As I stood and looked at Mike, I had no idea how to address the situation. I loved Mike. But that wasn't the same as being in love with her. She was an important part of my relationship with Gwen. But it was Gwen I was in love with and would soon marry. Gwen liked having Mike with us in the bedroom. It fulfilled some need. I certainly enjoyed Mike's presence when Gwen and I were together but I never would have thought to suggest her participation. Mike enjoyed being with us. I wasn't sure if it was more about her relationship with Gwen or a desire for me. I suspected it was at least a bit of both.
Gwen's absence lessened the appeal of sex with Mike for some reason. I'm not sure I understand why, even these many years later. She was smart and funny, kind and considerate, very attractive, inventive, and very desirable. But I didn't feel comfortable with this. I didn't want it without Gwen. But I also didn't want to hurt Mike.
I stood mute before Mike. She looked amazing, as always. If Gwen were with us, there'd have been no reluctance. Hesitantly, I sat on the bed. When I turned to face Mike, I could see desire in her eyes. Before I could take a breath to speak, Mike moved toward me and kissed me on the forehead, then the tip of my nose, finally, softly on my lips. I just sat there. I didn't move or speak. I knew my first word or movement would signal rejection. I feared Mike would be deeply wounded and I didn't want that. But I knew I couldn't make love to Mike without Gwen.
Mike seemed to take my inaction as a signal that I wanted her to take the lead. She continued softly kissing my lips while she ran her hands down my face, then across my chest. Her fingertips found my nipples through my shirt and pinched them. I squirmed, but not for the reasons Mike anticipated. Mike moved a hand down my chest past my belt and down my right leg. When her hand reached my knee, she moved it to my left leg and began moving it up my leg.
When she didn't find what she expected, she stiffened and sat back on her haunches and looked down. When she looked up, I started to speak but she put a finger to my lips to hush me.
'Don't, Jonas.' I could hear her disappointment. There was a little pain in her eyes, too.
'I'm sorry, Michele, I . . .' I started.
Mike hushed me again. 'It's okay, Jonas. I think I knew before you got here that it wouldn't happen tonight. I know you love me. But Gwen fuels it. She's your great love. I know that. I've always known that. I love you both. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I'm afraid now that you and Gwen are getting married, I'll lose you both. I know it's not fair. But it's how I feel.'
'I do love you, Michele. But you're right. I never would have tried to involve you with Gwen and me. How, or why, you both entered into this relationship with me is still a mystery.' I told Mike. 'I love having you with us. But it doesn't feel the same without Gwen. If you find someone, I'll be happy for you. I'll miss you. But I also know I'll be happy if I only have only Gwen in my bed.'
'Michele.' Mike smiled when she said it. But it was a smile of resignation. 'You haven't called me Michele in a long time.'
'I only said it out of respect.' I told her. 'You'll always be Mike, for many reasons. I just felt for this conversation, Michele is more appropriate.'
Mike leaned forward and bussed my lips. There was no heat in the kiss. It was more like a quick, first kiss a twelve-year-old girl might plant on a boy she liked when no one was looking. I embraced her and held her for a moment.
'The last thing I want is to hurt you, Mike. You're so important to Gwen. Though Gwen loves me enough to be my wife, she needs you, too. I'm not sure how she would react if I hurt you. I don't want to find out. But that's not the only reason. You're important to me, too.'
Mike smiled. 'I know, Jonas. I also know it's not only for the sex. You always treat me like I'm an important part of your life.'
'So, what do we do from here?' I asked. 'Were you planning to be here all night?'
Mike grinned. 'Not at all. I was going to fuck you to exhaustion and then go spend the night at Gwen's. I told her folks I'd be back late and spend the night so I'd be there to help first thing in the morning.'
I felt my eyebrows raise. 'I don't know if I would have wanted to hear that conversation if things had gone as planned.'
Mike giggled like a school girl. 'I'm sure you would have acquitted yourself well. Gwen and I have talked about you many times when you weren't around. Your secrets have all been compromised.'
Mike got off the bed at that point. She left the room briefly and returned with a small bag. She sat beside me and changed her clothes. I tried not to watch but Mike was a beautiful woman that had, up until tonight, been hard to resist. I couldn't help but look. I could see Mike's smile in the mirror. She knew I couldn't resist watching her.
'Well, at least I know I haven't lost my appeal,' she said. 'You're still looking.'
'Mike, this didn't happen because I'm not attracted to you. The next time we're all together, I'll make it up to you.'
'You had better!' she grinned. 'And I hope it's soon. I don't want to go to Europe without another get together.'
'We're going to stay in Boston for a few days. My father knows the house but he won't show up unless I invite him. He's leaving in a few days. And I'm sure he wants to spend time alone with his new wife. We can talk to Gwen and maybe make a plan tomorrow if we can find a few quiet moments.'
Mike smiled but didn't say anything at first. 'We won't have to. Gwen and I will make plans tonight. You don't think what happened tonight was completely unexpected?'
The question caught me by surprise. 'Was this some sort of test?' I asked, feeling a bit annoyed at the prospect.
'No, Jonas. Gwen wanted this for us. But we both wondered if it would happen. I was almost prepared for you to say no. I'm not going to say I wasn't disappointed. But my feet are on the ground, Jonas. I know how you feel about Gwen.'
Mike approached and took my hand and pulled me up. 'I should get going. Come. You can be a gentleman and close the garage door when I leave.'
I followed Mike down to the living room. After we put on our coats, we went out the back. I carried out Mike's bag and tossed it into her back seat. She stood on her toes and kissed me on the cheek to say good night, got in the car and drove toward Gwen's without a glance in my direction. I closed the garage and went back inside to get ready for bed.
Getting to bed took a while. There were dozens of candles to deal with. I extinguished them all, gathered them up and put them away. Then got ready for bed.
I was lying in bed, reading when I heard a car pull in. I got up and looked out the window just in time to see Mr. Purdy pull around the corner at his end of the carriage house. I heard two car doors open and close and then saw that their outside light turned on. I got back into bed and turned off my light. It was late and I had to get up early.
Sleep was fitful. I finally got some good sleep in the hours just before sunrise. I got out of bed when I heard knocking at the front door. By the time I got my robe on and downstairs, Mr. Purdy was unlocking the door to let my father and Jane in. I looked at the grandfather clock at the bottom of the stairs. It was going on 10:00 AM.
I got an immediate adrenalin rush. I had to hurry. The wedding was at eleven. I hadn't had breakfast, needed to shower, dress, and get to the studio.
My father took one look at me and shook his head. 'You're just getting up? You're going to be late.'
'Not if I can help it.' I responded.
I went back upstairs in a hurry, taking them two at a time. Jane yelled she'd have some breakfast ready when I came down.
I went through my morning routine in record time, got dressed and was back downstairs before 10:30. Jane had three eggs, toast, coffee, and orange juice waiting. I wolfed down breakfast and ran back upstairs to brush my teeth again. We were in our cars on the way to the studio in no time.
We got there with minutes to spare. There was clearly considerable relief that the groom had shown up. Ian's face looked troubled when I entered but he relaxed when he saw me. Edith looked like she didn't have a worry in the world.