The entire place was clean, so much so that I could smell nothing but bleach and my eyes were stinging. For a moment I tried to convince myself that the bleach was why I was still crying, but I knew better. Emotional break downs lead to clean apartments. Standing in the middle of my immaculate living room in my black sweatpants and white t-shirt, I suddenly felt trapped. The breeze from the window was crisp and reeked of autumn, and I knew I needed to be out there. I grabbed my hoody, zipped it up, and practically ran out the door.
About a half mile down the road I realized flip-flops were a bad choice, but I couldn't go back. I was a strong woman, but even the strong break down sometimes. The pressure I put on myself was to blame, and I knew I would be fine after a walk and some more tears. I knew better than to fight it, and just let them fall. The cold air left my cheeks cold and stinging. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew exactly where I would end up; the creek.
About a half an hour later I made it to my destination. Nestled in the middle of the park was a small creek surrounded by large rocks. I made the short climb to my favorite rock, and planted myself on it. I tucked my knees below my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. I looked around at the beauty of my favorite spot, and felt the tears start to well up again. I sighed a sigh of annoyance, and let them start to fall. I buried my face in my forearms and allowed the tears to be soaked up by my sweatshirt, the cool breeze ticking the loose hairs on the back of my neck that broke loose from my ponytail.
"Kate?" My head shot up and looked around. Standing in middle of the path I made to get to the creek was Miles. Miles and I were in a study group together and I had a flash of a memory where I told him about this place. We were all talking about our favorite places, and while the others in the group blabbed on and on about the Bahamas and Tahoe, Miles and I had a branched off, like we usually did, and I told him about my rock at the creek. I don't think he ever told me his...
"Miles!" I croaked, turning away from him and wiping the tears from my face.
"Shit, Kate, are you hurt?" I heard him making his way up the rock, and felt a sudden overwhelming feeling of shame that he was going to see me like this.
"No...no, I'm ok. I just came out here to enjoy the weather." I could hear that he had made his way to the top of the rock, and my back was still to him as I tried to discretely blow my nose and clean myself up to face him.
"But I thought I heard you crying..."
I chuckled a little and turned towards him, looking up at him since he was standing while I was still sitting. "Oh, I am." I laughed again, and the tears began to fall again. I was not looking forward to having to explain myself. I didn't want to admit how weak I was. I didn't want to show him, or anyone, that part of me.
I buried my face in my hands and felt him sit down next to me. He didn't say a word, and I felt his arm slide across my shoulders, pulling me ever so slightly towards him. I dived into him, filling my hands with fistfuls of his shirt as I sobbed into his chest. He held me to him, rocking back and forth slightly as I soaked his shirt with my shameful flood of emotion. I don't know how long we sat there, but soon my sobs had calmed down to only a few little hiccups here and there, and my hands hurt from holding his shirt so tight.
I loosed my fists and placed my palms against his chest. He was still rocking back and forth, and I kept my eyes closed and savored the absolute feeling of comfort I was feeling. It had been a long time since I had been this close to someone physically, and I had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be comforted. I let him rock me, feeling the light pressure of his cheek against the back of my head where he had let it rest.
As the crying died down I was able to breathe through my nose again. Miles smelled like dryer sheets, and it made me smile to myself a little. I noticed that I had started unconsciously rubbing my thumb back and forth on his chest, and stopped instantly. Miles felt pretty solid. I had never noticed before. I usually went for bigger guys, and while Miles was taller than most, he seemed a little too thin to me. But now I could feel his strong arms around me, and his lean muscles under my hands, and I had a sudden urge to bury my face in his neck and kiss it softly.
I stiffed in his arms, and I could tell he noticed because he stopped rocking. It was just the physical connection, I told myself. It had been a long time since I had let anyone touch me. I wasn't one of those people you hugged every time you saw them. I started to pull away, and he didn't resist. I kept my gaze down as I sat up in front of him, mumbling an "I'm sorry," as I wiped a few straggler tears from my face. I looked up at him, seeing a sad look on his face as he reached across the space between us, put his hand on the side of my face and wiped a tear away with his thumb.
I startled him as lunged at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and placing my lips firmly on his. My kisses were hungry, and at first he kissed backed like a guy who just got attacked by a tear stained woman sitting on a rock in the middle of a huge park. But then he was kissing me back, just as hungry, placing his hands on the side of my head as he pulled my face closer. My mouth opened and his tongue was there instantly, making me moan at the pure pleasure of it.
Knowing there was enough of the rock behind him I started to push forward, forcing him to straighten his legs as I placed mine on either side of his. He broke free of my kisses for a moment, "Kate...Kate, wait..." as I continued pushing him backwards, my lips only half an inch away from his.