Gender Reveal Party 01
So, hey there people, I'm Dawson, I'm 21, I'm fairly quiet and reserved, I'm more of a nerd than not a nerd and I alone can barely qualify as a worthy story, but I have a story because life is stranger than fiction. I am somewhat known as a tech guy and that brought a unique opportunity my way recently when a stranger than fiction request was asked of me by an old friend, Sadie Saunders. Sadie had asked me for my help in setting up a computer video call during her backyard gender reveal party and I agreed to do just that.
I mean, sure, these days, video calls are as commonplace as any meeting zoom call and the process is basically as easy as 1-2-3, but I saw it as a chance to show off my computer skills, mingle a bit with some girls, mingle a bit with some women, LOL, mingle a bit with some busy body women and snag a few free Saturday afternoon party longneck beers, so, yeah, I jumped all over that request and I went straight into Johnny Tech on the spot mode. Only my name is Dawson.
And it's okay if you're wondering just how this qualifies as a stranger than fiction story, but what I haven't mentioned yet is that it was a double gender reveal party and I don't mean that as Sadie was having twins. It was a combined gender reveal party, uh-huh. It was half for Sadie Sanders, who had the misfortune of hooking up with Swamp Muck a little while back and half for Franny Franklin, who also fell victim to Swamp Muck and his swamp rat charms just about the same time and if that doesn't catch your fiction reading eye, then my story is not for you anyways.
Oh, and to keep things on even more of the stranger side of life, the video call wasn't for relatives that live elsewhere and afar. It was for Swamp Muck, the dirty baby daddy, who dirty deeded the two girls with his devil seed. So, of course, the video call was between the Middleton Prison where Swamp Muck currently resides. But at least the prison allows the inmates a 10 minutes video call once a month, right?
Oh, so now, that's right, now you're wishing that you knew of this party and you attended it with me, right? I mean, who would not want to attend a Saturday afternoon party like that, am I right, folks? Two families, who don't really get along all that much in the first place, sharing a backyard party, low cut sundresses that might lift in breeze, beer, wine, sparkling fairy water for the preggo ladies, games, a huge spinning wheel filled with colorful pink or blue powder filled balloons, that needed to be popped, low cut party dresses just because creamy cleavage is worth mentioning again and free beer, the end.
Well, the huge spinning wheel of misfortune and doom had black and purple balloons fashioned in an occult pentagram star formation and the archer was to pop one balloon of each color with his flaming arrows to reveal the gender of each baby as the unsteady and wobbly, yet huge spinning wheel spun around. I mean, what could possibly go wrong, right?
Also, I don't have a lot of friends, so, I mean, if you would have asked to attend the devil baby reveal party, I mean, that would have been cool because...
"[Swoosh, twang-twang-twang goes a flaming practice arrow into the side of garage!] Opps, sorry, I'm just sighting in my new compound bow, folks, (chuckles) so, carry on."
Oh, as my disclaimer, I mean, I had absolutely no advance knowledge that Sadie's cousin, Blind Bat Matt, was going to try to burst a black gender reveal balloon (Sadie) and then a purple gender reveal balloon (Franny) from the large spinning wheel with his fire arrows. Or that the colorful powder filled balloons were going to be pinned to the large spinning wheel in a devil's occult pentagram fashion. I mean, just pop one with a pin, right? Nope. It had to be with a flaming arrow as shot by a guy with only one good eye. And his good eye pointed almost sideways!
[Gleeful yippy yappy sounds of an outdoor gender reveal party of mixed guests in background, even if the backyard seemed to be split in the middle with ribbons of black and purple crepe paper streamers]
Um, yep, the streamers of colored crepe paper were weird, but given how it was a combined gender reveal party between night and day families, I mean, it fit right in [swig, sip, swig, ahh].
Also, I don't mind admitting that since Sadie's mom, Mrs. Saunders, said that I could use her laptop as the viewing device for the video call from the party's side, I mean, as far as I was concerned, women keep photos of themselves and I could fake taking extra time to get the video call settings just right and use the extra time to, you know, to search around her laptop's folders a little bit. I mean, have you seen Mrs. Saunders? Even a simple nip slip photo would be quite the reveal in itself.
And I'll even admit to how I tricked Mrs. Franklin, Franny's mom, out of her phone for a while because I have that much nerve, you know, after a few swigs of beer. And for the record, her daughter, Franny, is a social media influencer, known as Fantastic (Goth) Franny, ahem, and a hottie and I tricked her mom into coughing up her phone as backup for Franny's podcast broadcast. Which, LOL, included a cool ass small tripod cell phone holder and a badass light ring. Sheesh. But cool as hell.
"[Swoosh, twang-twang-twang goes another flaming practice arrow into the neighbor's tree!] Opps, it's all a part of the sighting in process, folks, there's nothing to see here (chuckles), so, carry on."
Yeah, right! But luckily, the picnic table that I used to set up the laptop and Franny's influencing podcast setup was in the other direction. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I made a special place on the other end of the picnic table for Franny's broadcasting setup or podcasting setup or whatever influencers do because she almost demands special treatment. I mean, she kind of insisted on it and her low-rise hip hugger jeans were hard to argue with.
Anyways, holy sexy selfies photo folders jackpot! Mrs. Saunders had a treasure trove of photos stored on her laptop and they were all that and a longneck bottle of soda pop! Or for short, 40 something nude to semi-nude women are hot! But I didn't dare try to steal or download any of them since my mistake was all the gleeful party people mingling around me and I'm way too reserved to come up with a valid excuse for what I was doing if I were to get caught.
[Gleeful yippy yappy sounds of an outdoor gender reveal party of mixed guests in background, but ne busy body woman breaks away after spying Dawson spying at something on the laptop]
"[Wine sip, sip] ahem, hello Dawson, what's taking so long, hmm? I thought modern day video calls are as easy to set up as 1-2-3 these days and you seem to be emersed in something a little deeper right now since your eyes are cartoon bugging out [sip], so?"
"[Longneck swig] oh, Mrs. Palmer, Sadie's favorite auntie Paula and local Librarian, I mean [close photo, close photo, close photo, pause for one last glimpse, close photo], there's a signal connection issue and then a big airplane flew overhead and then the space station passed way overhead and then..."
Um, nosey busy body Mrs. Palmer, right? Our local Librarian and Historian, aka, Mrs. Hush Shush.
"Oh, hush shush with all that, Dawson, because young men of your age are very naughty, especially when mature women, like my sister, store naughty photographs of themselves on their laptop computers, mm-hmm! Anyways, just why don't I see much of you down at library then, especially on Tuesday nights when the lover's lane aisle, I mean, the 16th century history aisle is slow. You know, where I would be more than happy to hush shush you with my bare boobs, which as you can plainly see, have finally started to expand towards a man's dream size since I turned 44, so?"
I mean, I could handle catching up on my 16th century history once a week, right? I'm always open to new things.
"[Swig, sip] well then, Mrs. Palmer, I guess I should spend a little time catching up on my history lessons next week then, but shouldn't we start with the overly expressed cleavage periods that earlier centuries movies often highlight and depict, like all the time, so?"
"[Sip, sip] Dawson, why would you need or want illustrated super cleavage of a woman's bosom as foreplay when I promise to bring it in the flesh, hmm? Especially when I'm promising to bring the foreplay to you in the flesh and in a half cup support bra and a lowcut blouse Librarian blouse that you can rip right open, hmm? Unless you need to or want to catch up on when doing it doggie do, doggie did, sex became so popular around the turn of the 7th century, you know, according to the movies, so?"
Well then, folks, that was a quick trip through the history of sex because...
"[Sip, sip] anyways, Dawson, I'm looking forward to hush shushing with my fattening, yet under used boobs, for grunting so loudly as you seed me and seed me deep, Dawson, so, come see me soon and wipe out my last nine years of living as a sexless Librarian!"
"[Swoosh, twang-twang-twang goes yet another flaming practice arrow into the picnic table's seat!] Um, I almost have the aiming process down, folks, um, carry on."
That arrow was a little too close for comfort. And just why did Blind Bat Matt have to flame up his arrows for his practice sighting-in process shots anyways because...
[Gleeful yippy yappy sounds of an outdoor gender reveal party of mixed guests in background, including the swapping of one busy body Librarian for a business woman party guest]
"[Sip, sip] I mean, it's Dawson, right? Um, hi because..."
"[Swig, swig] oh, Franny's mom, Mrs. Franklin, um, it's nice to see you today, so, what's up?"
"[Sip, sip] oh, I mean, ahem, Dawson, I'm not trying to play favorites or anything, but I am a little bit concerned about my daughter's video call exposure today because that young woman needs her top billing on social media and all as a social media influencer and..."
"[Swig, swig] say no more, Mrs. Franklin, especially since I've secretly and quietly put your Franny on a pedestal since she began holding impromptu goth fashion shows back in school. And though I don't put a lot of credence in the term 'social media influencer', I do respect the large numbers of followers that they capture, so?"
"[Sip, sip] well, Dawson, ignoring how her mega milkers, which she got from me, are always right there in center frame, which I'm sure that draws in followers right there. Anyways, Dawson, I'm a supportive mother and I appreciate any and all extra support and exposure that you can provide to my Franny today because..."
"[Swig, swig] Mrs. Franklin, I'm going to need your cell phone, your unlocked cell phone, you know, as backup power source because of some reasons like there are airplanes flying in the skies today, so?"
"[Sip, sip] oh, I mean, Dawson, I mean, I have, um, er, I have, um, rather risqué photos of myself because my sex life is the same as being naughty with my camera phone and it doesn't even matter if I take..."
