If you've read my other stories, you know that I'm separated from my husband of 20 years. It's been about 6 months now. We continued having sex for a while, but I had to put a stop to it. I left him because I wasn't in love with him, breaking his heart in the process. It wasn't fair to continue a sexual relationship when I have no intention of getting back together with him. No matter how fucking horny I am all the time.
I've never had to deal with lack of sex. From the time I lost my virginity to my husband, I never stopped. I never had to learn how to cope without. You don't realize how important sex is until you lose it. I went from having sex 2 or 3 times a week to nothing. And masturbation sucks. I've come to realize sex is a physical need. Just like food. I'm absolutely starving right now. Masturbating is like starving to death and finally finding food, only it's a moldy hot dog in the garbage, covered in maggots; but you eat it anyway because you have to survive. That's what masturbation is like for me. When I was getting sex regularly, masturbating was fun. Now it's just depressing. Sometimes I can't even get myself off.
So now I find myself, 41 years old, fat and alone. Actually, I'm not so fat anymore. But I still see myself that way. I've lost over a hundred pounds in the last 2 years and I still have about 40 more to go. I know, try not to picture it. This is a sex story meant to get you off, and that description is not helping. But this is also a story of my life and I can't tell it as a young, hot, blonde chick with big tits and a perfect body. That's not me. That's never going to be me. But I'm fine with that. I'm attractive enough to not worry about never finding someone again. I still have curves and probably always will. So put me in the BBW category. I'm 5'8", shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes with 38D tits.
Three weeks ago, I had sex with an old friend. He lives in Georgia and we'll never have a romantic relationship. We love each other, but only as friends. Hell, we grew up together. We were just helping each other out since neither of us had had sex in a while. It was great, but made me realize that sex makes you want more. No matter how good it is, it leaves you wanting more. It's not feasible to drive to Georgia every week to get my "fix". So now I'm exploring other options.
I've worked with Jason for over nine years now. He's a work friend. We never talk away from the job and never do anything together. But we have come to know each other pretty well. He has a girlfriend of 20 years. I've asked him many times why they aren't married. He always says that they don't want to mess it up with marriage. They love each other very much and that's enough for them. They don't have any children and are happy with the way things are.
Jason and I talk about everything. We started talking about sex stuff several years ago. I'm sure that I'm the one who brought it up. We've swapped porn sites and sex stories, but always kept our distance. I was married and he had a girlfriend he loved very much. There may have been a bit of a mutual attraction, but we never came near crossing any lines. At least any more lines than all the inappropriate sex talk we had been having. Jason had to stop having sex with his girlfriend about 6 or 7 years ago. She has a female medical problem that she can't get surgery on because she has a bad heart. So he's left with only masturbation. Even though she can't have sex, she doesn't help him out at all. It is upsetting to her, so he doesn't press the issue. Just deals with it himself. She's very uptight about sex. Doesn't like him masturbating and definitely doesn't want him cheating on her. But as I've said, he loves her very much, so he takes care of his needs himself.
Recently, since I've been separated, our sex talks have become more frequent. I've not only been talking about sex to Jason, I've pretty much brought it up with everyone at work. I'm so frustrated and I've been asking how everyone else deals with it. Most of them change the subject so I quit talking about it to anyone besides Jason. We're still very open about it. I am attracted to him; he's 5'10, 175lbs with salt and pepper hair. A little soft around the middle, but what 47 year old isn't? Naturally, I've been considering having sex with him.
Two weeks ago, on Wednesday, he was eating lunch. I was at my desk and we were the only ones in the office. This is usually how we spend our lunch breaks. We don't work with many others and are almost always alone during lunch on the days he doesn't have a delivery route. But I stay at my desk about 15 feet away instead of moving over to the table with him. Anyway, we were talking again about sex. What else?
I said, "Don't think I haven't thought about having sex with you."
"I've thought about you, too, Missy." Totally blew me away. Did I hear him correctly? I hadn't considered that response from him. I thought it was one-sided on my part. He went on, "I'm glad you said that. I've been thinking it for a long time. I couldn't say anything before. I was worried about work. You know; harassment and stuff."
"Harassment? Neither one of us is a supervisor over the other. I don't see that as an issue." In reality, I had looked it up in our handbook a few days before. I didn't want to say anything unless we could do something about it. I was hoping for sex at some point.
Just then, someone came into the office. My office is a big open space about 20'X40' which has 3 desks, a lunch table, fax machine, copier and other office accoutrement. One of our service guys came in to make copies and use a computer. So Jason and I had to put our talk on hold. But that didn't mean I stopped thinking about it. I was thrilled that he felt the same. Would this go somewhere? I knew he was just as frustrated as me. Had been dealing with it for much, much longer. We never got any more time alone that day. But we exchanged many looks. Every time I went out in the warehouse, I caught him staring at me.
The next morning we both got to work a little before 8 as usual. The other warehouse guy doesn't come in until 8:30 so we would have a half hour to ourselves. But we weren't alone long. One of the service guys came in so we couldn't talk. At lunch time, Jason came inside to eat. At first we just talked about normal stuff. Then almost as soon as we started to talk about sex, the other warehouse guy, Adam, came in. He asked Jason about when his girlfriend was leaving. It turns out that Jason's girlfriend was getting on a plane that very afternoon to go to visit family in Connecticut until Monday. This information made my heart do a little skip and a jump. He was going to be alone for the weekend? Holy shit! We might actually get a chance to have sex? When Adam went back to the warehouse, our driver came in. So we still couldn't talk.
Later that afternoon, as Jason was getting ready to leave, he came inside and stood looking out the window. He started talking about basically nothing. I said, "Are we really going to pretend that we didn't say that stuff yesterday?"
"Yes...I don't know," he says while shaking his head. He was worried. One more time, Adam came into the office. For no fucking reason at all except to interrupt us. Jason had to leave anyway, so he did.
Friday morning we got to work a little before 8 again. I had it all planned out. I was going to bring it up no matter what. But I didn't have to. The minute Jason walked in he looked at me and said, "I can't trust you. You'll tell someone. I can't lose this job."
"Me? I'll tell someone? Who would I tell?"
"Your sister. You'd tell Sarah and people would find out."
"No way. Why would I tell her? This is none of her business. I don't want her to know. I'm not looking for a relationship with you. I just want sex. I think we can help each other out."
"I'm worried. I can't lose my job. My lady."
"Jason, I'd never do anything to jeopardize any of that. As for the job, I looked it up before saying anything to you. There's no rule against it. Unless we do something inappropriate at work. But I don't want anyone to know."
"I don't either. Believe me. Ten years ago I'd be all over that!" he says as he looks at me. Really? He's looking at MY body and making that statement?
"I don't want anyone to know either. That's what makes you perfect. You're already in love with someone. I don't need anyone falling in love with me right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't need to get involved with someone. I just thought we could help each other out."
"Yeah, I know. It would be good. I'm not..,"
Right then one of the service guys walked in. Damn, we can't ever get any time alone. I walked up front, clocked in and started working. Later, Jason came in for lunch. Of course it was one of those rare days where there are people in and out all day. Jason did bring up the fact that he would be alone all weekend. I told him that he was just teasing me and not to talk about being alone for the weekend if he wasn't going to invite me over. Then someone came in again. It was frustrating as hell. We had so much to talk about and couldn't. I wanted to tell him to call me, but I didn't get the chance. Later, as I was on the way home, I texted him a message saying that I forgot to tell him I would be off on Monday and to have a nice weekend. I wasn't sure I had his correct phone number. It had been a long time since I'd had a reason to call him for work.
The weekend passed and I didn't hear from him. I went to my appointments and did my errands on Monday as planned. I went to work Tuesday morning as usual. He has a delivery route on Mondays and Tuesdays so I didn't see him until the afternoon. He told me he got my message and deleted my number. I told him that was fine. I wasn't trying to get him in trouble or anything. But that it wouldn't be weird for him to have my number. I have everyone else's number at work as well. I've also called almost everyone at one time or another over a work related issue. But I assured him that it was fine. He left for the day and I felt shortchanged yet again. Same thing on Wednesday. Again. We didn't get a chance to talk because someone was always around. I was taking another personal day on Thursday to spend most of it at the dentist with my kids. I sent him a text message that afternoon. This time I asked him to please call me after work on Thursday so we can talk.
"Hey Missy."
"Hey, Jason. Thanks for calling. Where are you?"
"On the turnpike, on my way home."
"Oh. I wanted to meet so we can talk."
"You mean in person?"
"Yeah. I just want to talk. In the parking lot of Walmart or something on your way home."
"Well, if we're going to meet, we'd have to arrange that in advance. My lady..."
"I know. Okay. It's alright I just had some stuff to say. We always get interrupted at work and we never get to say everything. I want you to know what I'm thinking. I'm not looking to screw up our lives or anything. We can't get fired over this unless we actually do something at work while we're on the clock. I don't want to mess up your life. I know you have a girlfriend. I'm happy about that. I don't want a relationship like that with you. I just thought we could help each other out. You know how much I miss sex. I know you miss it, too. That's all."
"I know Missy. You're right. I do miss it. I'm just worried. I don't want to lose our friendship."
"I don't want to lose our friendship, either. I think we can have both."
