Does nervousness always heighten the sense of anticipation and excitement when you first meet somebody? If that is the case then I always want to be nervous when I meet him.
Standing there waiting for him at the Railway Station, my bag on the ground, and I also a complete bag of nerves, oh typical vanity I know... is my hair OK, my clothes, make up... too much? Not enough? The list went on. Damn my super punctuality, I'm always early and always the one who feels as if everyone else is running late. The self-recriminations kept me quite occupied up until I felt a hand tap me on my shoulder.
Turning, shocked at the intrusion of my personal space, I was ready to have a go at the person brazen enough to dare touch me! My eyes fell on his face so familiar yet not quite, where I expected it, he seemed to tower over me, what a fool I must have looked with my jaw hitting the ground just staring at him. That soft gentle smile spread over his face and I felt myself relax, smiling back at him I instinctively moved forward, wrapped my arms round his waist, and hugged him ever so tight, I moved in closer as his arms covered me and enfolded around me.
Pulling away, I laughed and just grinned at him, blushing, and fumbling for words in a situation ever so new to me.
"Hello" I said at last and we both laughed. Leaning forward he placed a gentle kiss on my lips and I knew he understood what I was going through inside.
I had first "met" him in a chat room that we both used, for a good while we were just people who both enjoyed a laugh and of course, the occasional flirt. I knew he was off limits though because he had a partner (lucky bitch) but that did not stop me chatting to him and enjoying his company. Why not? After all, he was charming, witty, and ever so caring in many ways. I felt a lurch in my tummy whenever I saw his name appear in the room. Oh, I felt stupid; all this internet romance stuff...well we all knew it was a bunch of malarkey. However, try as I might I found myself more and more attracted to him. One look at his photo and I was smitten, the rest they say is history...months passed, he went "missing" from chat for a while and a sort of heaviness came over me when he didn't appear at his usual times. I resigned myself to the fact that he had moved on from chat to real time with his cyber partner.
That was not the case, he turned up again, well he was "single", and I leapt at the chance to get to know him better. That of course led me up and down the rocky road to where I was standing at the station waiting for him, and then in his arms.
Taking my hand we walked off, he led me to a quiet little café and sat in there chatting and laughing about everything. Although in many ways strangers, we melded and the time flew, we had lunch and many coffees, oblivious to the world passing by.
We had arranged to meet halfway between the distance of out hometowns, and I was pleased with the place we chose. Walking from the short distance from the café to our hotel we continued to revel in our past, in our expectations and dreams about this moment, the laughter was much and I felt the rosy glow wrap around me that I had always felt when I heard his voice down the phone line. I wonder now if people seeing me walking with him, would have known how ecstatic I was at that moment, that this man I had spent so many intimate sexual encounters with already was actually to all terms of social norms a completely new acquaintance.
We had agreed to book separate rooms. Realists at heart we knew that what was an almost perfect union online could be a complete failure when we actually met face to face.
Having booked in and received our keys from the receptionist, we walked up the stairs to our rooms. Standing at the door of my room, I shifted nervously, placing my overnight bag on the floor, he turned to me his face full of questions.
"Would you like to come in for a coffee?" I looked at the floor as I spoke, feeling almost shameful that I really just couldn't put up with being apart from him for longer than I had to.
"Sure, I'll just drop my bag off in my room, I'd also like a quick shower and then I'll be right back to you" His smile was comforting; he showed neither shock nor distaste that I had invited him to my room.
Picking my bag back up, I opened the door and walked in, closing it quickly I leaned back against the cool of the solid wood, suddenly I was yet again a bag of nerves...shower...yes, good idea. Quickly unpacking so that my clothes wouldn't crease, I grabbed my toiletries and ran into the bathroom. Before long I was in the streams of the hot shower, I even used the silly shower cap the Hotel provided. My nerves seemed to wash away with the fragrant shower gel; I rested against the tiles and let the water relax me. I must have stayed there for longer than I had thought because I was brought back from my thoughts by a knock on the door.
"Be right there," I yelled, stepping from the shower, turning it off as I grabbed the soft towelling robe hanging on the door. Walking to the door, I threw off the shower cap onto a nightstand and then opened the door slightly. As soon as I opened the door, I blushed to see him standing there. His hair was still damp from the shower, but he looked refreshed. He had changed into a pair of jeans and a casual sports top, he smelled delectable.
"Are you going to let me in then?" He laughed and walked into the room.
"I'm...I'm not dressed yet" I stammered.
"And that is supposed to bother me?" Again, he laughed; I began to blush thinking of our times on the web cam. Oh, God I knew just knew all along that I would regret the things he and I had done in those months leading up to our meeting. The things we had done to gap the distance, to relieve the strain of our attraction.
He face came over serious, his face although smiling so softly had a look of sternness I backed off, suddenly a bit wary. What the fuck was I doing here, what a fool, I hadn't even let anyone know where I was going what I was doing...had I been caught up in a web of deceit? My back up against the door, I stood there paralysed with a sense of unknowing.