I remember the first time I saw you. It was on TV. You were arguing a point and your arrogance took my breath away. You were playing Devil's Advocate even though I knew you meant every word you said. It seemed wrong somehow to be seen to support your thought process and yet I got it for what it was, pure logic. And a dash of "lab-accident-away-from-criminal-mastermind" thrown in. At the time, I was a little younger and had been reading one too many Mills & Boons. I was also a virgin so I didn't really understand that dark pull into your aura. You are the first person that made me believe in The Law of Attraction. I dreamed of you almost daily after that. Whimsical fairy tale like dreams. You and I dancing in azalea fields. Oh, the brazenness of youth. I fantasized about you for about six months before the cosmos once again decided to shower me with not only opportunity and access, but also courage and vanity.
My three girlfriends and I decided to play hooky from work one fine Monday morning. Dashing into a nearby bar, we ordered beers and started being little girls. We exchanged stories about workmates and family and slightly post-pubescent men. I miss being that reckless. Right now, I cannot remember the last time I ordered a beer at ten in the morning. Back to more innocent and optimistic times; in the midst of the girly chatter, your friend walked into the bar. We all knew him. He was another TV face. A rising star. He was also a world class whore. He made a beeline for our table as soon as he ordered his Redbull. I remember rolling my eyes and sharing a derisive giggle with one of the girls. Your friend, I am sorry to tell you, had (and still has) the "appeal of a pub loo at closing time". He was throwing darts left, right and centre.
While I ordered my third beer, it suddenly occurred to me that you two were friends. Damn, what were the odds?!
"So dude," I asked him directly, "where's your better half, Michael?"
He laughed, winked at one of my girls and then handed me his phone and told me to find you myself.
I did find you. Do you recall our first phone conversation? I sent you a text and told you how I got your number and that I'd like to talk sometime. That right there was opportunity and access. I naturally assumed you'd be intrigued. You were.
* * * * *
The first time we met, we had torrid sex. Because of your work schedule and my campus classes it was hard to meet. We kept up the lust by sending very very dirty texts and voicemails to each other. By the time I saw you, I was positively fluid in the bones. You are roughly 20 years my senior. I couldn't believe some of the things you told me! You could sound as dirty as my favourite video and as intense as Shaw. I do believe I was smitten.
You called me, asked me to skip class and come to your office. You had a gift for me. The previous night you had called me and told me about your trip to the UK. You were bored and needed something to pep you up. I skipped class and came to your office in the centre of town. After you had seen two people before me; and twenty minutes later than you had initially scheduled, your PA let me in. You met me at the door. I heard the lock click as I walked to the visitor's chair in front of huge dark wooden desk. I haven't changed since you first met me. Clothing wise I mean. As I often do now, I was wearing jeans, sneakers and a small tee. It was my favourite at the time; the pink one with pink panther drawn in blue that you like so much. Amazing, it still fits me. My phone was in my back pocket, money in the front and some ID in the back as well. No handbag, no make up, no posturing.
You sat opposite me in the other visitor's chair, the principal seat left empty. As an adult, I can read much into that but as the kid I was then, I was simply flustered. We chatted for a bit. You asked me about school and I vanished your vanity by telling you what a huge crush I had on you these last two years. Even then I was brutally honest when I should have been coy and alluring. I was gushing, never been taught guiles. Before I knew it, we were kissing. I didn't like our first kiss but I bent you my way. You followed my lead as I kissed you the way I wanted to be kissed.
You know you pretty much raped me, right?
