Holiday Mischief
"It's a nice Hotel isn't it," said my pal, Ronnie. And I had to agree. We'd booked at the last minute and had got a bit of a bargain for a week's stay at the 4 star Dolphin Hotel on the Algarve in Southern Portugal.
"You've done well, Ron," I had to admit. "We've saved about £150 each on the deal."
"Too right," he replied, waving his hand lazily. "More to spend on other things like booze, girls and nightclubs"
"It seems a nice quiet hotel," I pointed out to him. "Great view, wonderful beach. I'm really glad we came."
"Yeah, but not too quiet, I hope," He added.
Later, we were out sitting by the swimming pool on a sunny afternoon in June. We hadn't even unpacked yet, but the flight had been a tiring one and we had been up since 5.00 a.m. in Huddersfield where we lived together in a pokey little flat.
Ronnie was one of those individuals who you couldn't pigeon hole as regards age or background. We were both in our twenties. I was 24 while he was 26. However, if he said he was 30 or even older you would have had to believe him. He had been to a good public school, but you just couldn't tell. He had the ability to be anything he wanted to be and nothing or no one ever fazed him. He was the most complex and interesting person I'd ever met.
His success with women was quite impressive, but what they saw in him was beyond me. However, he certainly had the gift of the gab and was smooth and impressive when he talked to them.
I enjoyed being his pal. I certainly enjoyed more contact with the opposite sex, because of his undoubted confidence and self-belief.
"You'd be a sad bastard, if it wasn't for me, Jeff old boy," he often said and harsh though it sounded, I had to agree with him.
Now that we were here, we did what we always did when on holiday, survey the availability of desirable females. Unfortunately, we were beginning to realise that we had picked the wrong hotel if we were looking for nubile young ladies. All the women here seemed to be married or with partners and we couldn't see anyone who looked under 30.
"A bit disappointing, totty wise," said Ron, after he had wandered around the hotel grounds and public rooms. In that respect, I had to agree with him.
Anyway, later on we went down for our evening meal in the hotel restaurant. We dressed, smart, but casual, as was our normal practise.
Looking around, all we saw were older couples. We looked at each other and sighed. "Looks like we're going to have to look further afield," I said, sadly.
"Maybe so," said Ron, "but surely, there must be someone here we could fancy?"
Just as he said this, an elegant lady and her partner, came into the dining room. She was very attractive and you could see at a glance she had a superb figure and great legs. Ron's interest picked up, as he watched her sit a few tables away. It was a buffet style arrangement and we got up to see what was on offer, food wise.
At the same time we were able to check her out.
She wore a white summer dress and out of the corner of my eye I saw her sway past on her way to the buffet table. I caught a slight whiff of expensive perfume and admired the way she filled out her dress. Slim, but curvaceous was our joint verdict
"I like the look of her," Ron said. "Let's pencil her in as our main target. If we don't see anything better, we'll try for her, what do you say?"
"Well yes," but what about her husband?" I pointed out.
"Leave him to me," he winked, confidently. "I'll think of something."
I smiled and shook my head thinking that we were over reaching ourselves. Even for Ron, it seemed like a tall order.
The next morning, we were out on our balcony enjoying the view. Ron had brought his binoculars and was busy studying the birds i.e. the ones lying on sunbeds. "They are all older women" he observed, "every last one."
"I don't think........hang on," he said, "take a look at this."
He handed me the binoculars and guided me until I focused on a couple of sun beds in a corner on the far side. The magnification was excellent and at first I thought the lady in question was looking right back at me. It was only when I looked without the binoculars that I realised she was too far away to be aware of us. Re-assured, I looked again at the close up image. It was her, the lady we had seen last night in the dining room. And a pleasing sight it was. She was wearing a pink bikini and was stretched out on the sun bed with one knee raised; A classic pose and she looked superb.
While I was looking, she stood up to adjust the elastic on her briefs. She remained standing and I passed the glasses back to Ron. "Have a look at that," I told him.
"Oh yes," he drooled, "that's our girl, alright."
We continued to scrutinise her for a few more minutes before going inside. We spat on our hands and slapped them together in the air. She was going to be our first target, at least in this Hotel.
Later, Ron watched from the balcony, having gone back outside to have another look. He was listening to his music on his portable C.D. player as well as enjoying the sunshine. He sipped at his drink and rubbed a bit of sun cream on his chest. "This is the life, Jeff, don't you think?"
Before I could answer, he had quickly got up and grabbed his shirt. "Back soon" he said, as he hurried towards the door and disappeared. I peered over the balcony to see what had caused his sudden departure. Then I saw that the only person moving out there was our target's partner, a big bloke with a bit of a paunch who was heading towards the poolside bar. I watched a bit longer, then saw Ron appear beneath me as he headed for the same destination. After another minute or two, I saw them chatting together. Twenty minutes later they were still talking as they perched on their stools. I decided to shut up shop and join them.
As I got up close, Ron hailed me. "You'll never guess, Jeff, Barney here is a big Arsenal fan."
"Really," I said, "that's great."
I pulled up a stool and ordered drinks.
Ron had obviously kept the conversation focused on football.
All Barney seemed to want to talk about was Arsenal football club, including the Arsenal manager, the players and how good, or bad, they were.
Barney was really into it and bored the pants off us for another 15 minutes.
Then out of the blue, SHE joined us. "I'm waiting for my drink, Barney," she complained. "A girl could die of thirst out there."
I gasped, audibly, seeing her at such close quarters. She was still wearing her sexy pink bikini; which in turn, showed off her impressive breasts, slim waist and an outstanding pair of long, tanned, shapely legs. I couldn't help but stare.
"Oh sorry, love, I got on talking." said Barney, apologetically. "This is Ron and Jeff." We nodded at her and said hello.
"And this is my wife, Joanne," he said, finally introducing her. There were more smiles and nods.
Then, she collected her drink and moved away. She was obviously unhappy with him, but, nevertheless, gave us a nice view of her swaying hips and well-shaped bottom as she went back to her sun bathing spot.
Barney, seemed unperturbed. "I think she's still a bit miffed that I'm going to Lisbon tomorrow to see Arsenal play Sporting Lisbon. It's just a friendly game, I know, but I wanted to see it once I knew it was on this week. To be honest, it was one of the main reasons we came to Portugal on holiday. I've always wanted to go to the Stadium of Light. I booked my ticket on the internet and I'm meeting one of my pals in Lisbon before the kick off and he's putting me up overnight.
Then Ron got in the vital question, before our man got back into full flow about his favourite team.
"Is your wife going with you, Barney?"
"Are you kidding? She wouldn't be seen dead at a football match, it would bore her intensely. No she'll happier here, just lounging around the pool and doing a bit of shopping."
We bought him another drink and then he took his leave as he sauntered back to join the lovely Joanne. At least our female target had a name now.
"The Gods have smiled at us" said Ron, later, rubbing his hands.
"Well, it's a break," I agreed, "but we've a long way to go yet. She might not want to come out and play, have you thought about that?"
"It's just the way you handle them," he observed wisely. "I'm not worried about her yet. Let's concentrate on old Barney and see what more information we can get out of him."
As it turned out, we didn't see him until the following morning at breakfast. His wife disappeared into the hairdressers and we got the chance to buttonhole him again. Ron walked out to the marble floored reception area where he was sitting and started chatting to him again. Once again, I saw they were lost in conversation. After half an hour, Barney left and went looking for his wife. I went and sat down next to Ron.
"He's going straight after lunch. There's a taxi picking him up at the hotel. He won't be back until late tomorrow night. So, we've got a day and a half to play with."
Ron took a sip of his drink and continued.
"Apparently, he's 43 and Joanne is 36. She likes gin and tonics, that's her tipple and she likes to go dancing and stay up late. I told him we'll have a dance or two with her and see that she's O.K."
"You've got a nerve," I said. "It's a wonder he didn't smell a rat."
"No chance," he replied. "All he can think about is that bloody football match. He's not so much bothered about her. On the other hand, she's pissed off with him, big time. I got that loud and clear. And that could work nicely for us."
We hung around the lobby area reading magazines and hoping she would come and see him off. We were rewarded when we saw them walking out of the lift. They walked towards the entrance and Barney's taxi was already there.
"Hope you enjoy it," called Ron and gave him a wave.
Barney got into his taxi and was gone. Joanne started to walk back past us.
"So, you're a football widow," said Ron in a friendly tone.
"Yes," she said with arms folded. "Wouldn't you think he would give it a miss when we're on holiday? We're only here for a week and he's going to be away for 2 days in Lisbon."
