"What the hell was that?" Austin yelled at me when he called Monday morning. He drives a truck for a living and our conversations happen while he is at work. I can't tell you how many exits he has missed while talking to me.
"That was me being selfish for once." I replied. I was back home, a couple states away from Louisiana. After leaving Austin and Marie, I went to my hotel, gathered my things, and caught the next flight to New Mexico. "After our last couple of missed connections, I couldn't wait any more. I had to see and touch you. I'm sorry if I messed things up for you and Marie. That wasn't my intent."
All I hear is silence. Thinking that he drove into a dead zone, I was about to hang up.
"You didn't mess things up. It was incredible. For both of us. Marie can't stop talking about it. She was regretting not getting your phone number to stay in touch and hang out. But then, she believes you are living in Louisiana. Did you move here?" He asks me in a calm tone.
"No. I am still in New Mexico. I am home now. I came back after I left you on Friday night. I didn't want to go full stalker mode on you. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I did. I am so jealous of her, that I had to meet her, get to know her in order to get close to you, if only for an evening. She is a good woman. I am truly happy for you two and hope it works out." I work hard to not start crying at that admission. I
am
happy for him to have found someone who truly cares for him, but at the same time, it should be me and it tears me up inside.
"I wanted to touch you and taste you. You had us both butt naked. You didn't even take your clothes off. Then you were gone, without a goodbye."
"I know." I sadly reply. "Part of me wanted to strip down, but I didn't know how willing Marie would be to share you so intimately with another woman. I know I am open minded, but most women aren't. So, I thought I would see how she would react to another woman's touch and her reaction to my touching you. And you taste great, by the way. Then after you two had finished, it was such a loving sight with her straddling you, collapsed on your chest and you holding her, both of you blissed out, that it wouldn't have felt right to break that up to get mine. So, I left you two in peace and came home."
"Well she is game to go again and I certainly am. I didn't get enough kissing you or touching you. I want to be inside you."
"I would like that too. Perhaps one day I will magically reappear."
_____
About a year ago, I was living in Washington with my husband. I wasn't happy there; I wasn't happy with the marriage. I had no passion for anything, was numb to my existence. I just worked, paid bills, and cleaned up after my husband.
I hadn't been in touch with Austin for several years, but that year, I decided to send him a message on his birthday. I honestly expected him to not know who the message was from. At that point, I would just text back, "I am just an old friend. Have a great day" and leave it at that.
But no. The message I received was, "Lynn?!?! Call me!!" So, I did. Those phone calls over the next year were lifesaving to me. For the first time in years, I felt something other than hopelessness. Austin lifted me out of my depression enough so I that I could do something for myself; leave my husband. So, I did and went to New Mexico.
However, before moving to New Mexico, I had a feeling that Austin wasn't telling me something. I had asked him early in our conversations if he were married or had a girlfriend. He said he wasn't married. Hmmm. I planned a trip to Louisiana to see him one weekend but work suddenly came up. More hmmm.
A couple of months after leaving Washington, I was to meet Austin in Santa Fe as he drove a load to California. This would have been the first time we had physically seen each other in about six years. However, due to mechanical issues with his truck, he couldn't make it.
I was devastated. During a phone conversation the afternoon we were supposed to meet, I told him that I wanted to spend some quality time with him and could come to Louisiana for a weekend. He quickly changed the subject. Enough of the hmmm.
That night, I decided to do some research. I knew he had recently bought a house. I looked up property information and found his address. I also saw there was a second person on the title. A Marie Thibideaux. I looked her up on Facebook and saw a picture of her and Austin.
He has a girlfriend that he bought a house with. And he didn't tell me.
Because it was late and I knew he would be sleeping, I left Austin a text message, "Now I know why you don't want me to come to Louisiana. Marie. How could you not tell me? Thank you for helping me get out of Washington. Be safe. Goodbye."
Understandably, the next morning Austin kept trying to call me. I didn't answer the first couple of calls. When I did answer he explained it to me, "With me being a trucker and having the crappy hours I have, it is hard finding a romantic partner. I met her about a year ago. I wanted to tell you, but not over the phone. You had been through so much with your husband, I didn't want to add this to your burdens."
After a lot more conversation, we agreed that we still wanted each other. We would, at the least, remain friends.
The next few weeks were hell. I understand why he didn't tell me. But I am glad to know. I am happy for him, yet this is all just another disappointment in my life. I can't stop being jealous of her; it dominates my thoughts. When I try to sleep, thoughts and images of them sharing their lives together fill my head. For the first time in years, I cried, and I cried.
Then I decided to go to Baton Rouge anyway and go through her to get to him.
_____
Three months after our first encounter, I am having one of my regular conversations with Austin.
"This weekend, Marie and I are riding up to Bossier City to a bike rally. The event is only a couple of hours long, but it will be fun and get us out of the house for a bit" Austin tells me during one of our regular phone calls.
"Are you two heading back to Baton Rouge afterwards?"
"It's been a while since I have been around Shreveport. We are going to stay the night and ride back in the morning."
"Do you have friends there you will stay with?" I ask him as ideas start popping into my head.
"Nah. We will probably crash at the Comfort Inn for the night" he innocently tells me.
"Well, it sounds like fun. Be safe." I tell him before ending the call. The gears in my head start spinning, and I decide to crash their party and go on my own ride.