"Hello stranger!" Said this annoyingly familiar voice.
She'd always wondered, always had that thought at the back of her mind, would she know him if she heard him? The really annoying thing was that the answer was yes. She'd have known it any crowd. Worse, it made her smile. 15 years and two words had her smiling!!
Now what idiot would even talk to someone who'd walked out on them 15 years previously?
This had started with a Facebook friend request. Not one for adding automatically, she'd opened it, saw the name, and for a maximum of 2 seconds had no idea who it was and then...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sanity at that point should have said, thanks, but no thanks.....No...Oh, no.....not this girl. She sends a message back and thus starts the emotional spiral.
You see, there's always that question isn't there? Why did it happen? What caused that relationship to fail? And so, you talk. You apologise. You find yourself taking half the blame. You remember. You laugh...........and that's when it starts to go, well, is wrong the right word?
So there you have it. First there were the messages. Then "here's my email address." Which bit of madness makes her reply "and here's mine."? So more messages. How do you catch up on 15 years? I know...you swap phone numbers....oh there's a really good idea!! Yup, that's exactly what they did and before you know it, they're talking every day., or nearly and if they don't talk there's always text. Only a complete moron would not realise that they were heading for, well, what? You know that itch that needs scratched??
Joking apart...it was a roller coaster. When they'd parted she cut all memory of him out of her life, all traces, all photos. She'd cut more than that!! Once she sold the house just under a year later that was another thing she cut. She'd never been back. She had only the bad memories to fester on, to feed her anger and bitterness. She had always thought, and she told him this, that she'd hoped if they'd ever met that she could have walked on by without a word. His answer...."I always hoped I'd get the chance to say I'm sorry." Oh yes, destined to tug at the old heart strings that one!!
Memories are valuable things and she kept getting flashes. Not the bad stuff she'd allowed to fester and cloud the whole thing but funny ones, serious ones. The moment at the top of Blackpool Tower when she discovered he was scared of heights. Coronation Street in Manchester. A programme she started watching because he did, and she still does!! They had to go back to a couple of places in "the street" more than once just so he could see it again. Taking walks down the old mill trail with the boys, the fact that he always used two towels when he had a shower......Oh yes, many, many flashes.
So she went back. 14 years since she drove that road and it felt so familiar. Down the dip, round the chicanes, turn right at the top and there it was, number 50. It looked like little had changed.
The shed they'd built. The garden gate was the same. All as if that length of time had never happened.
So much flooded back.
The night he left the fridge door open and she walked into it carrying two plates of chilli.
The nights she sat waiting for him to come home no matter how late.
Teaching him to drive.
The day he got the job he's still in and he had to pass his driving test within a few days.
Getting his first car.
The time the cat got shut in the tumble dryer!
Laughter.
Hugs. Lots of hugs.
The night she'd needed him for support when she had to tell her son his father had died. God, she'd needed him then and he'd been there, a rock that had held her together through that time. She could still see that picture, sitting on the floor in the living room telling her son the news.
The day she knew it was over.
So, back to the phone calls. They were a great way to cheer the day up....at least for her. Then of course, as all girls do, she started to question why.
He felt sorry for her was one that went through her head.
Guilt on his part was another.
He was bored at work and it was something different to do in the day.
He wanted to show her that things had worked out well for him.
You know the way girls think? It was all there!!
Not once, initially, did she think that he just liked talking to her. There had to be an ulterior motive......
They explored so much, they talked so much. Current relationships, their jobs, music, where they'd gone wrong all that time ago. They went over that a lot. They both cried, emotional meltdown....not on the same day... She wrote it down, she'd always written things down. 15 years on, 15 years older and it's easier to say "this is what happened, this is how I felt, this is where it went wrong." So into an attachment it went and how he took it would dictate how they moved forward. She really had thought that it would end there. They'd said what had to be said. Put what had happened into perspective for both of them and that should have been it. BUT...there's always a but isn't there? Neither of them could let go. And then she knew. She really had always known somewhere in her head since this started.
They just plain liked each other, still felt deeply for each other. Cool!!
And then it started. The reason that they'd got into trouble 20 years previously. Now you'd think that older and wiser would prevail.....15 plus years is a long time to get some common sense in but no, oh no....not these two!! And once you're into your 50's and the other one's in late 40's you should know better, should know when to call a halt....but.... They started to flirt, just a wee bit, then a bit more, and a bit more and......Stop! Just stop....But they didn't did they?
In the years between she'd never done again what they had done to his wife. But she had got bored and when a girl is bored she starts doing things that normally she might see as foolhardy. The Internet. Lots, and lots of web sites. Lots and lots of meeting people websites. Lots and lots of chances to be a little bit naughty, after all, it's only the internet....who's to know? She'd joined a site, sexsearch.com....great name...and there had been a stream of, lets face it, disgusting, lonely men looking for kicks. Did that make her the same as them? Course not!!! But. There was this one guy. Canadian. Same age. Looking for a bit of online adventure, just as she was. Contact was made. Emails were exchanged and..............It lasted almost 2 years. And one of the things she started to do was take photos of herself for him in varying states of dress. She still had this as a hobby, still took the pictures...God knows why so....you can guess where this is going....she sent him one.
Now, in life we learn what's safe and what's not. We learn that if you walk out into a busy road you might just get hit by a bus. If you walk under a ladder with someone on it you might get something dropped on your head. And if you walk too close to the edge you might slip and fall over.....OH, yeah. You might just fall over..... So why?? Why do you want to just take that peek over the edge?? Take that first step, then the next, then the next, until........woops. there you go!!! Disappeared in a hail of stones.....Metaphorical stones.
They had begun to flirt, started to joke. He told her about a "sleazy hotel" he knew of and they joked about meeting there for many days! It was obvious he'd used its facilities before!
So to cap that she sent him some more pictures, ones she knew damn fine he'd like. . and she told him more about her "secret" life. She was kinked. She was into BDSM.....she loved that he hadn't really known what that was, she enjoyed telling him. It was odd though. Because no one else knew, none of her closest friends, no one until she told him.
He did get the wrong end of it though, thought she was hurting herself so she had to explain about sensation play and that it was about that more than actually pain. And the dressing up. That was one of the bits she loved....Bit o a change there then form when they'd lived together.
They'd already agreed to meet for lunch and they kept to it.
That day they'd agreed to meet at a pub half way between where they both lived. She had agonised over what to wear. They both were very aware that there was still chemistry between them so she didn't want to wear anything that gave the wrong idea nor did she want to look frumpy!! God, decisions!!
Finally she decided on the new jeans, they were a nice fit!! Actually she'd intended to wear then for this since the day she bought them! And a top that, if you didn't keep an eye on it had a tendency to be a wee bit revealing but not too much. And under it she had some red hot underwear on....Provocative? Maybe. Daring? Probably. Dangerous? Best to be prepared though! "Fuck." She thought "What will be will be and we'll just have to deal with it!! We're older now, we know the dangers so we'll be able to behave." "Yeah, right...." Said the other side of her brain....heard THAT one before.
She wanted him to see her tattoos though, so it had to be a short sleeved top and most of those were a little but low...."The man's seen a cleavage before." She thought. "Stop getting into a panic over it.....And breathe!"
By the time she got to the headless chicken stage she decided to leave the house. No point in putting it off. What was going to be was going to be. She'd decided to be early, nerves and...well...she's never late for anything! She got there and sat in the car to catch her breath, calm her nerves. They might have talked every day for 3 even 4 weeks but they hadn't seen each other for...well....we know that one now.
As she sat in the car she gradually became aware of that feeling when you just know you're being watched. She turned her head to find him grinning at her through the window.....Why she hadn't though to check the car next to her she didn't know. Slowly she opened the door.
"Breathe, she thought, just breathe. And smile. Should I smile? Should I ....fuck what do I do?"
Slowly she got out of the car, closed the door. Opened the back to get her bag and give her the chance to calm her thumping heart. She knew now. Knew exactly how she felt, and she knew that this wasn't going to end here.
Having retrieved her bag and having heard the door of his car close she straightened up, closed her door and turned.
They just stood. Stood and looked. For a long moment. A very long moment. The moment turned into an eternity.
Then as if by some signal they both moved. He put his arms round her and her world turned upside down. The familiarity. The tight hug. The clinging.....and then came the tears. She couldn't stop.....
"God, this is embarrassing." She said. In the same moment she realised that he was crying too.
"What are we like?" He said.
"I did say I'd bring loads of tissues!" She said pulling a handful from her pocket. They both laughed. He stepped back, still holding her arm.
"Let me look at you properly. A photo's not the same." He said.
"Crying Steven, not looking my best....Give me a minute."
She dived back into the car, pulled out some concealer and did her best to cover the damage done.
"I've seen you in worse states you know." Said the annoyingly familiar voice from behind. "And I've had a tear as well....tell you what....pass that stuff here and I'll use it too."
She laughed, his intention of course. Break the tension. Get things back on track.
"Come on." He said. "Let's go for a walk."
"Ok. I'm up for that. Bit early to eat yet anyway."
They set off, suitable distance apart.
Ok...weird. Now that they are together they seem not to able to talk. Silence. More silence. Long silence.....Then that awful moment when you both start talking at once!!!!!
Shit....."Sorry." They both said. "On you go." They both said. And finally the ice was broken. She put her arm through his and they stared to chat, relaxed in each others company, at last.
You think this ends here? I don't think so....
They walk. They talk. All sorts stuff, anything and everything just the way it used to be. And as they walked, without either of them noticing they get closer..............and closer.
Something he says makes her laugh really loudly and he turns and looks down at her. In the same moment she looks up at him and they both pause looking at each other, drinking each other in. You can read the moment can't you? You can see what's coming?
