I’m walking again. I have to every night. It’s my mission; my calling. I can’t explain it, can’t describe it, can’t deny it. Can’t deny it. I’m going to find someone tonight. I know it. I find someone every night.
Christy sat alone, at a table in the donut shop. The lights flickered above her, and a stray fly crawled in front of her coffee. She took a long sip, and hoped that she wouldn’t fall asleep at the wheel on the way home. Not that she cared if her life ended or not, but she wasn’t done with her work yet. She imagined the painting she was working on at Jamie’s apartment, or more appropriately, the painting she wanted to make.
The actual work wasn’t going very well. She brushed away strands of her deep red hair away from her nose, and finished the coffee, just as it grew chilly. So much work to do, and it comes out so badly. And what good will it do? Maybe she would win that fifty-dollar prize in the college’s literary magazine. Maybe her art professor would like it. Maybe she’d sell it to some random friend, or a total stranger. All of these things she thought, as she pushed her way out the doors, into the night. For only a second, she felt a twinge of butterflies in her stomach. She thought little of it.
I know it’s one AM. I don’t know how, but I do. I’m in front of some store. I don’t know how I got here. What state am I in? What country? America, I suppose, since everything is in English. And I’ve seen enough British coffee shops to know that this is not one. Canada? Nothing in French. Doesn’t matter. I know someone is here for me. And here she is, walking out. I catch her eyes for just a second.
She thought she saw a man standing on the side of the road, outside the parking lot, out of the corner of her eye. She could feel him, but when she looked over there was nothing. But she could feel a heat rising in her. Not heat from the weather; it was late autumn, and in the dead of night. But a heat none the less. She closed her eyes as she walked and surprised herself by imagining her boyfriend, three hundred miles away at home.
I know she doubts herself. She doesn’t know why she’s majoring in art history. She thinks her work is crap. I cannot judge that. I know she misses her boyfriend. She’s faithful to him. And I’m moved as I learn even more. She hasn’t had sex with him. He fears pregnancy. His parents would disown him if she had an abortion. So he’s being safe. And it’s eating at her. I see she’s torn by her faithfulness. She’s frustrated that she’s saving herself for him. And she’s frustrated that she’s had no opportunities to cheat. I see that she’s not popular with men.
She’s cold sometimes. She appreciates solitude. She does not need to party every night. She likes to work. She’s funny when you know her. And I look at her again, having learned all of these things with but a casual glance, and I find her beautiful. She has long red hair. Her nose is a bit pointed, but distinct. Her eyes are incredible, heavy with sleep but burning with intelligence. Steely glare. A few assorted pimples on her face. She’s wearing a long brown overcoat, and old sneakers. She is ideal to me. I love how she doesn’t really care, but beats herself up for it. I love her confusion. I love how she puts on no airs. She’s so beautiful, so beautiful. So flawed. So beautiful. She deserves so much more.
Christy was halfway to her car, and still thinking about her far away man. She hated how she couldn’t visit him on the weekends. Actually, if she wanted to she could, but she felt no urge to. She also hated how she had no art supplies at her dorm. Damn lack of cash. She stopped for a second. Thought she heard something.