Hal Brink was seriously thinking of retiring from sex as a recreational activity but he possessed a nagging doubt about that. What if there was nothing on interest on TV, or the movies were crap or none of the guys wanted to hang out?
Probably he was mostly at fault for this anti-sex downer. What had Bessie claimed when splitting? "Oh yeah, 'You are uncouth with your scratching fingernails and stubble and always trying to push it into the no-no place'."
Was she mentally deficient?
Hal sighed. Most of the great looking babes these days were nursing babies or had a guy lined up to take them to the altar. The really, really interesting babes left young and just into their sexual up-curve for the big smoke, most without having allowed him entry. What a fucked-up world it was; at least his part of it.
Walking across the street, hands in pockets and mumbling to himself Hal didn't see the car coming.
* * *
Belinda Meek was checking her new hair styling in the rear-vision mirror when she looked up just in time to see her car run over a guy.
"Ohmigod. Shit!"
The curvaceous divorced music teacher braked heavily and screamed. She pulled out her phone and called emergency services.
* * *
A groggy "Where am I?" was Hal wake-up bleat when regaining consciousness in hospital A&E.
"In Mercy Hospital," said a bored nurse. "You've taken a bit of a thump. The fool of a woman who ran over you has left you with severe lacerations and massive bruising. Doctor thinks you must be made of rubber, not to have suffered major injuries."
"What about my cock?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did the bitch take out my penis?"
"Oh no, it's fine, at the ready for that bitch to suck remorsefully, I'd imagine."
"Can I go?"
"Certainly providing you can walk."
"I can walk Dummy."
Hal eased down on to his feet, screamed "OUCH!" and fell, Dummy catching him.
"You have an overnight stay in here pending the medical rounds in the morning to ascertain your road worthiness."
"Fuck that Dummy. Push me home on a gurney."
"Please calm down. You are disturbing other patients."
"Fuck other idiots and their moping relatives."
The senior nurse he'd labeled Dummy fiddled and then leant over him with a carnivorous grin. She wiped something cold and smelly over his ass...
"Oh Jesus, it's going dark. I'm going blind," Hal mumbled as the injection Dummy had just administered took beautiful effect. He thought he was seeing lovely juicy pieces of pink apple pie floating just beyond his reach.
* * *
"Come on Hal, rise and shine, called the Army sergeant. "Get that ass of yours to the bathroom."
But it wasn't the Army, it appeared to be a hospital. The hard-ass sergeant turned into a soft-ass pretty babe dressed as a nurse.
"Show us your tits."
"Oh Hal do I really have to?"
"Yeah."
She sighed and dropped the top of her tunic. They were small and cherry tipped. The 'tat' between them read, 'Suck softly'.
Hal grinned and felt heaps better. He told her to get her top back up before her humorless supervisor spotted her.
She said her name was Carole. Carole helped Hall in the short walk to have his crap. It was painfully and his once flawless lightly olive-shaded body – that's not counting the unsightly hair, scars, freckles and skin eruptions – was now an ugly mix of blue, black, red and yellow toning.
"Did your wife beat you up?" asked Carole, one of those modern nurses who dispense with reading a patient's chart before interfacing with him/her/it.
Feeling a bit lighter after being on the toilet, Hal walked back to his bed unassisted.
Carole noted that improvement on his chart, A guy in a suit surrounded by a retinue of hangers-on looked at him at 9:10 and said, "Are you ready to go home Mr Brink?"
Hal had no reason to say anything other than yes.
"Right, you may exit here at noon. Report daily to your regular medical consultant."
It took two weeks to get in to see that bitch of a doctor but Hal kept that to himself, not wishing to be institutionalized a moment longer than noon that day.
His mom arrived looking flustered.
"I've taken time off work."
"Well don't waste time here."
She said, "Why didn't you tell us you were in hospital?"
"My phone, she's broke, crushed against my chest as the oil pan under the motor slid over me."
"Christ Hal, you are twenty-five, far too old to be playing on the street. You ought to have been looking harder for a job."
"You become a little tired of looking for a job when you're unemployed."
"That's enough of that lip. The hospital called to say you will be discharged at noon and none of us knew you were in hospital, all suspecting you'd be in some poor women's pants."
"Well you know how it is mom. Parents around the world are complaining the standard of communication from their kids is abysmal."
"Abysmal? Who gave you that fancy word?"
"Playing computer games mom. That's where kids get their advanced education these days."
"Well you take a cab to your Aunt Alice. She's prepared to nurse you better during the next two weeks. Now you have to promise me you won't interfere with cousin Megan and cousin Allie."
"You have my assurance mom. They are clones of Aunt Alice so they are truly safe. Anyways, I'm giving up on sex."
"You have to be kidding. Did your head get damaged in that run over?"
Dummy came in and recorded Hal's pulse and temperature readings and asked had his bowels moved that morning.
"Yeah, I moved from the bed to the bathroom and my bowels accompanied me."
She laughed. "Want me to check your dick – you were worried about it yesterday?"
"Yeah but suck softly."
Dummy colored and Hal began wondering about checking her out closely when she flipped his covers back, lifted his length, gave it a couple of long licks and said she pronounced it ready for reengagement.
Hal grinned.
He was sipping mid-morning coffee when a pair of great tits not in nursing uniform arrived at his bedside. Recant was another word Hal had picked up, he thought from The Titan Mutant's Invasion of Earth. The sight of those tits made him wonder if he ought to recant on turning away from sex.
"Hi my dear boy. I'm Belinda Meek. I put you in hospital."
"Yeah you and who's army?"
"I was the driver of the car that hit you."
"God you bitch."
Belinda turned a cute color of pink and said she was sorry.
"Show us your tits."
She looked nonplussed.
"Come on, show us your tits."
Belinda looked around furtively and then displaying huge embarrassment pulled her dress top down half an inch.
"Not good enough. Flop one out."
The guy in the next bed howled in pain as he attempted the impossible to sit up and watch, forgetting he had a broken back.
Red-faced and practically panting Belinda pulled out a tit. There was rather a lot of it.