Chapter 1 - Making Love vs. Fucking
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Over the years many sanctimonious people have criticized me for my use of the phrase "fucking". OK, so maybe I DO overuse it sometimes but in my defense it's just easier to use then something like "having sex" or other euphemisms. The way I use it I don't see it as a curse word but rather just a description of an action.
Perhaps the quickest way for me to define "making love", at least how it would appear if I was editing the dictionary, is to say there's only one person in the world who has or ever will make love to me - my husband. My love Steve is so much different from that I have for any other man (or woman for that matter). Steve's my husband, my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, my inspiration and most of all - the father of my children. I can't even imagine what my life would be like without him. Because of that, the term "making love" means something special to me. Yet even when it comes to me and Steve it's not like every time we do it I consider it making love. Heck, there are lots of times one or both of us gets really horny and we just have sex for the simple fun of it. In situations like that we're simply addressing our physical needs, more so than an act of love between a husband and wife. The times we DO make love are special and only happen when we are alone - no kids, no relatives, nobody else.
That said... EVERYONE else just fucks me and that includes my father. As I've also said, he's my father, not my lover!
All this is not to imply anything bad or to demean having sex with someone besides my husband - actually I'd say quite to the contrary. There are many "levels" you could say when it comes to fucking. For instance, at the top of the list would be when my dad fucks me which is not anywhere the same as when I'm doing it with some guy whose name I don't even know. However I've no desire to complicate things by devising some sort of ranking for me being fucked based on who, when and where I have sex so I just resort to using the catch-all phrase "fucking". Hey, it works for me!
Another way of differentiating between the terms "fucking" and "making love" would be to compare how they would apply to a marriage more "conventional" than ours. My guess (and hope) would be that the typical wife would agree with what I with regards to "making love" with her spouse be that male or female. However, my suspicion is that she wouldn't look upon "fucking" the same as me because her relationship with her husband is probably a lot different than mine. Without the deep trust and self-confidence my husband and I share, I'm sure that if her husband fucked someone that she would call it an act of adultery and lead to a few issues with their marriage, to say the least.
Such a wife would more than likely be surprised to know that I also abhor adultery and that I've warned my husband he would be neutered in his sleep without anesthetic if he ever committed such an act. Then again, I'll admit that my definition of adultery is a little more flexible than for most wives. In short, I believe adultery is the act of sex with someone besides your spouse without their permission. Another way of saying it would be that adultery is "cheating". Adultery is being dishonest with your spouse, hiding something from them that should never be hidden. Even so it doesn't necessarily mean that Steve has to tell me every time he has a little fun with someone else, just that he never deliberately hides it from me or lying about it. He knows that he has my blanket permission to have sex with anyone he wants so long as if I ever ask about it that he tells me. Personally, it doesn't turn me all that much on to listen about his little adventures or whatever he calls them. It's not that I'm jealous or anything, it just doesn't get me off.
The same goes with me. While I tell Steve about the vast majority of my extracurricular sexual activities, I don't feel compelled to "confess" the next time I see him. Usually I DO tell him simply because I know he gets off from hearing about it! So I suppose while I tell him most everything, typically if it doesn't impact me in some way then Steve's more than welcome to just keep it to himself. That's particularly true when it comes to having sex with my dad - something he'd rather practice "don't ask - don't tell".
Now that I'm in my thirties with two beautiful daughters, I find my needs and desires slowly changing. Actually, I'd rather say they're "evolving" more so than something I feel needs to be altered. For most of my life I've enjoyed striking out on my own like a cat on the prowl, seeing the reaction of men and just enjoying myself for the evening or afternoon, sometimes with multiple men. Older men - preferably the "happily" married ones are now my favorites. It's even better if they have a teen daughter or two. It's such a boost to my ego and self-worth knowing such men want me so bad they do something they've dared do before!
Nowadays I find I'm more and more into intimacy which mean more one-to-one relationships. I'm much more satisfied these days after spending the night with someone than just a few hours of wild sex. The fact that he has a wife at home clueless about what he's doing turns me on something fierce! Knowing he wants me more than her, even though it's just for one night, makes me feel so sexy and desirable. Fulfilling his fantasies about his daughter can be such a turn-on, especially knowing when he goes home he'll more than likely be looking at her with even more lust than ever before. If nothing else he'll always remember what he did with me! It's like I've been tattooed into his brain. He'll never make love to his wife or hold his daughter close again without memories of me intruding.
Because of my personal "evolution", I find that most of my sexual dalliances outside our marriage (as in non-incestual sex) now tend to be swapping with other married couple. True, it takes away the "cheating" aspect I find so erotic but then it's a whole lot easier to find a couple that wants to swap than a husband who wants to cheat for the first time. Any man who has been married that long hasn't cheated for a reason, even if he WANTS to do it. All of which just makes it all the more fulfilling for me when he does with me!
There's a HUGE difference for me between being fucked by husbands who cheat regularly on their wives and the first timers. I know this may sound strange at first but bear with me... I despise men who commit adultery, especially the ones who do it serially. In my eyes marriage is a solemn commitment and he took an oath before God and his family which makes such a violation wrong on many levels. Thus other than his first time, where's the joy and thrill of being fucked by such a bastard? Keep in mind I'm referring to the ones who hide it from their wife. As I said, while it's still wrong and a sin, I don't hold the "first timer" in such contempt. Let's be real... typically it's not all his fault. Shouldn't his wife have to share some of the blame if she's not satisfying his needs? I mean like if she was then he wouldn't have been seriously thinking about it fucking me in the first place. Also, I'll admit I often have to bear a smidgeon responsibility as the average married guy I fuck doesn't usually come on to me first. It's like almost always I'm the one who has to pursue him. True, that's usually only when I see some sort of signal he might be interested but in most cases I doubt that if I hadn't made the effort then nothing would have happened. Doesn't every man fantasize? It's getting them to cross the line from fantasy world to the real world that's the problem.
As much as I get grief from it, I have maintained a personal policy that I don't do it again with a husband who has cheated just once with me. Maybe it's a bit to assuage my guilt but I have no desire to ever hurt someone's marriage or become someone's mistress. Rather I like to believe that in most cases allowing him the opportunity to cheat with me HELPS their marriage by allowing him to release those pent up needs and live out the fantasies he's been masturbating about. OK, so maybe for the rest of their marriage he thinks a little about me every time he makes love to his wife, but at least she's still his wife! If anything, if she ever found out she should thank me for the great sex after I did it with him. I know... fat chance of THAT ever happening but I can dream!
Thanks to writings such as this one, I get letters from all sorts of guys who claim to fit my desired "profile" - married, never cheated, teenage daughter. Most of these I take with a grain of salt as I figure they're just saying what they think will get my attention, maybe even convince me to send them a nude of me or two and have some free phone sex. If that's the case they're doomed to be disappointed but still it can be a little entertaining to go along with them for a while although it gets boring pretty quickly. I say that because if they're lying then they quickly use up the fake photos stolen from somebody's Facebook page or run out of excuses as to why they won't rummage through their daughter's underwear and cum on it. Amazingly though, every now and then I get a real guy which can lead to a long-term "relationship" where I share more than usual. Still, it's all just fun and games as I would never consider getting more intimate with anyone on-line, certainly not to where I would share personal information or even cam with them or talk on the phone.
Meeting real guys though is different from chatting on-line of course yet in some ways not so much. For example, I NEVER share my real name or any information with a guy that I don't need to share, even after he's fucked me (or should I say, especially after he's fucked me). In some cases it's unavoidable because we met in church and he's known me maybe for years. It's when I'm with someone I've never met before that my obsession for secrecy comes in full throttle. I'd NEVER consider meeting a stranger at my apartment or even let them see my car (license plate!) or share a photo showing something that could link me to my "real" life. At the same time it can be quite interesting when I've known the guy previously and then see him again later knowing what we've done - especially if his virtuous wife or adoring family is with him. Greeting his clueless wife shortly after he's fucked me, knowing she has no idea I'm carrying his adulterous sperm within me, is incredibly erotic!
