What was I doing?
I had no business being with her. She was just as married as I was, had just as many kids as I did. She loved her husband as much as I loved my wife. Our lives were stable, rational, normal.
So why on God's green Earth were we naked in the middle of the floor, our bodies entwined?
---
Susan and I had been friends since we were teenagers. Sure, I guess I had a crush on her then, but we had grown to be good friends. We talked on the phone regularly, but saw each other infrequently these days. Life caught up to us.
Each week, we'd chat over the phone of the familiar: work, friends, families, etc... Nothing unusual for two friends. Except, somehow, this week turned out like no other.
On Tuesday, we had agreed to meet up for dinner. A rare occurrence for us, since our lives kept us both so busy. I chose the place, and she chose the time. We both showed up, and dinner got underway.
As we chatted, I could tell something was nagging her. The way she knifed her chicken as if it had personally offended her; the extra glass of wine after pounding down the first; the extra twang in her voice each time she mentioned her husband.
"Sue, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she replied. "Nothing at all. Why do you ask?"
"Come on." I had seen this avoidance before. "You've practically mutilated your dinner ever since you've started talking about Dave. What's going on?"
She paused for a moment, debating whether or not to start. "He drives me nuts."
"That's nothing new." Dave knew how to push Susan's buttons. Leaving cabinets open in the kitchen. Not replacing the garbage bag after taking it out. The mundane things that makes married life so... annoying.
"The man can't follow simple directions." She brutalized another piece of her dinner. "Today, I had to actually write down when to feed the kids. It's not like it's a random time or anything. They have dinner at 5:00 every night! He knows this, because he helps feed them every night! You'd think that after 5 years of the same routine, he'd have something down by now."
Ah. I knew exactly how she felt. Lisa, my own wife, was well known between us for not doing the simple things around the house. It's not like I wanted her to be all June Cleaver, but if you're on the way past the garbage can, and you have a empty soda can, you'd think to throw it away instead of putting it on the counter next to the garbage can! Married life isn't exactly the way it looked when we attended each other's weddings.
"For chrissake," she continued, "I shouldn't have to do everything! Look at you. You're a guy who can keep things straight. We have plans, we each do our part, plans work out! It's simple!"
She was starting to get worked up, and judging by what was left of her plate, there wasn't much more she was going to handle.
"Hey," I offered. "I got an idea. Let's get out of here and walk it off."
She agreed. I took care of the bill while she polished off her glass of wine. She took my arm, and out the door we strolled.
The night air was refreshing and cool. There was no way I was going to let her drive, so I hoped it was going to sober her up a bit before she went home. We walked down the block in silence, just enjoying each other's company.
"Jack," she started.
"Yeah?"
"How do you do it?"
Uh oh... here we go again.
"How do you make it work between you and Lisa? Dave drives me so nuts that I'm not sure why we ever got married in the first place."
"So get a divorce." This was an old conversation. She would leave him about as fast as she would leave her purse in her car.
"I can't," she whined. "I won't."
"Do you still love him?"
"Yeah. I think I do."
"You think you do." This was a little twist in the usual conversation.
"Well, I still love him, but I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life doing this."
"A little late now for that, wouldn't you say?"
"C'mon, Jack. We're 32 years old. What did we know when we got married? Did you really think you had it all planned out with Lisa?"
Come to think of it, I kinda had. I had always assumed that we'd get our house, which we did, we'd have our kids, which we had, and we'd continue to be married until we died. I'd never really thought about how that last part really worked.
"Well, didn't you and Dave have your plan?"
"Yes," she mused, "we did. And everything's gone according to plan. Except the part where he drives me fucking crazy each and every day."
"Well, you'll get through it. He's done this before, and he'll do it again. Get used to it."
"I know, I know. But what if things were different?"
"How so?"
"You know," she paused. "Between us." We stopped. I was significantly taller than Susan, and she looked up into my face with her deep brown eyes. "Haven't you ever thought about us?"
Of course I had. How could I not. As a guy with a woman as a best friend, how could I not think about it?
"Come on," I started, "You know where this is headed. We tried this once before and it didn't work. You know it, and I know it."
"That was 15 years ago! I think we've both learned a lot since then."
She turned around and started walking back toward the car. I followed with a renewed sense of interest. We walked in silence until we got back to to the parking lot.
I opened the door to her SUV and she climbed behind the wheel.
