Helping Beth with Her Couch

How would I describe Beth?

First, she's one of the funniest human beings I've ever met. I mean

stand-up comedian

funny. Her wit slices like a razor blade. Being part of her hilarious diatribes is like serotonin being injected straight into the cerebral cortex. But get on her bad side? Watch out. I've seen her reduce grown men to quivering piles of emasculated goo.

Next, Beth is smart. Scary smart. She's a chemical engineer working in a local lab doing disease prevention research. Real work. The kind that actually helps people.

And Beth is hot. Not

supermodel

hot. Not

college-sophomore-volleyball-player

hot. No, hot in ways I think are way better.

Beth has long, straight, dark brown hair. She wears glasses--the prescription mild enough her lovely brown eyes shine through the lenses of her hip frames. She has an hourglass figure, fleshy in all the best ways. She's fit, but everything still kind of... jiggles. Beth is pretty in an every-gal sort of way: straight-angled nose, smallish mouth with well-defined lips. Average height, maybe around five-seven, if I had to guess for a raffle.

I got to know Beth through a mutual friend--one of those friend-of-a-friend situations where we kept ending up at the same gatherings.

Recently I learned that Beth is getting a divorce. From what I've heard, there wasn't any dramatic reason. It just stopped working. I've met her soon-to-be ex a few times. Not always with Beth at these gatherings, which, you know--warning sign. I never understood how they ended up together. He's brooding and serious. Handsome, sure. But I've seen Beth making people literally double over laughing while he would just stand there with a placid, exasperated smile.

Beth tends to find me at parties. I think she sees me as some kind of pet project. I'm pretty introverted, so social stuff isn't easy. My therapist says I need to get out more, so I drag myself to these things, working out conversation starters in the car. Once, I had to circle the block ten times, making topic lists, before I felt confident enough to go in.

Beth will catch me in the kitchen taking way too long to look for a drink. Or in a corner scrolling on my phone. Or nodding politely while someone monologues.

It was during one of those moments that Beth came over and pulled me away, saying she needed my help. Once we got to the next room, she said, "You're welcome."

"I was okay," I protested.

"You looked like you were about to commit suicide."

"I think you're exaggerating."

Beth has an uncanny ability to break me out of my shell. Get me to talk about real stuff. Nothing profound--just honest. I like that about her. She's fascinated that I'm in the arts, a profession so radically different from hers. And she likes my dry humor. So there's that.

Today I'm driving from A to B when I pass by Beth's house.

She's in the front yard, negotiating a large couch that's just sitting there on the grass. I don't even think. I pull over, park, hit the stop button, and get out. I click the key fob over my shoulder and hear the locks chirp.

"You need help?" I shout from the street.

Beth looks over. Doesn't say hi. Just drops her shoulders and says, "Would you? That'd be awesome."

She's standing beside the couch, fists on hips, elbows out. Sweatpants and a T-shirt. Sneakers, no socks.

"Beth, why is there a couch on your lawn?"

"Andy."

Her husband.

"What happened?"

"I told him the couch was mine and I wanted it back. Woke up this morning and found he'd left it here overnight."

"I see."

"Can't blame the guy. He's pissed."

"About the divorce?"

"Oh no," she says. "About me getting the house."

"Ah."

We stare at the couch for a beat.

"Well," I say, breaking the silence, "how about I get this end?"

Beth drops her shoulders dramatically, squats, and grabs the opposite side. I follow her lead.

"Don't look at my tits," she says. "Didn't have time to throw on a bra."

I do my best and fail.

"I said don't look at my tits!"

"You brought them up!"

Beth sighs, theatrical.

"They

are

great," I say, trying to lighten the mood.

"Not the time!"

We start the awkward shuffle toward the short steps leading to her front door. Beth takes a tentative step onto the first stair.

"If you lift your end a little more, that'll shift some weight to me. Might help," I say.

"'Kay."

She climbs the steps one at a time. I tighten my grip. The couch is heavier than it looks.

Now she's on the narrow porch, backing toward the door.

"We should spin it on its side," I suggest. "So it's narrow enough to squeeze through."

Beth stops. Tilts her head. Shoots me an exasperated look.

"Dude, if you mansplain one more time, I'm gonna hit you."

"Sorry!"

We get the couch inside. Rotate it too many times. Move forward, backward. At one point feeling like we're giving it a tour of the first floor.

"I thought engineers had great spatial sense," I say.

"I thought artists knew when to shut up."

Eventually, we get the couch into the living room and into the exact spot, faded outline on the rug giving it away.

We stay there a moment, breathing hard, both sweating.

Beth claps her hands twice in a done-and-done gesture, then glances my way.

"Beer?"

"God, yes."

Cut to us in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. We sip our beers in rhythm, almost like a choreographed routine.

I turn to her.

"How you doing?"

She knows what I mean. Shrugs. "Oh, you know."

"Yeah." I pause. "Well, I

don't

know, actually, never having been married. But I can imagine."

Beth perks up. Gives me a playful elbow to the ribs.

"How come I never see you with some sexy girl at your side?" she asks. Then, quickly: "Or fine guy--I don't judge."

I wave it off. "I'm straight--not that it matters. Just haven't had much luck lately."

Beth looks relieved. Then stares at me, straight into my core.

"I find that surprising," she says.

"Please don't patronize," I say, pretending to be offended.

"I'm not!" she laughs. She looks at me with a crooked, knowing smile. "Dude, you're hot."

I stare at her, genuinely surprised.

"Hey--thanks for your help," Beth says, leaning in to kiss my cheek. She pulls back, but doesn't move far.

I can smell her. That spectacular scent, now mixed with a faint trace of sweat. Her eyes lock on mine. I get caught in them.

Beth leans in again and kisses me on the mouth. It starts as a long-ish romantic kiss, but it doesn't take long for us to get serious. We start kissing harder, lots of tongue.

Beth turns so she can properly wrap her arms around me. She pulls close and I can feel her braless breasts push against my chest. Nipples harden. I pull her in, hands sliding up her back.

We lose track of how long we've been going. Pull apart, gasping.

"Is this for helping you move your couch?"

Beth gives me the identical exasperated look from earlier. "No, you idiot. I've been wanting to do this for months."

"You have?" I say with glee.

Beth gives an incredulous shake of her head. "You're cute."

"Find me anytime you need your furniture moved."

Beth laughs and says in a sultry voice, "Is that a euphemism?"

"It can be."

We kiss some more, really going at it. Beth reaches down to rest her hand on my erection. I jolt from her bold move.

Beth giggles. "I think we need to do something about this." She bends down and starts to undo my jeans.

Beth yanks down my jeans, then pulls away my briefs before sliding them down. She jerks her head back when my cock jumps free.

"Jesus, where've you been hiding that thing?"

Beth wastes no time and clamps her mouth on my cock, sliding her head up and down, using lots of tongue. Lets her saliva build so that it starts to leak out her mouth and onto my cock. I have to brace myself against the counter.

Beth plays with my balls and takes breaks between sucks to lick up and down my shaft. Occasionally throwing me a look. If she keeps that up I'm not going to last long.

There's the sound of keys in the front door. Footsteps headed our way.

"Beth?" Andy calls out.

And then he's in the doorway to the kitchen.

We stare at him.

He stares at us.

Beth is on her knees. I'm standing there, pants around my ankles, with a quickly diminishing hard-on.

"What the fuck?" Andy says.

Beth, without missing a beat: "What are you doing here?

"I came to help with the couch."

"It's been handled," Beth says, jaw tight. "Andy. You can't just let yourself in. This is

my

house."

Andy takes us in. "What is going on here?" he says, incredulous.

She throws a hand my direction. "Well, I was giving this guy a blowjob until we got interrupted."

"I should probably go..." I say, fumbling with my waistband.

"You're not going anywhere," Beth commands.

"Our divorce was just finalized

yesterday

," Andy snaps.

"'Finalized,' being the operative word."

"You are

un

-believable."

"Andy," Beth says, standing. "Go. And leave your keys."

Andy stares back at her. Way too long. Then he digs into his pocket, pulls out his keys, and yanks one from the ring. He slams it on the kitchen island.

"Both of them. Back door too."

With a sigh, Andy peels off a second key and slaps it down, keeping his eyes on Beth.

Then he turns to me. He looks me up and down, slowly. Shakes his head.

"Never would've pegged you," he mutters.

Another shake of the head. Then he turns and walks out, slamming the door behind him.

Silence.

"Think he'll be back?" I ask.

"No. If past is prologue, he's already half way to his Mother's by now. She'll welcome him with open arms, tell him what a good boy he is. How he deserves better. Then she'll make him some hot chocolate and send him to bed. Maybe read him a story."

"Yikes."

Beth rolls her eyes.

"That wasn't my impression," I say. "I was kind of intimidated by him."

"Yeah. He has those sad alpha-male notions. Didn't take long for me to see through it."
She sighs. "But... I was all in at the beginning."

I'm still awkwardly trying to get my pants back in order. It's not going well.

"Not the best goodbye," Beth mumbles.

She bends forward, face in her hands, shoulders trembling. There's a wet sniffle.

"Hey," I say, voice low, consoling. I lay a hand on her shoulder. Rub her back, trying to be supportive while I have a fistful of pants in my other hand. "It's okay."

That's when Beth throws her head back and erupts into barking laughter. Full-body, unhinged, uncontrollable laughter.

At first, I just blink. Then I let out a small laugh. And then it hits me, too. Suddenly I'm howling alongside her.

We keep going, gasping between fits. Beth braces herself on my shoulder, bent over with laughter that rocks her entire frame.

"The way you were," deep breath, "

standing at attention

," another breath, "when he walked in..."

She loses it again, doubled over.

We're crying now, laughing so hard. I'm worried I'm going to lose a contact lens. Beth's holding her glasses in one hand, face in the other, shoulders shaking like she's having a full-body seizure.

Eventually, the laughter fades. A few leftover giggles sputter out. We cough. Breathe. Settle.

Beth looks at me, still smiling. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I say. And it really is.

We drink our warm beers. Beth takes another long pull on hers to finish it off.

"Well," she says, setting the bottle down on the counter. "I need a shower."

I nod and smile.

Beth arches an eyebrow.

"You coming?"

***

We're in the shower, cleaning each other's body with soapy hands. We feel each other with abandon. I delight in running my hands over Beth's back, arms, breasts, thighs.

Between

her thighs. She caresses me all over too, heartily stroking my stiff cock.

Earlier, Beth had led me down a hallway to the shower. I ditched most of my lower-half clothes in the kitchen: shoes, socks, jeans. I was unbuttoning my shirt as I watched her from behind. She was down to her panties, sweats and t-shirt already tossed. She wrapped her long hair into a utilitarian bun as she walked down the hall.

I marveled. There was just so much woman there. Substantive--

thick--

but at the same time, fit and well-proportioned. Trim waste, muscles in her limbs from regular exercise. Sure, there might be a little extra in her thighs, a cute little belly, but this just made her sexier. I could see her breasts swaying side to side as she worked on her hair. Wonderfully heavy, resting high against her ribcage.

In the shower we continue to caress and fondle. Kiss greedily then feel each other up some more. Beth turns her back to me and my hard cock rests against her ass crack. Instinctively I start rubbing it up and down. She pushes her ass against me. We stumble.

"'Nuff of this," Beth says, breathless. "I've read enough statistics of bathroom injuries to know we're pushing our luck."

I lean in and breathe in her ear, "That's so sexy, Beth."

She snorts a laugh. Then she's all business. Turns off the shower, steps out and hands me a towel, grabs one for herself. She rubs around her entire body so she's dry enough. I do the same. There are a few loose wet hairs sticking to her back between her shoulders. It's like something out of a Degas painting.

Beth drops her towel, grabs my neck and pulls me into a passionate kiss.

"I need you inside me."

That's all it takes. We're hustling over to the bed. Fall in and start rolling around, making out like teenagers. We grind our lower halves together in some not-so-dry humping. We rotate, me on top, her on top, me on top, her on top, until we settle on me above. We both fumble for my cock to guide it to her pussy. I notice the wetness there is not from the shower. There's more now, warm and slippery. The tip of my rock-hard cock pushes against her pussy lips and nudges the hole. I feel it part her opening. Beth thrusts her pelvis against me as I push in. I slide all the way into her glorious cunt.

Beth lets out a deep groan of sensual pleasure, then takes in a sharp breath. Her voice is surprisingly high pitched and girlie when she says, "Wow, you're big." Then she's back to the no-nonsense Beth I know, grunting hearty moans of orgasmic bliss.

There's nothing elegant about what we're doing. We're humping like livestock. Holding each other close as we fuck. I pull back to look into her eyes. Our mutual intense gaze sends us into a frenzy. Beth can't get close enough. She has me in a tight hug, legs wrapped around. She pulls my head in so we're cheek to cheek. Breathes hard and fast as she throws her pelvis against my cock in rapid fire thrusts.

We're both close. Our moans, sighs, grunts and yelps let each other know we're going to cum.

We do. Both of us letting out euphoric cries as I make a final deep thrust, my cock spraying torrents of cum into Beth's welcoming cunt. Beth's thighs shudder, gripping me even tighter. We yelp more pleasure noises, a few giggles mixed in from the shock of our orgasms.

***

Beth is laying back, arm behind her head, right ankle propped on my left. She rests a hand on my thigh.

"God, I needed that," she sighs. "I haven't cum that hard in a long time." She gives my thigh an affectionate double-tap. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," I laugh. Is she serious? I'm so grateful to be where I am right now I could weep.

Beth flips sideways to look me in the eye.

"Seriously, what's your deal? How come you don't have a girlfriend?"

"I've had girlfriends."

"Obviously," she says. "You know what you're doing."

This gives me a tingle of satisfaction.

"Yeah, I've had girlfriends," I say. "Just none that've lasted."

"So you're difficult."

"What makes you say

I'm

the difficult one?"

"Statistical probability."

"Fair."

I prop myself up to get a better angle for chatting.

"So how about you? How'd you get to be so funny?"

"My dad. He's an electrical engineer. Made up for his mind-numbingly boring job by being hilarious. So, sense of humor from dad. Tits from my mom."

"Thanks, Mom."

I take in her amazing body. "And it's not just your tits. You've got the whole package."

Beth arches an eyebrow. "Go on."

I sit up. Maneuver down and pick up one of her feet.

"Let's start here, shall we?"

Beth chuckles. "Go ahead, you weirdo."

"So here we have your foot. Large enough to support your frame, but elegant. Not too delicate, just lovely. Cute toes. Nice choice on the sparkly blue toenail polish, by the way."

"Thank you."

I give her foot a chaste kiss.

"Moving on to your calf." I rub the bottom of her calf then hold it. "Smooth skin, nicely toned muscle." I give it a squeeze.

"Now to your thigh. I could write a dissertation about these thighs. Beautifully substantive."

"

Careful

...'

"In the best possible way! I mean--so elegantly defined. So wonderfully hefty."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Yeah it is!" I pause on her inner thigh. "I could seriously pack a lunch and spend the afternoon here."

I explore the milky-white soft skin. Give it a bunch of kisses.

"Focus!"

"Sorry!"

I pause at her pelvis. Drink in the beautiful, neatly trimmed, soft brown hair above her vagina. The still-wet pussy lips. I rotate my hand above this area of hers in a

wax on

gesture and say, "we'll come back to this part."

"Promise?"

I lean over and kiss her bellybutton. Pull back and say, "Adorable. An innie, my favorite kind. With the obligatory bellybutton ring."

"I got it in high school. Think it was the law."

I take both hands and, starting in her middle, rub upwards until I have both breasts in a light hold. Beth lets out a heavy, satisfied sigh.

"Well, what can we say about these. Pure perfection." I lean forward and lick a hard nipple. Drink in the darker pink areola that fades beautifully into the lighter pink of her breast. Up further still to kiss her on the lips. We go at it for moment. Wide mouths, lots of tongue. I pull back. Beth is breathing a little heavier.

I brighten. "Can't forget about the hands!"

I pick one up and inspect it. Rotate it a little.

"Lovely long fingers. Short, well maintained nails."

"They have to be that way for work."

"Would you wear them long otherwise?"

"God, no."

"Right answer."

I inspect her palm. Draw my finger across it. I look at her pointedly. "I have no idea what these lines mean."

"Good," Beth says.

I go to lay her hand down when she grabs mine. Pulls it to her face since her glasses are on the nightstand.

"Wow! You've got big hands!"

"So I've been told. Now, if you don't mind, I'm giving the tour here."

"Fine." She drops back onto the pillow.

I trace her face with my fingers. "So beautiful. Everything about it. Even your ears are adorable. I love to see the shock on people's faces when your raunchy humor comes out of that exquisite mouth."

"I get off on it."

"Turn over, please."

Beth does.

"Lovely long neck and back." I give each of these a brief massage. She

hmms

.

I work my way down.

"Here's a question: how can your bum be both adorable and sexy?"

"Nomenclature."

"How's that?"

"Adorable when it's called my bum, sexy when it's my ass."

"Well then, let's take a further look at your

ass

."

Beth snickers.

I start to massage it. Relish its inviting fleshy-ness.

"I'm getting distracted," I say, breaking character.

"That's fine," Beth coos.

I notice Beth's ass steadily rising in the air. I encourage this until it's fully propped up. Beth spreads her legs just enough to make me weak. I feel an erection coming on.

I start kissing her ass cheeks, going closer in. Beth spreads her legs wider. Spreads them with purpose. I can tell from her breathing she's giving me an invitation.