Flying Solo 1

Chapter 1 - Making Love vs. Fucking

===================================

Over the years many sanctimonious people have criticized me for my use of the phrase "fucking". OK, so maybe I DO overuse it sometimes but in my defense it's just easier to use then something like "having sex" or other euphemisms. The way I use it I don't see it as a curse word but rather just a description of an action.

Perhaps the quickest way for me to define "making love", at least how it would appear if I was editing the dictionary, is to say there's only one person in the world who has or ever will make love to me - my husband. My love Steve is so much different from that I have for any other man (or woman for that matter). Steve's my husband, my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, my inspiration and most of all - the father of my children. I can't even imagine what my life would be like without him. Because of that, the term "making love" means something special to me. Yet even when it comes to me and Steve it's not like every time we do it I consider it making love. Heck, there are lots of times one or both of us gets really horny and we just have sex for the simple fun of it. In situations like that we're simply addressing our physical needs, more so than an act of love between a husband and wife. The times we DO make love are special and only happen when we are alone - no kids, no relatives, nobody else.

That said... EVERYONE else just fucks me and that includes my father. As I've also said, he's my father, not my lover!

All this is not to imply anything bad or to demean having sex with someone besides my husband - actually I'd say quite to the contrary. There are many "levels" you could say when it comes to fucking. For instance, at the top of the list would be when my dad fucks me which is not anywhere the same as when I'm doing it with some guy whose name I don't even know. However I've no desire to complicate things by devising some sort of ranking for me being fucked based on who, when and where I have sex so I just resort to using the catch-all phrase "fucking". Hey, it works for me!

Another way of differentiating between the terms "fucking" and "making love" would be to compare how they would apply to a marriage more "conventional" than ours. My guess (and hope) would be that the typical wife would agree with what I with regards to "making love" with her spouse be that male or female. However, my suspicion is that she wouldn't look upon "fucking" the same as me because her relationship with her husband is probably a lot different than mine. Without the deep trust and self-confidence my husband and I share, I'm sure that if her husband fucked someone that she would call it an act of adultery and lead to a few issues with their marriage, to say the least.

Such a wife would more than likely be surprised to know that I also abhor adultery and that I've warned my husband he would be neutered in his sleep without anesthetic if he ever committed such an act. Then again, I'll admit that my definition of adultery is a little more flexible than for most wives. In short, I believe adultery is the act of sex with someone besides your spouse without their permission. Another way of saying it would be that adultery is "cheating". Adultery is being dishonest with your spouse, hiding something from them that should never be hidden. Even so it doesn't necessarily mean that Steve has to tell me every time he has a little fun with someone else, just that he never deliberately hides it from me or lying about it. He knows that he has my blanket permission to have sex with anyone he wants so long as if I ever ask about it that he tells me. Personally, it doesn't turn me all that much on to listen about his little adventures or whatever he calls them. It's not that I'm jealous or anything, it just doesn't get me off.

The same goes with me. While I tell Steve about the vast majority of my extracurricular sexual activities, I don't feel compelled to "confess" the next time I see him. Usually I DO tell him simply because I know he gets off from hearing about it! So I suppose while I tell him most everything, typically if it doesn't impact me in some way then Steve's more than welcome to just keep it to himself. That's particularly true when it comes to having sex with my dad - something he'd rather practice "don't ask - don't tell".

Now that I'm in my thirties with two beautiful daughters, I find my needs and desires slowly changing. Actually, I'd rather say they're "evolving" more so than something I feel needs to be altered. For most of my life I've enjoyed striking out on my own like a cat on the prowl, seeing the reaction of men and just enjoying myself for the evening or afternoon, sometimes with multiple men. Older men - preferably the "happily" married ones are now my favorites. It's even better if they have a teen daughter or two. It's such a boost to my ego and self-worth knowing such men want me so bad they do something they've dared do before!

Nowadays I find I'm more and more into intimacy which mean more one-to-one relationships. I'm much more satisfied these days after spending the night with someone than just a few hours of wild sex. The fact that he has a wife at home clueless about what he's doing turns me on something fierce! Knowing he wants me more than her, even though it's just for one night, makes me feel so sexy and desirable. Fulfilling his fantasies about his daughter can be such a turn-on, especially knowing when he goes home he'll more than likely be looking at her with even more lust than ever before. If nothing else he'll always remember what he did with me! It's like I've been tattooed into his brain. He'll never make love to his wife or hold his daughter close again without memories of me intruding.

Because of my personal "evolution", I find that most of my sexual dalliances outside our marriage (as in non-incestual sex) now tend to be swapping with other married couple. True, it takes away the "cheating" aspect I find so erotic but then it's a whole lot easier to find a couple that wants to swap than a husband who wants to cheat for the first time. Any man who has been married that long hasn't cheated for a reason, even if he WANTS to do it. All of which just makes it all the more fulfilling for me when he does with me!

There's a HUGE difference for me between being fucked by husbands who cheat regularly on their wives and the first timers. I know this may sound strange at first but bear with me... I despise men who commit adultery, especially the ones who do it serially. In my eyes marriage is a solemn commitment and he took an oath before God and his family which makes such a violation wrong on many levels. Thus other than his first time, where's the joy and thrill of being fucked by such a bastard? Keep in mind I'm referring to the ones who hide it from their wife. As I said, while it's still wrong and a sin, I don't hold the "first timer" in such contempt. Let's be real... typically it's not all his fault. Shouldn't his wife have to share some of the blame if she's not satisfying his needs? I mean like if she was then he wouldn't have been seriously thinking about it fucking me in the first place. Also, I'll admit I often have to bear a smidgeon responsibility as the average married guy I fuck doesn't usually come on to me first. It's like almost always I'm the one who has to pursue him. True, that's usually only when I see some sort of signal he might be interested but in most cases I doubt that if I hadn't made the effort then nothing would have happened. Doesn't every man fantasize? It's getting them to cross the line from fantasy world to the real world that's the problem.

As much as I get grief from it, I have maintained a personal policy that I don't do it again with a husband who has cheated just once with me. Maybe it's a bit to assuage my guilt but I have no desire to ever hurt someone's marriage or become someone's mistress. Rather I like to believe that in most cases allowing him the opportunity to cheat with me HELPS their marriage by allowing him to release those pent up needs and live out the fantasies he's been masturbating about. OK, so maybe for the rest of their marriage he thinks a little about me every time he makes love to his wife, but at least she's still his wife! If anything, if she ever found out she should thank me for the great sex after I did it with him. I know... fat chance of THAT ever happening but I can dream!

Thanks to writings such as this one, I get letters from all sorts of guys who claim to fit my desired "profile" - married, never cheated, teenage daughter. Most of these I take with a grain of salt as I figure they're just saying what they think will get my attention, maybe even convince me to send them a nude of me or two and have some free phone sex. If that's the case they're doomed to be disappointed but still it can be a little entertaining to go along with them for a while although it gets boring pretty quickly. I say that because if they're lying then they quickly use up the fake photos stolen from somebody's Facebook page or run out of excuses as to why they won't rummage through their daughter's underwear and cum on it. Amazingly though, every now and then I get a real guy which can lead to a long-term "relationship" where I share more than usual. Still, it's all just fun and games as I would never consider getting more intimate with anyone on-line, certainly not to where I would share personal information or even cam with them or talk on the phone.

Meeting real guys though is different from chatting on-line of course yet in some ways not so much. For example, I NEVER share my real name or any information with a guy that I don't need to share, even after he's fucked me (or should I say, especially after he's fucked me). In some cases it's unavoidable because we met in church and he's known me maybe for years. It's when I'm with someone I've never met before that my obsession for secrecy comes in full throttle. I'd NEVER consider meeting a stranger at my apartment or even let them see my car (license plate!) or share a photo showing something that could link me to my "real" life. At the same time it can be quite interesting when I've known the guy previously and then see him again later knowing what we've done - especially if his virtuous wife or adoring family is with him. Greeting his clueless wife shortly after he's fucked me, knowing she has no idea I'm carrying his adulterous sperm within me, is incredibly erotic!

Chapter 2 - Developing the Need

===============================

It had been months now since I'd been out on my own with anyone. It's not like it was something I made a conscious decision about, it just happened. Then one night I was masturbating in bed while Steve was at work and started daydreaming about various men I'd met recently or knew from the past that had flirted with me or I'd caught staring at me when I wasn't looking. Om my God I was so dang wet! It's such a turn-on to be viewed by men in such a way, especially now that I'm not exactly sixteen anymore. Even so, people tell me all the time I don't look like I'm even 21, let alone 31. Hey, I'll take it!

As I played with myself I smiled as I felt something I hadn't in years - my pubic hair. I've been shaving more or less regularly for ages now but times change and the trends now seem to be more towards the hairy look. Not full-on bushes like my mom and Aunt Linda still maintain, but well-trimmed and tasteful. It feels a little funny now when Steve eats me out with feel my growing pussy hair rubbing on his face but thankfully he seems plenty happy with my new appearance. Then there's the advantage of not having to shave myself smooth. Trimming is still essential but not nearly as much a pain - sometimes literally.

Rubbing my wet sensitive clit, I sighed as my bare legs tingled with the pleasure that emanated from my crotch and progressed down through them. With my free hand I cradled my breast, gently squeezing it as I pressed my finger just inside of my pussy, stimulating the thousands of nerve endings that hid there. God how I love to masturbate!

Hearing a noise from the hall, I looked over expecting to see my darling little Mia peeking in to watch her mommy. I shooed her away and then turning my head back, I closed my eyes and let my imagination wander...

One of my more recent masturbation subjects has been a new teacher at school. Yeah, it seems that I've been fantasizing about him a LOT in recent weeks even though he doesn't meet any of my so-called criteria. In fact, he actually should be on my "do not touch" list. Being single and mid-twenties alone should've been enough to disqualify him but being a teacher - and especially one that I worked with, should have made it an automatic decision. One thing I've NEVER done, at least by choice, was to have sex with one of my student or a fellow teacher. Yes, I'm sure folks who read my diary will point out that while teaching at a small Christian private school I'd been involved with the head administrator but that was a totally different situation - I certainly hadn't pursued him!

Shannon was his name... HOT was his game. Mmmmmmm, talk about your eligible bachelor! I was guessing he came in at just over six feet tall with the athletic build of an ex-quarterback. In fact, rumor was that he HAD played the position in high school. With a full head of thick blonde hair and blue eyes that made my knees feel week... oh yeah, he was perfect. There weren't all that many men teaching middle school and with the way girls are now falsely accusing innocent men of sexual intrusions these days I really don't blame them for bailing out. All the female teachers talked about him, even the married and older women. Of course it was just girl-talk. Sorry guys as it's a double standard for sure in that it's OK for women to objectify men but not the other way around. Oh well, who really cares?

Shannon had just moved in from Philadelphia and so far as I knew hadn't brought along a girlfriend or gained a new one since arriving. I heard him mention before Thanksgiving about having to travel all the way across Pennsylvania to be with family so apparently they were all still out east. What had drawn him to the 'burgh was a mystery to me but then I don't know the job market for teachers out there.

As I previously mentioned, if there's one adage I've always followed it's you don't mess with your career. Being an eighth grade teacher, people are always asking me if I'm ever attracted to a student. Well duh, of course! Then again, so what? I'm attracted to a lot of men but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. Besides, any teacher who does it with a student deserves to lose their license and go to jail if for no reason than being insanely stupid. Like what young boy is not going to eventually tell his friends he's been screwing his teacher? Even if a girl doesn't say anything now, how does a guy know she's not going to come after him years or even decades later and destroy his teaching career and marriage?

Similarly, messing around with other teachers has never been a thing for me. Sure, when a guy like Shannon comes around I'm attracted and may even masturbate about him at home just as I was now. Again, that didn't mean I was ever planning to DO anything with him. Maybe if I was single it would be different. Single teachers date and even get married all the time. Everyone knew I was married - and I made sure they saw my ring to prove it! For me to have an affair with another teacher would likely bring nothing but trouble - the kind that gets you fired under the "inappropriate behavior" clause of our contract.

Still, for whatever reason I'd found myself thinking a lot about Shannon from the start of the school year. He teaches in the room next to mine so we see each other often in the hallways and sometimes in the teacher's lounge or cafeteria. We've always maintained a strictly professional relationship although I could've sworn there were more than a few times when he "checked me out". It's not like I wear anything particularly suggestive at school to draw attention to myself. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The majority of my school outfits would feel right at home on the set of Little House on the Prairie with their long hemlines, high necks with NO cleavage, bra and panties at all time, nothing sleeveless or revealing. The dress code for teachers, particularly female ones, is quite detailed and ridiculously strict - so much so I felt it was a little unfair given the "anything goes" mentality when it comes to the seventh and eighth grade girls I teach. Even though they're mostly just twelve to fourteen years old, it amazes me how their mothers will allow them to come to school dressed like little sluts and yet nothing ever gets said to them.

Despite my better judgement, around mid-October or so found myself starting to REALLY fantasize about Shannon. These days it seems like whenever I masturbate at least part of the time I'm imagining it's him fucking me. I think it's sorta quaint that some guys worry when they write me, saying that they hope their fantasies are not too extreme or turn me off. Well, no need to worry as my feelings are that NOTHING is wrong so long as it's just a fantasy. Instead, it's what you DO that counts. OK, so I may not necessarily share your enthusiasm for your weird fantasy but that doesn't mean I would ever condemn you for having it. Trust me, there are plenty of guys with fantasies that are total turn-offs which I try to politely turn away but hey, if it turns him on then he can have them - just not with me.

While I have definite rules and boundaries when it comes to my real life, I DO have some fantasies that can get pretty crazy. Some things just never turn me on - scat, BSDM, sex with animals and very young kids, that sort of thing. However there are plenty of other things that I'd never DO in real life that I still enjoy dreaming about them. Most of these fantasies have to do with people I'd love to fuck but know I either can't or never will have the opportunity - celebrities and such. For instance, I can remember watching TV with my dad as a little girl and masturbating over some guy I thought was cute - just as he did when Amanda Tapping of StarGate was on the screen or another sexy girl. Needless to say I wasn't going to ever actually have sex with them. Back then I use to make myself cum thinking about a teacher at school, or even my pastor at church - men who the idea of fucking me turned me on yet I would never do them in real life. OK, so I did a youth pastor (and later his wife) once but never a head pastor!

At first my thoughts of Shannon followed the usual pattern - nice fantasy material when I was pleasing myself but at the same time knowing it would never happen in real life. Then for whatever reason I started thinking to myself, heck with all this nonsense - why not do it? It wasn't like he was some fifteen year-old kid who would go running off to his friends bragging about doing the teacher. No matter what else might happen I still felt confident that I would only want him once, sort of like notching my belt so to say, so it wouldn't be like we would have to hide an affair from the rest of the staff. Shannon was just so dang HOT and seeing the young girls flirt and fawn over him while he maintained such a distance from them yet at the same time gave just enough attention to be effective turned me on even more. I wondered if he jerked off at night thinking about the teens and tweens who so idolized him. Just the same, I wondered if he'd ever done so thinking about fucking ME!

Of course Shannon knew I was married and maintained an extremely professional demeanor with me at all times. He'd even met Steve in the parking lot a few times when my husband picked me up from school. I wondered what Shannon would've said if he knew Steve was checking out the guy who'd been making his wife so horny recently? Not that Steve would EVER have considered anything with him. My husband's phobia against homosexuality was legendary - at least between two guys. Knowing I was married and seeing how I kissed Steve to greet him, Shannon had to know what a great marriage we have. I'd bet most anything though that he had no idea that one of the biggest secrets to our success was Steve allowing me to be with men just like him! It's not like Steve pulled him aside and encouraged him to fuck me - although sometimes when I was masturbating I'd fantasize that he did just that!