to grasp the fact that things had changed since she was young and it was not every woman's life-long dream to be barefoot and pregnant by the time she was twenty. Nor do women nowadays, with the divorce and infidelity rate such that it is, want to rush into a settled life with a partner who is only going to wreck her life at some point, leaving her alone and defeated.

My Pessimistic Attitude. This is the one point that my mother and I agree on. Of course, I prefer to think of it as My Practical Attitude.

My basic problem, if I were to narrow it to one thing, is that I want Prince Charming with a lifetime guarantee. I refuse to settle, thereby making the alternative to be alone.

And these were my thoughts during my drive to my holiday destination. I had come close to finding my prince, of sorts, once before. Or so I thought. I just had to keep looking…

It had been the big day. The wedding. My best friend was finally starting her life with the man of her dreams. She gave hope to the rest of us. Of course, some of the rest of us might also simply be looking for a little meaningless sex, but hey – you never know what could happen.

He was Best Man to my position as Maid of Honor. I lived out of state, as did he, so we had never met until the day of the wedding, in the back of the church, a mere ten minutes before the start of the ceremony. His plane had been delayed the day before due to inclement weather, so he had missed the Friday evening rehearsal and dinner. The next day, it was he, not the groom, who was reciting "get me to the church on time".

I had snuck to the side of the church, where Mike, the groom, and his groomsmen where patiently waiting. Mike was calm, cool, & collected – considering that he was not only about to walk down the aisle, but that his Best Man, Trevor, had just passed through the doorway. My back was to the door and I swung around as I heard it open.

"Finally!" Mike yelled.

Trevor smiled, greeting the familiar faces in the room. "Man, do you really believe that I would let you down on this – the biggest day of your life?"

Trevor's dark eyes met mine. Realizing my unfamiliarity, he proceeded to look me up and down, and smiled in approval. As his eyes inched their way across my body, I felt tingles spreading throughout it. My breathing was suddenly very heavy and I wasn't quite sure where I was. Panicking, I rushed toward him.

"I assume you are Trevor. I'm Missy and it's nice to finally meet you," I began, straightening his tie. "I'm sure we'll talk more later, but right now, there is a wedding that is about to start."

"I finally meet the infamous Missy! And believe me," his eyes locked on mine, "we will definitely talk more later".

I pulled my eyes from his, chastising my mind and body for the tremendously inappropriate thoughts I was having in this house of God. I pulled a tissue from the nearest box and reached up to begin patting the sweat from his brow, my body leaning lightly against him.

"The church is air-conditioned. We can't have you sweating profusely, looking more nervous than the groom".

"Yes ma'am," was all he said as he glanced down at where our bodies met. My breasts brushed against his arm as I was wiping his face. The electric current that flowed through my body was more than I could handle.

Grabbing my bouquet I raced from the room, silently cursing myself as I made my way to the back of the church. I let Nicole, the bride and my best friend of twenty years, know that Trevor had arrived and we were ready to go. She sensed something unsettling in my eyes.

"What's the matter, Missy? Is something wrong? Does Trevor have the wrong tux? Is the singer not here? What?"

"Nothing, Nicole. You look absolutely beautiful. Everything is perfect and running according to plan. Don't worry about a thing."

The music cued and we were on our way.

I managed, barely, to contain my composure throughout the ceremony and during the beginning of the reception, despite the fact I felt Trevor's eyes on my every move. At one point during the ceremony, when I had bent over to straighten Nicole's gown, I caught him gazing down my dress. Not that the dresses did much to conceal anything. They were strapless, snug, and fire engine red (that, fortunately, is a great color for me). They were certainly not subtle and I questioned Nicole's choice, asking her if she found them appropriate for the church.

"Hey, I've got my man and his eyes are on me. There is nothing wrong with showing my favorite girls off a bit. There will be plenty of single guys there, since Mike is the first of his cronies to get married. You never know who you might meet."

I found confidence in the fact that I knew I looked great. That was until I found myself face to face with Trevor, ready to hit the dance floor for our customary dance. With Nicole's words ringing in my head, I had a fleeting thought that she may have meant Trevor. However, everything got hazy has we proceeded to the dance floor.

"I love the way you move, Missy".

My eyes flashed up at his. "Well, if that doesn't sound like a typical bar pick-up line, I don't know what does!" I immediately regretted the statement, knowing how my sarcastic mouth often gets the best of me.

Mike pulled me closer, molding my body with his. After a few quick turns on the dance floor he said, "Wow. Despite mentioning your many attributes, Mike neglected to tell me that you don't take compliments well."

So they had talked about me. And from Nicole's comment, she and Mike had probably talked about me. Wonderful.

"Let's chalk it up to one to many bad pick-up lines in my day."

He laughed. "I can imagine they come in floods. Tell me, how is it that Nicole managed to nail down Mike, yet you are still available?"

"Why do you presume to think that I am 'available'? Just because you haven't seen anyone with me tonight…"

"Mike told me that you and your fiancé broke up a few weeks ago."

"Oh." I paused. "Well, tell me, what else have you and Mike discussed where I am concerned?"

I suddenly noticed that his hand was lightly stroking my lower back. The realization sent shivers up my spine. I was suddenly sure I felt his hardness growing against my stomach. My sharp intake of breath prompted Trevor to ask if anything was wrong. I told him no, and asked him to continue.

"Well," he began, "he told me that you were probably the one person in this world that would not put up with me and my 'player' ways. Besides, I feel that it's time that I settle down."

"Whoa, there!" I said, startled. "Don't you think you are going a bit fast? We just met! You. Me. Settled?!?"

"Calm down, darling. He was kidding," he winked seductively. "I think."

The song ended, however, our time together didn't. Every time I turned around he was with me. I even thought he was going to follow me to the ladies room. Finally, a bit unsettled by his stalker tactics, I asked him if he was ever going to give up.

"Hey, give me a break. Please? Aside from the bride, groom, and his parents, you are the only other person I know here."

"Trevor, you are single, attractive, somewhat charming, and there are dozens of single women here waiting to throw themselves at the Best Man. I am going to get some fresh air. You should go mingle."

I slipped out the door. I was aggravated with him and the way he seemed to think I should just immediately reciprocate his apparent attraction. I was upset with myself for wanting to. What was wrong with me? I never jump at men – ever – and here is a seemingly great guy that won't leave me alone and I keep pushing him away. Trevor and those perfectly seductive eyes. Mike certainly wouldn't attempt to fix me up with someone who he felt would harm me. Even one with the sexiest, most devilish smile I had ever seen. And Nicole knows Trevor rather well. She wouldn't push him towards me without good reason. Trevor - the perfect guy with the arms that I could easily melt in over and over again.

As I glanced out over the dimly lit golf course at the country club, a pair of arms reached around me, a glass of champagne in each. A solid figure pressed against my back, a raspy, sense-tingling voice whispered in my ear.

"Can we call a truce and start again?"

I didn't turn around immediately. I just held silent for a moment. I was going crazy. What did I have to lose?

Finally, I slowly turned around with my eyes lowered. My arms pressed against his chest, I slid my hand upward. My eyes followed it and they both came to rest softly on his lower lip. I lightly traced my finger back and forth across it. His intake of breath told me that he was about to speak. I pressed my finger vertically over his lips, silencing him. His hands, still holding the champagne, dropped slowly to rest on the balcony railing. I then replaced my finger with my lips, which lightly grazed his with just a whisper of a kiss. I leaned back from him, finally lifting my eyes to his. He seemed as if he was looking deeper into me than anyone ever had before. All of my desires seemed to be there for him to see. I leaned back towards him, his mouth pressing against mine. A quiet moan escaped my lips.

The loud crash of crystal snapped us apart. Apparently, while caught up in the moment, Trevor had lost his hold on the glasses. Fortunately we were on the first floor, so they simply crashed down into the rocky bank lining the little stream flowing along the building.

I looked at him and tried to suppress a giggle. "Congratulations! It looks like you just cost the happy couple about $50, darling."

"You know, I do love to hear you call me 'darling'. I could get used to that."

Before I could respond to his pleasing assumption, Nicole's mom interrupted us.

"Missy, Trevor…we could use you inside. They are starting the bridal dance shortly."

Gathering my senses, I quickly responded for the both of us, stating that we would be right in.

It was an entire year before I saw or spoke – out loud – of Trevor. The rest of the reception was a blur and we never really got to talk again. Trevor flew out the next morning. . After the wedding, in order to create some distance between Jeff, my ex-fiancé, and myself I had moved back to our hometown and saw Nicole often. She never mentioned Trevor. I had never mentioned the incident to Nicole, for fear of her putting undo pressure on the matter and trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. I assume Trevor didn't mention it to Mike either, since he would have needed to get my number from him if he wanted to call me. All in all, after some time I reluctantly wrote off the evening to a cruel joke by the gods of would-be fate. Although, I hate to admit that I'd spent far too much time wondering 'what could have been'

Then came the weekend of the big move. The rumblings were that Trevor was going to be in town to help out. Our first face-to-face since the wedding. I could try to avoid him, however, I didn't really think it was possible without looking ridiculous. Nor did I honestly think I wanted to avoid him. As unreasonable as it may sound, I was actually looking forward to seeing him. I figured that this would be the perfect opportunity to 'wash that man right out of my hair'!

Being the morning people that we are Nicole and I were up and running at 6am, moving small boxes via our cars from their rented apartment, to their new, beautiful, spacious abode thirty minutes away. Anxious to start a family, Nicole insisted they wouldn't until they found the proper house to raise children in, as she had no intention of bringing them up in an apartment building.

We figured that with all of the people coming to help, we could easily finish the job in one day. The plan, thankfully, was that Nicole and I would remain on the receiving end at the new house, with a few guys using the trucks to haul the furniture and belongings that Mike and his crew – including Trevor – would pack from the apartment.

I knew that the last load would be coming shortly, just as I knew that Trevor would be apart of it. However, I was so absorbed with unpacking boxes in the study and loading books onto the shelves that I was quite startled at the voice behind me.

"I think this is the computer and related equipment. Where should I put it?"

The sound of Trevor's voice after all this time practically made me jump out of my skin. So much for subtly. When I turned around, I caught his quick realization of who I was that washed over his face. Apparently he wasn't aware that it was I when he first spoke. We stood there like two fools just staring at each other. Trevor started to teeter with the heavy box and his loss of balance broke our silence as I crossed the room to help him.

"Here, let me help you with that," I offered. "I suppose that next to the desk is as good as anywhere else. The placement of the desk is still under great debate, so I can't very well set the computer up yet."

As we lowered the box onto the floor, I caught Trevor's eyes as they traveled from my face to my cleavage as my loose tank top fell forward. I jumped back awkwardly as his hands grazed mine when we released the box.

I can't explain what it was exactly, but something in that moment had changed my twisted thought process and my entire perspective on the situation. Yes, there was the immediate look of what can only be described as lust in his eyes. At the wedding, his overt charm to me – a virtual stranger – that seemed a bit out of place. Different portions of our limited conversation, particularly his words "my 'player' ways" started ringing in my head. How could I have been so stupid? He wasn't changing his 'player ways'. He was using them on me! I had stupidly allowed myself to believe that there could be a mutual, serious attraction between the two of us – something more than just a one-night stand. In all actually, apparently that's all he wanted after all.

An immediate coldness traveled throughout my body. I needed to get away from him lest I explode in some kind of misunderstood psychotic rage. My temper was truly not one of my strong suits. I don't know what I found more infuriating – that he would use my best friend's wedding as a way of getting some from me or that I had allowed myself to believe that it could ever be something more. Mind you, this mental accusation combined with very weak supporting evidence was what was making me upset. In my mind, my vulnerability from my break-up, combined with the marriage ideals or lasting love and happily-ever-after had gotten the best of me that night. Silently, I vowed that it wouldn't happen again.

"Hey, Missy! Thanks for the help. How the hell have you been?" Mike asked.

"Fine, thank you."

He stared at me, seemingly stunned by the coldness of my reply.

"I am so happy to see you…"

"Is that so?" I interrupted.

"Well, sure." He stared at me, perhaps realizing that I was a little different from the last time we met. "I was really hoping that we could get back together during the wedding reception. When that didn't happen, I was going to get your number from Mike, but…"

"Trevor, there is really no need to explain. You don't owe me any kind of explanation for the fact that your pursuit of me was cut short. It was probably for the best. Although, I am curious as to why you put so much effort into pursuing me when there were plenty of women there that evening who would have been happy to keep your bed warm that night."

"What? You didn't really think that I – " he began.

"What I think is irrelevant. What I know is that I virtually made a fool of myself, letting my guard down and getting caught up in the magic of the day. In retrospect, I realize that it was like being hit on at a bar and pursued for a one-night stand – I was just deceived by a different, fancier setting." I said with a hateful nature that I knew was just a cover for my wounded ego.

Trevor stepped closer to me and grabbed my arms. The electric shock again made a jolt through my body.

"Missy, you don't seriously believe –"

Nicole's voice broke in, "Hey everyone, hot pizza and cold beer here! Come and get it while it lasts!"

I was very thankful that Nicole interrupted when she did. I didn't want to find out how I would react to Trevor's excuse, whatever it was. For as much as I was totally prepared for a complete line of bullshit, the intoxicating feeling that swept over my body while standing next to him in the room was sure to impair my rationale.

"Great! I'm starving." I said as I broke free from his grasp and walked out of the room.

"Missy! Wait, I – " Trevor began again before he realized I was far down the hall.

While we were eating, I noticed that Trevor kept trying to catch my glance and it took every effort not to get caught. I was completely disheveled and Nicole kept asking me if I was okay. I told her that I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to finish my work in the study, then head home and I would return to help her finish in the morning.

"Don't be silly," she said. "You have been busting your ass for days helping me out. Just go ahead and leave now. You are not looking well at all. Are you sure that you are just a little ill?"

"Yeah, I think I'm fighting the onset of the flu. At little rest and I'll be fine."

Trevor had gone to the bathroom and I took that opportunity to get the hell out of there. I gave Nicole and Mark a hug and told them I'd see them later in the week. I waved to the rest of the guys as I headed out the door, amazed at how much lighter the air felt as I placed distance between my 'sickness' and myself. I felt bad lying to Nicole, but I didn't want to put her in the middle of an increasingly bad situation.

As I drove on, I realized that in retrospect, I knew that Trevor was not simply trying 'to get in my pants' as I had so blatantly accused him of. I was such a chicken shit. I was afraid of getting hurt, yet afraid of letting myself be happy. Just being near Trevor stirred things inside me that I wasn't ready to face. Was it bad memories from past experiences? Was it my own neurotic insecurities? Whatever the case, I had to allow for the possibility that I could face it, get past it and lead a semi-well-adjusted life.

And if I did manage to straighten myself out, it certainly wouldn't be with or for Trevor. Nicole, knowing that my parents had hit the high seas for the holidays, insisted that I come to her house. Subsequent conversations with her, after I had agreed to spend Christmas day at her house, of course, let me know that Mike had invited Trevor in for the holiday also. Excuse me. That would be Trevor and his fiancé.

As I was maneuvering my car through the twists and turns of the secluded mountain roads, one question rang over and over again in my head.

Could my holiday possibly get worse?

I pulled into my friends' driveway, unloaded the gifts from my car, and crept my way along to the front door. Falling on my ass in the snow before I'd even gotten in the door would make a great first impression to the bitc-err, lovely woman that won Trevor's heart.