He Was Disgusted with Himself

Jared was drunk. He had cut back, he had been losing weight. He had been going to the gym. These were all things she had asked for. He had cut back on his travel. He wasn't leaving town every Monday coming back on Thursday. He was leaving for a day at a time, only when he had to, back the next morning if possible. He was making a list. He had sold the BMW she hated and bought a pick-up. He no longer commented on what she wore, ever, other than to say she looked nice.

She had been pretty specific in her demands.

And then she was cheating anyway.

"I don't know, is it cheating? She didn't fuck some dude?" he asked the blonde. He had forgotten her name. It was a K name but not Kay, or Kathy, or Karen... It was one of those new ones. Kirstyn, Krista... Probably Krista.

"Um, yeah. It's cheating."

"I thought so."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I dunno. I would slip away with you to Mexico but i promised not to hit on you."

"I know. It makes this hard."

"Makes what hard?"

"Nothing. You want another?"

He got another beer, she got another Margarita.

"How old are you?" he asked her. He had put her at 45 or so at first but then she had moved from the end of the bar and he had put away three tall draft beers and two shots.

"Really?"

"Naw. I mean, I'm curious, but I know you aren't supposed to ask. I just, i would feel shitty if you were like 22 or something."

"Ha!" she said.

"Guys. I need to close Y'all out?" the woman behind the bar said. It made him sad. He was over the angry and had fallen into sad. He didn't want to not be married. He liked Julie. He knew her shit. He certainly didn't want to go through a divorce. Now he was sad the bar was closing and he was sad she hadn't come looking for him. He only ever went to one place. If she gave a shit, she would have come to find him.

Jared paid the check and promised he wasn't driving.

"How are you getting home?" K something asked.

"I can walk."

"Live close?"

"Not far."

"As close as Willow View?"

"What's Willow view?" he asked.

"Come on, I'll show you."

And so, at the lowest point in his life, he sunk lower. He followed the woman home. He didn't really follow, he staggered beside her. The apart complex was right behind the bar and the walk was mercifully short. He held her about the waist as they climbed steps to a second-floor apartment and held himself against her as she fumbled with the keys to get the door open.

"Hey, no hitting on me," she said.

"I wasn't. Purely support," he thought he said. It didn't quite come out that way but she didn't mind.

It was a short walk through a single room and she went to the bedroom and he went to the bathroom.

he braced his head against the wall as he peed loudly into a small toilet. He left the bathroom disoriented.

"Back here," she called.

He did not think he would do her. He had resolved not to. In a small dark bedroom lit by a single lamp that glowed pink beneath a flap or silk or something that was probably a fire hazard. She was laying on the bed. She was naked.

She was younger than he thought, definitely younger. She was heavier, possibly, a billowy pillowy sort of woman. Her soft pink flesh was marred by lines from a bra a size too small and jeans that left an imprint of stitched denim.

Still, she was lovely, and she called him to her. It felt good to lie down.

"Wait, I can't hit on you," he said.

"I know. Take your clothes off."

He did as she told him.

He was nestled between great orbs of breast, nibbling at them when she asked.

No, he declined. He was not ready to do coke.

"How about this," she suggested. She shifted her weight back in the bed, propping herself up, her tits begged him desperately to return, they needed his mouth. She giggled and told him to wait. She opened a small metal tin. She showed him. "It takes longer this way but it works," she said.

Her thick thighs separated and just as if decorating a brownie with powdered sugar sprinkled the fine white powder on her pussy. With a single finger, she pressed a dab of it inside of her. He watched in awe, he had never seen such a thing. She hummed a little and held out her hand as if pointing at him. He wanted to ask if she meant him.

"Taste me. Do I taste good?" she purred. He couldn't resist. he took her finger into his mouth, running his tongue along it sampling her pussy and dosing himself nicely with cocaine.

"Do you feel better?" she asked.

"Yes," he had to admit. "Yes, yes, I do!"

"Will you lick me?" she asked. She followed the question with a moan and raised round knees opening up to him. "Please."

"Yes," he said. he growled. "Your pussy looks delicious!" He wanted it, needed it. it was plump and juicy and hairless and as he buried his mouth into her he moaned feeling as if he would come just slipping his tongue between her ripe pink lips.

The more he licked her, the more he had to lick her. She jiggled and giggled and her fleshy body filled his hands, her pussy filled his mouth. He pressed her clit to his teeth with his tongue and she growled like a mountain lion.

She lifted her hips.

She fucked his face.

He pressed a finger into her, then two, then into her ass.

Her body went tight.

He moved his hand faster.

"Oh!" she gulped. "Oh - oh - oh - oh shit!"

And so he fucked her harder with his fingers, devouring her sweet pussy and minutes slipped into an hour and he was fucking her, slow and fast then slower, then hard, he fucked like a sledgehammer and stroked his cock in out of her like playing violin and she kissed him, ripe plump lips on his mouth.

When he passed out, unable to move, beside her in the bed, his mind spinning but his body spent she took his cock in her hand. She cackled as he pulled at it. Sitting up she was thinner, stronger and he no longer trusted his sense. Young and plump was more mature and eager and her fingers worked his balls until they moved to his ass and she decided, what the fuck, why not, or maybe she didn't just decide then, maybe it was what she always did after coking her cunt and as she worked his ass with her finger she sucked his cock and he was hard again and this time she was on top.

And she stopped.

She just sat there, her cunt gripping his dick, her fingers teasing his nippled, her mouth the smile of that evil cat whatever the fuck it was, he couldn't think of the name right then.

She fucked him a while then he fucked her. Back and forth. He never came, he just fucked her, his heart pounding in his chest, his ears ringing, his head throbbing.

I should go, he said.

Okay, she allowed.

he dressed and then undressed to pee for what felt like an hour in short blasts and then he left.

Why hadn't he driven, he wondered walking to his car.

4:17 the truck told him. He was in and he wasn't going home because he wasn't ready. He had a plan, he had thoughts and he had a fucking erection.

he sat in the gym parking lot. It was open, it was always open, but he was in jeans and flip flops and so he figured, rather than get thrown out of the gym for swimming laps naked he would go home.

But he didn't make it home. He made it across the parking lot where he bought a dozen donuts from the donut store that just opened and took his donuts next door into the only kind of store that was open 24 hours. only in Texas do they put the adult boutique next to the donut store.

he knew precisely what he needed because it made sense now, two options, hers to chose. He would help her out. he supported either. She could leave if she wanted, maybe that was what she always wanted. But she could stay too. She needed to do things differently but she could stay. He bought the strap on, a three-pack of threesome DVD's, a book on lesbian sex and finally he went home.

he found her in bed. he was excited. She was awake, just pretending to be asleep. He tossed his presants on the bed, took a donut, peed again, and joined her in bed.

"We have to talk."

"Go away. Where were you? I was fucking scared. I was scared for you. Where did you go? You smell like shit. Like SEX!" she sat up, "And beer! You didn't drive, did you? Jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Coke, I think, I'm not sure. here. I got you this." he handed her the book. "I dunno, you probably know all this. It's been what, four months. I mean, I knew, I should have known. Danielle, right, shit, she works for you! You could get fired! Anyway, I got you this. You want a donut? They're fresh. So but I also got you these. I mean, really, fingering good... fucking better. You need to step up your game. She's hot, I guess, maybe not, I only saw her from a distance, but she had kind of a pretty face, big tits. So these here. You can look at them when you get a chance. I think it would be better if you stayed. I mean, really, this is going to run its course, have your fun, but I do love you, slut or not, would like you to stay, better for the boys. We are fucking almost 50, the sex, good or bad, is going to go away, probably before we want it to. I pretty much quit drinking you know. Well, I drank tonight. But then the coke, it all just sort of came to me. You can fuck her, it will be good, but you know, if we are going to be married, well, you have to share. If she is no big deal and you just want women, well, we will find one. They are called unicorns. It will be fun. If you want a guy, we can get that too. Like i said, what, we will only really want to have sex a few more years, we can be swingers, you can wear your strap on, fuck some girls. You think about it. Fuck these are good donuts. I need a smoke, you still hide them in the center console?"

Jared left his wife with her porn and the donuts, fished a pack of smokes from her car, and wandered out back. It was chilly in only a T-shirt. It felt good, his face felt really hot. The cigarette was awesome.

"Jay?" she asked, peering out the patio door. "Are you okay?"

"Considering the shit that went on today, fuck yeah, I feel good."

"Maybe we should go to the hospital," she said.

"Your ass looked so hot today!"