For the Love of an Aggressive Woman

"She's just too...I don't know. I like a lady to be a lady," Tim told me, holding his beer bottle with the fingertips of both hands and turning it slowly on the table in front of us. "She swears like she's in a Tarantino movie. And she's kind of..."

He bugged his eyes and showed his teeth.

"Aggressive?" I asked. "What wrong with being with a woman who wants to tear your clothes off?"

"See? That's what I mean. She's perfect for you."

Tim was a great guy, a football buddy and someone who would never hesitate to buy a round when I was a little short. He'd given up on trying to get me to attend his church and probably prayed for my heathen soul every Sunday. He was also tired of being single and had signed up for Match and ChristianMingle in the attempt to find his perfect mate. LaraLynn wasn't it.

He liked her, he said, she just wasn't feminine enough for his Teaparty taste. And since he was a good Christian, Tim felt obligated to introduce her to his one single friend.

That would be me.

So we sat in the bar, nursing our drinks, waiting for what I suspected would be a very scary woman to join us.

I hate fix ups. I hate blind dates. And I fucking hated taking Tim's cast offs because he felt bad about rejecting them.

I sat where I could see the door. The bar was one of our favorite watering holes, nothing chic or swank about it. Urban professionals didn't come here for appletinis and there were no booming, bass-driven, melody-challenged dance tunes for the club-hopping crowd. It was a casual place where everybody knew your name. So she immediately seemed out of place.

Tall, tan, blonde, shapely in the right places wearing a lavender silk blouse and modest black skirt, she stopped at the door and looked around.

"That CAN'T be her," I said.

Tim turned, caught her eye and waved her over.

"Fuck," I managed before she got to us. "And I didn't get you anything."

Tim introduced us and I stood as I shook her hand. She had a firm, businesslike grip and a gorgeous smile. She settled in next to Tim and asked a passing waitress to bring her a Conona with lime. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "Just got out of court."

Tim had mentioned she was a lawyer.

"Murder trial?" I asked.

"Divorce," she said.

"Same difference," I told her.

She laughed. "Especially when I'm around," she said.

"I have a voodoo doll at home with several pins stuck in it. He doesn't look like you though."

"Too bad." She winked. "Been awhile since anything's been stuck in me."

Tim gave me a look. "See?" it seemed to say.

"I find that very hard to believe," I said, wanting to continue this line of conversation.

"Aren't you sweet?" She took her beer from the waitress, squeezed the lime wedge into the neck and pushed the peel into the bottle. "Work has been a bitch lately. I mean, I love my work and I love the money, but Jesus Fucking Christ."

Tim winced.

She wiggled expensively manicured fingers at me. "I mean, I've been thinking about cutting these off just so I don't injure myself when I cum."

Tim was clearly uncomfortable. I was laughing out loud. LaraLynn touched Tim on the arm. "I'm sorry, Sweetie, am I making you shrivel in embarrassment again?"

"No," Tim said. "I'm fine. Or I will be when I get back."

LaraLynn stood as Tim slipped out of the booth. She touched his shoulder as he walked off toward the bathroom, then slid back in across from me. "He's so sweet," she said. "Fortunately, he realized it wouldn't work out fairly quickly. It's my fault. I go to eleven."

I had my beer almost to my mouth when I stopped and my jaw dropped.

"What?" she asked.

"You're smart, funny, gorgeous AND you like Spinal Tap?"

She leaned across the table. "I LOVE Spinal Tap," she whispered.

"What else do I need to know about you before I break the Bro Code and ask you out?"

LaraLynn smiled and pulled her iPhone from her purse. She pulled back a rubberized case protector and slid a business card from between the sleeve and the phone. She placed the card on the table in front of me.

"Three important things," she said, tapping her name on the card. "It's not Lara. Do not think of calling me Lara."

"Ok," I said.

"It's also not Lynn. Do not think of calling me Lynn."

"No Lara. No Lynn. LaraLynn. Gotchya. And Number Three?"

"Don't even think of not calling me."

"Calling you?" I said. "I was hoping to just nudge you in the morning."

LaraLynn smiled. "He warned me you were a bad boy."

"Bad boy?"

"I think he said 'lost soul.'"

"That sounds more like our Tim."

"So you're a total heathen?"

"Not at all," I took a pull on my beer and swallowed while she waited for me to elaborate. "I'm a Dudest. In fact, I'm an ordained Dudest Priest."

She spit a little beer when she laughed and grabbed a napkin to cover her mouth. "Nobody fucks with the Jesus," she said.

My jaw dropped yet again. "Holy shit," I said. "I'm in love."

"I've seen that movie so much, I've got it memorized." She leaned in and her voice dropped. "'I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead.'"

"'Wooo!" I said, leaning in until my lips were inches from hers. "'You got a date Wednesday, baby!'"

We hadn't heard Tim return. "What have I walked in on?" he asked. LaraLynn leaned back and laughed as Tim settled into the booth. I couldn't tell how much of his disgust was an act and how much was real.

"I like your friend," LaraLynn said.

"I am exceedingly talented at picking women," Tim said, lifting his bottle in a mock toast, "for other people."

We had a couple more beers, LaraLynn and I dominating the conversation while Tim watched the local news on the bar TV. LaraLynn was placing her hand on top of mine as we talked. By the end of the second beer, LaraLynn slid in beside me on my side of the booth, ostensibly to show me a picture on her iPhone. She stayed on my side after the phone was put away, her hand on my thigh. Tim excused himself just before we switched to coffee (a buzz is fun for breaking the ice, but not for driving later). LaraLynn reached up and pulled his face to hers, kissing his cheek. "Thank you, Sweetie."

"Just don't break him," Tim said, looking directly at me. "He's out of warranty."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence after Tim left. It was like shit got real. Then LaraLynn leaned toward me, putting a hand on my beard. My lips met hers for a slow, probing, getting-to-know you kiss.

"Fuck," she said. "I've wanted to do that for the past hour."

"Thank God the chaperone left."

She smiled. "Get me another coffee. Be right back."

LaraLynn stood and moved her shapely bottom toward the ladies' room. I was glad I went earlier. Her kiss had left me unable to slide out of the booth without exposing my interest.

When our waitress came around, I asked her for two more cups of coffee and the tab. She was filling our cups when LaraLynn returned.

She sat, she slipped her hand into the pocket of my sportcoat. "It's true," I exclaimed. "You lawyers are all pickpockets."

LaraLynn laughed. "I was making a deposit, not a withdrawal."

"It's ok," I told her, slipping my hand in my pocket to return her money. "I've got the..."

But it wasn't money she had slipped in my pocket. It had lace edges and a silky patch that was decidedly damp.

LaraLynn didn't say a word. She cradled her chin in the palm of her hand, her elbow on the table, leaning toward me. I kissed her again and felt her hand cover the erection straining against my slacks. She moaned into my mouth. As we broke the kiss, she whispered, "This just keeps getting better and better."

The waitress was a little embarrassed when she brought my credit card back. I signed it, giving her a healthy tip to compensate for her reddened cheeks. LaraLynn's hand was still under the table.

"Now what?" she asked.

"You want to follow me or should I follow you?"

"Neither," she said and for a second my heart fell. "I'll come back for my car later."

"Well then," I nodded my head toward her hand in my lap, "could you adjust me for walking?"

LaraLynn laughed and withdrew her hand. "I'll be good 'til you finish your coffee."

My erection subsided enough that I could get through the dark bar unnoticed, LaraLynn getting all the attention by walking in front of me. I opened the car door for her and she spoke a melodic, "Awwww," as if chivalry was some cute notion. She slid in slowly, parting her legs strategically, her eyes on mine.

I fought to maintain eye contact but the eroticism occurring at the periphery of my vision was too compelling. I shifted my gaze just in time to discover she was not a real blonde. The thin landing strip was beautifully groomed but decidedly darker than her hair. When my eyes finally went back to her face, she was wearing a wicked smirk at having caught me being a man.

"Sorry," I offered.

"Hope not," she said.

I rushed over to my side of the car and slid into the driver's seat.

"Buckle up," I told her.

LaraLynn was shifted slightly in her seat, facing me. As I watched, she unbuttoned the silk blouse all the way down to where it disappeared into the black skirt. She tugged at the collar slightly, revealing a lacy white bra that cupped her spectacular breasts, creating an enticing cleavage that I dearly wanted to explore right then. Her hair color might have been artificial but there was nothing synthetic in that bra.

She leaned across and kissed me again, passionately. Her hands were working my belt, clasp and zipper. When they were open, she pulled my hard cock free of my boxers and started stroking it slowly. "Home James," she said.

"Are you sure this is legal?"

"Relax," she whispered, "You've got a fucking awesome lawyer." And with that, she lowered her head to my lap and began slowly licking the length of my hard dick.

I started the car and tried my best to concentrate on my driving. Something about doing that made what was going on in my lap even more mind boggling.

She slowly laved the head with her tongue. I could feel her circling and circling until I thought I'd go crazy. She moaned and used the tip of her tongue to penetrate the slit, then she opened her mouth and sucked the head inside. I could feel her tongue on the shaft, tracing the veins. She took as much of me as she could get in our seated position with my cock poking proudly out of my pants and started bobbing up and down while applying consistent pressure with her mouth.

This woman could suck cock.

I reached under her to massage her breast through the silk blouse. That made my cock throb in her mouth and she moaned happily. I tried to slip my hand into her bra but there was too much going on in that front seat already. I didn't want to wreck the car.

LaraLynn's mouth was amazing. I've got pretty good control but she took me to the brink several times without letting me spill. And she seemed tireless. When she needed a break to catch her breath, she'd rub the slick head against her cheek and neck. She licked her hand and gripped me, stroking deep into the parts she couldn't reach with her mouth because of my slacks. The drive to my house was mostly highway and pretty dark. I could see her blonde hair in my lap, the curve of her thigh in the passenger seat. I reached over and let my fingers trace over her bottom -- still covered by the skirt but just barely. I couldn't wait to rid her of it and give her a long, slow reciprocation for the drive home. But I knew if I dwelled too long on it, I'd be filling her throat (or not -- I still wasn't sure at that point how she felt about getting a mouthful) and cumming before I had the chance to feel her naked under me wasn't in my plans.

I don't know how I made it home with my "gun" still loaded but I did. I piloted the car into the garage, turned it off and pulled LaraLynn off my cock, licking my precum from her lips and tongue as the garage door slid shut behind us. I wanted to rip off her clothes and fuck her bent over the hood of the car but the clothes looked expensive and I didn't have a condom in the car.

She got out of her side and rushed around to grab my outstretched hand. I was going to lead her into the house as quickly as possible.

But LaraLynn had other ideas. She dropped to her knees in front of me, pulling my open slacks and boxers down at the same time. Then she took me all the way into her mouth, her hands on my naked ass, pulling me deeper and deeper. Her hands were making rhythmic tugs on my butt cheeks and I got the impression she wanted me to fuck her mouth. I started moving. She urged me on faster. God, she was amazing!

I watched LaraLynn's blonde hair bounce as she took my cock down that hot throat. She wanted me to cum. I almost gave her what she wanted. But my blood was too hot.

Fuck the condom. I grabbed a handful of blonde hair and pulled LaraLynn off my cock, almost dragging her to my weight bench. I took her wrists and pushed her hands to the weight bar on the rack over the bench, then I roughly pulled that skirt up, exposing a beautiful ass.

I spanked her bottom, making her gasp, and slipped my middle finger between her legs.

She was drenched.

Positioning myself behind her, I grabbed her hair and pulled back as I shoved my cock balls deep in her dripping pussy. "Oh fuck," she yelled and it echoed off the bare walls of the garage.

As I was pounding into LaraLynn from behind, I was pulling the silk blouse from her skirt. She offered me one arm at a time as I pulled it off her and hung it over the bar. Then I unclasped the bra and as it dropped away, I replaced the lacy cups with my hands, caressing those gorgeous soft breasts and feeling her nipples hard against my palms.

She was crying out a lot now, sometimes words, sometimes animal sounds, as she pounded and ground her ass against my pelvis. I let go of one breast and slapped her bare bottom again. It cracked through the garage as she screamed, "Fukkkk!"

I put my free hand under her and strummed her clit as I fucked her. Her hands were on the bench now, her ass higher than her head. She was pushing back. Giving as good as she was getting. I wasn't going to last much longer.

What happened next made me glad we had skipped the condom. I could actually feel the pressure increase on my cock as she approached climax. She was gripping me --breathless, wordless -- and then I felt the warmth on my thighs as she sprayed into her orgasm.

It was too much for me.

I grabbed LaraLynn's hips and made one last thrust before holding her tight against me and spurting deep into her slick cunt.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," LaraLynn repeated, her cheek pressed into the black padded upholstery of the workout bench. Her pussy still held a deathgrip on my deflating cock. When she finally squeezed me out, a large dollop of cum dropped out with me.

She stood and turned and kissed me, both of her hands on my face while mine naturally settled on her naked bottom. I've never enjoyed a woman's tongue in my mouth more than LaraLynn's.

"Now that's what I call a fuck," she said.

"We'll never top that," I told her.

She smiled. "Let's try," she said.

So we did.