I was really fed up of looking at the same picture on the ceiling, why couldn't they put a mirror up there. Then at least I would be able to see myself? I suppose the NHS couldn't run to a mirror. I was determined to get it changed, especially if I was going to be in here much longer.
"I'm sorry Claire, but you are unlikely to leave here for at least the next three months, you have a serious spinal injury and you have to let nature take its course." Mr Adams looked as miserable as I felt.
I'd already been there eight weeks, but at least he promised to get me a different scene to look at. Spring was nearly here and at least I had my own room with ample sunshine. When it shone that is. Not a dull ward full of people, all coughing and snoring all night and incidentally, all older than me. I could here the birds singing in the trees, even if I couldn't see the trees! I had no problem seeing the clouds, but unfortunately clouds didn't make much noise.
Eight weeks, it felt like an eternity and another three months would be a prison sentence. Mind you, if I had paid more attention to what I was doing in gymnastics, instead of thinking about the man to whom I had given my virginity, only three weeks before, I probably wouldn't have lost my grip and come down on the lower asymmetric bar in the first place. I had a serious injury, but thankfully I was going to be able to walk again, in time and with years of physiotherapy. Considering the severity of the injury and the site of the fracture, I was very lucky that I had not permanently lost any of the usual sensations either. In the end I was there a total of eight months.
It was nearly visiting time, the highlight of the day, especially when the only other events of the day included, drugs rounds, bed pans, which I couldn't use anyway and blanket baths. Visiting was only once a day between 7pm and 8pm. The hospital was a specialist orthopedics centre and I was allowed a little longer for visitors, until 8.30pm as my family had a long way to travel. Both my family and friends had been great, my Aunt and Uncle couldn't come very often, but my friends made up for this and always made sure that I didn't have a visiting time and no visitors.
I never knew who was coming to visit and that was the basis of the game, to keep me on my toes, figuratively speaking. The game, ah yes that was fun. I had to guess who would be visiting me the next day, write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. If I was right then I could choose my reward, but if I was wrong then the visitor could choose the penalty, this was sometimes very unnerving as some of the penalties could be embarrassing. I had good friends like that. The game; became such a part of my time in the hospital that the nursing staff would make sure everyone stuck to the rules and they kept a record of my guesses and the actual visitors, the rewards and the penalties. I wouldn't have been surprised to learn that they were running a book on the side as well!
The door to my room opened and Sarah, one of the nursing staff popped her head round the door and with a big grin on her face said, "you win today Claire. What would you like for your reward?" Before I could answer, the door was pushed open and Jason floated into the room. "A fresh cream cake," I said to Sarah. "Ok, I'll get that sorted for afternoon tea tomorrow if I can." Sarah left us to enjoy our visiting time. "Is that the best you can think of?" Jason said, with a smirk on his face. "I'd go for something a bit more exotic, like a fancy cocktail or something." "Er, there's no alcohol allowed in here remember; and don't forget with the medication I am taking, it would probably put me in a coma anyway." I was so pleased to see him. "I can't have what I really want, no, what I really need." I mumbled under my breath.
"Huh, what was that little comment at the end?" Jason asked plonking himself down in the armchair beside the bed.
"What? Oh nothing," I said looking away.
"You said something, what was it? He wasn't going to leave it alone. I knew Jason; he would keep going until I gave in. So, I thought that I might as well get it over with now. So I told him what I had said.
"Well, maybe I can help?" he said, taking his usual position. "What do you really need Claire?" he said, pausing and patiently waiting for my reply. His deep blue eyes never leaving my face. "Come on, you know me. I'll just keep nagging until you spill the beans."
"It's nothing, not really that important," I lied. It was important, it was very important to me, but I couldn't tell anyone, not even Jason. I couldn't tell him that it was sex or rather the lack of it that was driving me insane. But, Jason is very perceptive and very mature for his age and to add to that, he knows me and my life thus far; in fact he is the only one who knows everything in detail, well almost everything!
I had to lay flat in the bed, which didn't give me an escape route, other than looking the other way. Not much good that, he would just keep walking around the bed and back again until I was dizzy. Jason leaned over me, resting on his elbows on the bed close to my face. He leaned in closer and said, "You know, I could do almost anything I wanted to do to you at this very moment and there's not a thing you could do to stop me!" He had a very mischievous grin across his face. I held my breath and waited to see what was coming next. He was right of course. I was completely at his mercy.
We had been friends more than two years and we had become very close, in fact Jason was my closest friend. He was two years older than me, just coming up to taking his 'A' levels, hoping to go onto University to study to become a physical education teacher. Obviously he was very fit and he was all athletic, both in appearance and his pursuit of life. I spent many a cold day at various sports fields around the country, supporting whichever sport he was doing at the time. But then, he would do the same for me, when my gymnastic team travelled the country in various competitions.
I looked at him both confused and a little wary; he was well known as a great practical joker and sometimes it was difficult to know when he was joking and when he was 'up to something'. Something that would usually come back three fold on some poor unsuspecting person, like me!
Without any warning at all, he lowered his head and kissed me, very briefly and softly on my lips, I was so surprised that I couldn't react, I just looked at him. Then he leaned in again and followed that up with another kiss, longer this time and again he broke away. Looking at me intently, he took my chin, gently in his hand but this time, closing his eyes he leaned in and for a third time he kissed me again, this time I did respond, kissing him back but with a little, no a lot of apprehension. His tongue slid slowly across my lips, I let the pressure from his tongue open them just a little. It was all the confirmation he needed. He was still holding my chin gently between his thumb and fore finger; his hold became a little firmer, just enough to let me know that he wasn't finished yet. His tongue slipped between my lips and searched for mine. This was too unreal, we weren't this sort of friends, or at least that's what I thought, I was obviously mistaken. Mind you, that did nothing to stop what was happening now, but then again, neither did I. It felt great and he just proved what I had always suspected, that he was a great kisser. He broke the kiss, but didn't move his face any more than six inches, his eyes were looking very intently into mine, it looked like there were little dancing lights in his eyes, he was definitely altogether too good looking.
I could feel his breath lightly brushing my cheeks and I felt, more than heard the deep breath he took before he spoke again. "You are my closest and most trusted friend and if I can do anything, anything at all to help ease your current situation, then, I will do it for you. All you have to do is ask me and it will be done." He was still holding my chin and he was still very close. He leaned closer to my ear and whispered, "Anything at all! What is that you need Claire?" he pulled back a little and looked me straight in the eyes again.
After what seemed like minutes, but was probably only ten seconds he carried on in a low whisper, "Ok well then, how about this." He became very serious. "I know what you want and I know how desperately you want it, but you know me too, I don't push myself on any girl. If you need or want my help, then you will have to ask for it." He was still leaning on his elbows. Letting go of my chin, he leaned back in his chair again and sat looking at me with his hands together, his fingers forming like a pitch roof, tapping his chin with the point.
"And you of all people know that I won't ask. So where does that leave us, or rather leave me?" I looked straight passed him to the wall behind, I couldn't look him in the eye, it was quite scary, I didn't realise that he knew me quite so well and there was always the risk that we were at cross purposes and that he was talking about something else completely. I wasn't going to take the risk. I couldn't go and hide for the rest of my life from embarrassment. I was stuck right where I was, I would just have to grin and bear it, after all this must happen to loads of people. But I wasn't loads of people, I was me and I was suffering!
