I haven't seen Liz since I dropped out of Rutgers three years ago, but she was always the sweetest dormmate. She never left a mess, she always helped clean up mine. She kept the noise and drama to a minimum, even with the revolving door of college hookups high-fiving each other on the way in and out of my bedroom. Plus, her own hookups swung towards girls -- she'd fall in love at least twice a semester -- meaning I'd never have to worry about her either poaching my conquests or trying to make me one of hers.
So, when she calls me up out of the blue and asks if I want to waste a weekend in Atlantic City, how am I going to say no?
I meet her on Friday in the lobby of the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. The last three years have treated Liz well. I can't find a single acne scar on her smooth, olive skin. She's taken that crazy head of frilly, umber hair that she used to let me comb on the sofa, and she's given it a cute perm. She'd never be caught dead in a dress, but she's rocking a black sweater over a plaid shirt.
The only detail of her look that doesn't scream, "I'm winning, and I know it!" is the cast on her right forearm. Plain, baby blue and completely void of well wishes. Not even a "Get Better Soon" scrawled across the plaster.
Fireworks burst in Liz's eyes when she sees me. "Trina! Oh my God, you look so great!"
No, I look so underdressed. I didn't think to wear anything more than pink shorts and a Black Sabbath tee. Then again, she never mentioned a dress code.
"Lizzy!" I say. "It has been entirely too long!"
I wrap her in a hug, careful to avoid her plaster-encasted arm, while also pretending not to notice it.
We dump our bags upstairs in the room that Liz has booked, and we make a beeline for the bars. At random, we pick a Caribbean-style place, right off the boardwalk. With a few hours of dusk-light left, I grab us some good seats on the patio, where I can sample the pecs of passing swimmers and Liz can ogle her own dish of choice.
Margaritas first, plus a bowl of clams. We shell and eat the mollusks like candy. I'd ask Liz how the sea creatures compare to the human variety, but I remember that the last time I asked her that in college, she set aside her text book and spread her legs and said, "You're welcome to find out." So, I play it safe and ask how's work.
Sucking down a clam, she says, "It's hectic, but things are finally starting to take shape on the new project. We're still waiting for the permits to get cleared by Newark City Hall, but the deal is definitely going down. It's just a waiting game of grin and bear it."
"Man, if I had a quarter for every time --"
"But it'll all be worth it once the red tape comes down and the walls start going up. The lot is just going to waste on that corner. People are using it as a dump for needles and beer bottles. The emporium is gonna to do SO MUCH good for the community. Some call it gentrification, I prefer the term Neighborhood Two-Point-O."
"That rolls off the tongue easily. Unlike certain things I've had in my mouth as of late --"
"Even then, it's gonna be years before the domino effect kicks in and businesses really start migrating to that part of town. But to get in on the ground floor like this is like finding a Golden Ticket in the first Wonka Bar you buy. I mean, it's like dumping your life's savings into Apple the day before their stock blasted into the stratosphere. I count myself insanely lucky, even with all the headaches."
I sip my margarita. "Most of my headaches are self-inflicted, these --"
"But you know how it is. I've just gotta keep my head down and my eyes on the paycheck." She wrings out a full-bodied sigh. "So, where are you working now, Trina?"
"Right now? Um, you know, the usual. Retail, customer service, crisis management. Sex on the barter system."
Either missing or ignoring the punchline, Liz says, "Our customer service reps are so flaky right now. They never answer the phone. They're never around when you need them. I feel like I wind up stepping in and handling a good seventy-five to eighty-percent of their responsibilities myself. Oh! But if they ever want something? Better stop, drop and roll, if you don't want corporate climbing all up in your ass."
"Only one occupant at a time in there for me, please."
Liz misses my jokes, right and left, as she rabbits on about her job. I barely understand most of it. After a while, I realize that I'm not even sure what it is she actually does, though she's probably explained it five times since we sat down. Her lips move, but all I hear is, "Jargon, jargon, jargon. I make more money that you. Jargon, jargon, jargon. See how together I've gotten my life? Jargon, jargon, jargon. You just know I'm secretly judging you right now."
I start ordering margaritas at twice the strength, but I'm not getting drunk. Liz has hardly touched hers, even if we're on our third bowl of clams. I break up the tedium by going full Tommy Wiseau and point-blank asking, "Anyway, how's your sex life?"
For the first time this afternoon, Liz's mouth stops flapping. She stares at me with those big, blue eyes of hers, through those big, trendy glasses. Then, she releases a pitiful yelp and buries her face in the tabletop, sobbing.
Already, the whole restaurant and half the beach is turning to watch us. Stiff-spined, I tap Liz on the shoulder. "Um, Liz? You okay, honey?"
She blubbers into her hands. "Marcy and I broke up!"
"Oh, no!" My eyes dart around in search of clues. "Who is Marcy?"
"She was my girlfriend who was gonna be my fiancΓ©, who I thought was my soulmate! We'd been living together for two whole years, and now, it's all over!"
"That's horrible! What happened?"
"I came home early last week and caught her in bed with another person! And the person was a man!" She casts her tear-streaked face heavenward. "A MAN!"
"Oh...wow..."
"They'd been screwing behind my back for a month! And when I caught them, Marcy wasn't even sorry! She asked if I wanted to join in!"
"Um...did you?"
"No! She called me a tight-assed prude and I called her a slut, and I told her to get out of my bed and out of my life! I started throwing all her stuff into a suitcase, and she ripped it away from me, and-and-and --"
"Yeah?"
"And she started grabbing a bunch of my stuff and saying it was hers! Marcy stole ALL MY SEX TOYS!" she wails for everybody to hear. "Even my favorite RABBIT! I was screaming at her and she was laughing at me! LAUGHING! I got so mad, I-I-I...I started grabbing my shoes out of the closet and throwing them at her and the guy, and we all three got into a big fight out in the street!"
I glance at her cast. "Is that how you hurt your arm?"
A violent spasm of her head. I can't tell if she's nodding or shaking it. "I was chasing them with the extension nozzle of a vacuum cleaner --"
"Um, with a...?"
"IT WAS ALL I COULD FIND! I was swinging at them and screaming and trying to knock their fucking heads off, and I didn't see the crack in the sidewalk, and I tripped and fell and broke my ulna!"
"Your...?"
"It's your forearm bone, and I broke it!" She blows her nose into a cloth napkin, loud enough for all Atlantic City to hear. "I broke it, and they took me to the hospital, and I had to call my mom to drive all the way down from Poughkeepsie to come get me!"
Her words become an endless stream of phlegmatic stutters. I can't translate any of it into English. I steal a few silent sips of my drink -- mostly for strength -- as it hits me that this isn't a Girls Catching Up weekend. This is a Make Liz Feel Better weekend.
Both of us need to be MUCH drunker.
When the nurse rushes over to check that everything is okay and no one's about to commit suicide on the premises, I order two straight shots of Jose Cuervo for each of us. We skip the lime and salt. I practically have to pry open Liz's mouth and use a funnel to get the medicine down her throat.