Hooing up My Friends

"J-one-one-seven up, nerd!" came a shrill voice that pulled me out of focus. I set the silverware back down, wiped my hands on those ridiculous little aprons they gave us, and reached up onto the warming shelf that separated the front and back of the restaurant. I raised my eyebrows up at the girl across the divider, looking Alex straight in her brown eyes.

"I might be a nerd but at least I don't have to wear a hairnet, Alex

andra

." I said the last part of her name with particular and specific enunciation, of course knowing full well what she preferred. But if you don't make fun of your coworkers, do you even really get along with them? What's the point if you can't? Alex pursed her lips and pressed her tongue against her cheek, looking at me indignantly as she slid the plate up onto the warming shelf.

"Go fuck yourself, nerd!" She came back at me with a flip of her hair. Even in a hairnet you could see that her black hair was bushy and curly. Truth be told, I always thought it was a look that worked for her, even if it was somehow required that Alex and I were not allowed to compliment each other during work hours. She even had said so once. I brought that question up as I took the ticket from the wheel and pulled the plate forward onto a tray, preparing a small dish with the customer's side salad and dressing before loading it onto the tray and grabbing a carafe of coffee to do my rounds.

"Alex, how come you can't ever be nice to me?"

"I'm not allowed to compliment you." She had already grabbed the next ticket and started working on her next order.

"Oh, but we're allowed to," I hesitated to punctuate the bad joke, "COMPLEMENT each other?" Alex and her second line-cook both verbally, and loudly, booed me. Eli, the other cook, piped up.

"That was a bad joke and you should feel bad!"

I looked at him and responded with a fake laugh and walked out of the kitchenette.

"Corner!" I said as I turned the corner to get out of the way - good thing too, I nearly ran face first into Mark, the new guy.

"Sam, table 13 wants a refill on their coffee." He said to me, stopping before I ran into him. He gave that warm smile he always punctuated requests with. Probably why they hired him to work front-of-house instead of back. Alex could never have worked front-of-house. She was a bitch.

"What do you think I've got in my hands here, newbie?" I lifted the carafe and rocked it back and forth in front of him, before breezing past him.

"Can you not call me that in front of customers?" he sighed as I walked away, walking quickly to my customer's table.

"Hey folks, thanks so much for waiting." I set my tray down and placed the sandwich, a Reuben, in front of the man, a very tall man with short hair and filled the empty cup in front of his date, a much shorter woman with curly purple-ish hair and glasses. "You sure I can't get you anything to eat?" I asked the woman. She shook her head, barely moving. It appeared that morning was not agreeable to her. After serving tables for longer than three months you get a good sense of your customers or you find a different job. "Well, if you folks need anything else, just let someone know." I pointed towards Mark, near the entrance. "You can always call Mark for help as well, he's new but he's quick like a bunny." I walked away from the table back to the kitchenette to keep working on my side work.

"I've been here six months, Sam!" Mark's light, pleasant, and insistent voice followed me back to the kitchenette.

Seven hours later, just as the summer sun was starting to go down, Alex and I left the restaurant. We were discussing what to do with the rest of our evening. It wasn't too often that we were able to get out by 10:30. Normal closes took longer than a half hour but we were pretty quiet the last couple hours. Probably people getting ready to go up to cabins for their 4th of July celebrations. My own family's cabin was only a two-hour drive away. I'd be heading there the day after tomorrow to do some chores on the property. Alex agreed to come and help, provided she could go swimming in the lake. When I told her that was a weird condition, she told me "Fine, then you need to bring beer. And I swear to God if you bring that watery stuff again I'm going to shove a can INTO your butthole." So I bought some Guinness. Actually, a lot of Guinness.

"Bar." That was really all Alex said. I sighed; I didn't really want to go to the bar with her. I wanted to go home and read a book and get some extra sleep. I was re-reading Harry Potter.

"I can't," I lied, "I left my ID at home."

"Don't you still have your fake?"

"Oh you mean the one that I threw away when I turned 21? No, I don't have my fake."

"Young and dumb, you're going to make a great housewife someday." She patted me on the cheek and smirked as she opened the trunk of her car. "Anyone around?" She started looking around, as did I, as she kicked her Crocs onto the pavement.

"You're three months older than me, and no - why?" I was watching the freeway that drove by above the restaurant, seeing it full of cars heading north, but none were exiting onto the ramp to lead them towards us. I turned around and saw Alex, standing close to her open trunk, pulling her work uniform off, standing in the parking lot in just her bra and black pants. I was stunned and stared. I had seen breasts before, of course. Smaller or bigger, with piercings or tattoos, but I had never seen my best friend in our work parking lot reach behind her and unhook her bra, freeing her tits before reaching into her trunk for a bundle of fabric - presumably she was changing into going-out clothes. But here she was, in front of me, her pink nipples as easy to see as the nose on her face as she threw her bra and work uniform into the trunk.

"Hey, watch the road for cars, dummy. They're just boobs." She grabbed her tits, squeezed a bit and bounced them up and down, her pink nipples sticking out between her fingers. "There, you get a good enough look?" She grabbed this grey shirt with green lettering and pulled it on, not bothering with a bra. Of all the things to wonder about, that's what I focused on.

"You're not going to put on a bra to go out?" I asked, still stunned.

"No, it'll get in the way of me getting fucked." She unbuttoned her pants and struggled for a moment to wiggle them down over her hips - which took several seconds and several wiggles. Alex, it seemed, had hips for days. Thick with two "C's" as Mark had said. He had a bit of crush on her, but she thought he was just a kid and didn't give it a second thought. However, he

did

talk to me about her often enough to make it pretty obvious to me, at least.

"Oh, I didn't know you were seeing anyone." I looked at her green panties, hugging her body and covering her pussy as she finally got her jeans off.

Is she going to get naked in front of me? Fuck...am I the one she's fucking later?

"I'm not, dummy. I'm gonna find some dick." She tossed her work pants into her trunk and pulled out a pair of torn blue jeans.

"Oh. Well -" I hesitated for a long moment as she brought the tight jeans up and they squeezed around her ass as she worked them over her hips, even hopping a few times, making her tits very obviously bounce beneath her T-shirt. "I mean, you do work with a couple guys."

She had to stop bouncing and hoping for a moment as she burst out laughing, steadying herself against the bottom of the trunk, bending over and gasping from laughter. I saw her ass bent over perfectly.

I could just slip in behind her right like this if she wanted.

"You think I'm going to fuck you? Or Mark?" The laughing was going on a bit longer than I thought necessary at this point. "You're my best friend, you're a huge fucking dork, and Mark is like 16. He's gotta go play Pokemon Go or some shit and it's a school night." She was still laughing. Ok, I get it, but really now. Enough.

"Mark's 19, actually. And I think he'd give up his paycheck to date you, you know"

"Oh he told you that, huh?" she stopped laughing and finally pulled her panty-clad ass into her jeans. "Thanks for the laugh, Sam. I needed that. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck!" With that, she closed the trunk and got into the driver's seat and took off to whatever bar she was heading towards.

20 minutes later I'm in the shower, stroking my hard cock under the warm water. I dumped some more shampoo in my hand and closed my eyes. Alex's juicy tits, squeezing in her hands - stroking faster. Fuck I wanted to cum so bad. I wanted to blast my load into her pussy or on her face. I hadn't had sex in months. I just couldn't quite cum. Watching Alex strip down just wasn't quite enough. Fuck! My mind raced as I hopped from fantasy to fantasy until I finally landed on imagining Alex getting plowed tonight. I'll bet right now she's bouncing on some stranger's cock. Maybe she's even got some guy's hands on her fat ass, making it bounce as she screams for it to go harder. Fuck I want to watch that! My hand flew up and down my cock as it got even harder. Watching some guy pull out of her pussy and cum on her nasty face, I imagined Alex talking to him like she talked to me.

"Fuck me harder, you fucking dork! Shove it in there and pound my cunt like you hate me! I'm your dirty little bitch aren't I? Spank me! Make it hurt, you pussy!" She would demand. My mind thought of every nasty thing she would say and I groaned,

LOUD,

as I shot my cum out, hitting the shower wall, groaning and leaning against it as my cock twitched in my hand, the fantasy fading rapidly from my mind as my post-nut clarity took over.

*boop*

My phone blinked and I opened my eyes, looking in the dim light around my room. I looked up across the studio at the microwave, 2:30 AM. I grabbed my phone, turning the brightness down, and saw three texts. One from Alex and two from "New Guy." Mark. I opened Mark's. "my rents r arguing again, can i crash on ur couch? noone else lives near." and a couple hours later "sorry ur asleep, can i come over tmrrw?" I texted back quickly, "Sure, going back to sleep. Come over after 10."

The one from Alex was pretty angry. "Every1 in this bar is gay or married STG. come down and wingman for me!" I typed out quickly. "Should have just gone to fuck Mark instead." and set my phone down.

"So she just got naked in front of you, in the parking lot of JK?" Mark asked me, for the third time now.

"She was still wearing panties." I said for the third time in response. "So not naked."

"Fuck. Right in the parking lot of the JK Place. Where we work." He was having difficulty understanding the series of events.

"Yes Mark. I know, she's pretty hot right? Tell you what, next time I'll call you," I said as I helped Mark take another box into my small studio apartment. His parents were going through some stuff and he asked if he could stay with me for a while. He nearly dropped the last box as I said this.

"Oh damn...do you think maybe, you could put in a good word for me?" He had been asking me this for a while.

I didn't even turn around and my mind raced for a moment. "Already did. She flirted with the idea a bit, but you've got to charm her a bit. She's four years older than you, so you've got to act a bit more mature. You and I can talk about how movie-Ron Weasley is different from the book-Ron Weasley, but don't say that shit to her." I heard him drop his box onto my futon.

"She said that? That she'd be down with the idea?" He gasped. I almost had to laugh.

"Yea, course. What's not to like? Just don't tell her we talked. Remember, you need to show her you're a grown up, not in high school talking and gossiping between friends. But you know she's gonna be over in a bit, so you turn on the charm

today

, ok?"

"Well what should I do? I mean, I can talk about grown up shit. I'm going to community college."

"No no, don't talk to her about schoolwork, that's super boring. She's a big drinker and a gym rat, talk to her about that. Just don't get in too deep you know? Remember Ryan Gosling in

Drive

?" I asked him, finally settling back in my desk chair. I looked around my studio apartment. It was small, but it had everything I needed. Futon, bed, tv and games, kitchen, bathroom. It wasn't great, but it was my place. My place that I was sharing for a few days until Mark's parents cooled down. I didn't ask really, I'm a better friend than that.

"So I'm supposed to give her 5 minutes?" he said, silly. At least I hoped.

"When in doubt, just say less. You'll be fine."

Mark and I spent the next couple hours until late evening hanging out in my apartment until the door buzzer alarmed. We paused our movie and I got up to let Alex in. Nobody else ever came to visit me. She opened the door and wasted no time launching into me. "You dick! You could have gone out to the bar last night but instead you wanted to be boring and sleep! How am I supposed to get laid without a wingman!" She had finished most of this by the time the door had closed.

"You're a woman, I'm sure you did just fine. Guys will trip over themselves to get to a four if they are at a bar."

"Fuck you, a four." She came into the room and set her bag down. Most women carried a purse. Alex carried a drawstring bag, like a backpack, most of the places she went. "You guys hanging out? Sam didn't tell me you were here." She looked at Mark, her face kinder than mine, but not very readable.

"You didn't ask. Mark's coming with us tomorrow; he just needs to get away for a bit. That cool?" I responded to her. I shot her a look. We had "looks," she and I. And this look meant "don't argue with me."

"Sure thing. He can help out with the chores." She sat at my desk chair and, before we could resume our movie, she started complaining about work. Her shift sucked, customers were dumb, management was dumb - literally everything she complained about every single day. Nothing was new. After about a half hour I finally got up and told Alex and Mark that I was going to go get us a pizza for pickup.

"You both might want to shower tonight; we are leaving pretty early in the morning." I grabbed my keys and pulled a densely rolled bundle from the bottom of my pantry cabinet. "Here, Mark, you're the youngest; you can sleep on the floor with the air mattress."

"Thanks man, appreciate it." He caught the air mattress as I threw it at him.

"I showered before I left my parents' house. I'm good," Alex said. I nodded and turned to walk away.

I pulled up to the Little Caesar's and checked my app. I had ordered online for pickup and they said it was ready. But I had a text from Alex. "get back here. Mark showered and came out wearing a towel and is just sitting in a towel like a weirdo." I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Did he think he was going to get laid in my shitty studio apartment by just showing Alex he had a six-pack? I texted back.

"Yea, I told him he could do that, don't worry - just enjoy the show. He's hung like a Pringles can." I had, of course, done no such thing, but after my shower I had this fantasy of hooking them up with each other. And it was consuming me.

Within seconds Alex had responded. I was grabbing the pizzas from the counter by now, only to read "Fuck you no he's fucking not, no way." I found it interesting she didn't reply with disgust or even just say that I'm being weird. She said I was lying. And if she thought I wasn't telling the truth, she had already formed an image of what the truth was. Very interesting.

The rest of the night was rather uneventful. Mark had dressed by the time I got back, and we watched

Love, Death, and Robots

until we crashed with a full belly of pizza. Mark slept on the floor, true to his word; Alex slept on the futon; I slept on the bed. My place, after all. I'm a nice guy, but not that nice. As far as I knew, we slept pretty soundly, but Mark got up to pee in the middle of the night, waking me up for a second to witness Alex staring at him walking away.

The next morning we got into my pickup, which is where I kept a lot of my possessions. My apartment was too small, but any yard tools for the family cabin, or extra furniture, or even boxes of books I had collected, those lived in the cargo bin of my truck - under the topper of course. It was a tight fit with Alex in the middle, but we made it work and started the two hour drive up to the cabin. The three of us didn't talk very much, which led Alex to fall back asleep. First she was leaning back, but then she drifted over and fell asleep on Mark's shoulder. It didn't take a genius to see that he was counting his blessings when this happened. And I kept seeing him glance down to look down her shirt as much as he could.

"Hey." I whispered over to him, trying not to wake up Alex. "She'll like you putting your arm around her. She'll sleep better that way. Trust me. She's fallen asleep on me driving dozens of times." Mark looked hesitant, but after a few moments of moving slowly, he put his arm around her. She had her head resting against his chest and was face down, snoring very softly now. "She told me last night that you have a great body." I added.

Mark looked at me incredulously, "She did not."

"She absolutely did. I think she wants some of that." I gestured to Mark's lap, smiling. He smiled widely; he was definitely buying it. "And you know, she has a fantastic ass."

Mark licked his bottom lip and looked down at her again.

About an hour passed, we were almost there, and I could hear Alex stirring. After a couple moments, she sat up and looked over at Mark, almost embarrassed, and she wiped the small bit of drool from her face, her black curly hair was a mess now. She looked between him and me, and then back at him and down at his lap for a moment.

"Morning sleepy head. Feel better?"

"Yea...sorry, I guess I fell asleep" She responded, looking around and coming to terms mentally with where she was.

"For about an hour. It's ok, it's pretty early." Mark piped up now, pointing to the dashboard clock. "It's almost 8, but we're almost there. You did the smart thing, sleep part of the way."

"For real though. We are almost there. Alex, when we get there can you help Mark bring in the food and booze? It's all in the back. I'll get the tools and my dad's lawnmower out of the back and get those in the shed. Two of you can sleep however you want. The main bedroom has a queen and the sofa pulls out." Neither of them responded, in any way, to the sleeping situation. Excellent. Just the thought of them fucking made me hot enough to cum like a hose in my shower. Tonight maybe I'd get to hear it myself.

The rest of the day passed in a weird monotonous boredom punctuated by moments of scheming. I wasn't exactly sure when I started this idea, but I knew what I was doing now. I was trying to get Mark and Alex to fuck, in the cabin, where I could watch them. The thought made me hard as a rock, and all day long I was subtly, or not so subtly, manipulating both of them. I knew that they'd never do it only on what I said; I had to make them want to do it themselves.

As Alex and I were cleaning up a downed tree in the yard behind the cabin - "You know Mark things you are fine as fuck, right?"

As Mark was pulling out the dock with the hand crank - "I bet Alex would sure love to do that to you.

As Alex watered the flowerbed - "Mark was talking about how nice you look bent over."

As Mark and I finished moving the trash out of the storage shed - "Alex just commented how nice it is that you're so strong, you know?"

This back and forth went on for several hours, me telling each of them things they would want the other to say, with varying reactions. At first they both shrugged off my manipulation, but by the end of the day I saw Mark moving with his head held a little higher and I saw Alex keep looking over at him.