Frustrated. I could tell Linda was a bit frustrated with me. Linda and I had been on several dates over the course of about a month and had done nothing more than holding hands and a quick kiss goodnight.
It wasn't her. It was me. She is a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful person, and I'm very attracted to her on so many levels. But I'm a 'slow hand' type of guy that isn't comfortable putting fast moves on a woman. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times I'd loved to have been naked in bed on a first date, but I never did. Even with women that are extremely physically attractive, I've never gone to bed with, or even kissed them until we'd been on at least a months worth of dates. And that's where I found myself with Linda.
This isn't something I do on purpose, it's just me. I actually like getting to know someone and feeling some sort of a connection with them before I get physically involved. It doesn't have to be love, just some sort of connection beyond hormones and lust.
Anyway, I had invited her over to my place for 'dinner and a movie' and was cooking a classic steak dinner with mashed potatoes, corn, and of course margaritas. It was a good dinner, the conversation flowed, but I could still tell she was a bit out of sorts about something. I knew what it was and I wasn't playing games with her, but I was also worried she might think that I didn't find her attractive. But I did.
After dinner, we sat down in the living room to watch a movie. Just a couple of minutes into the film, Linda got up, said she had to go to the bathroom. I paused the movie so she wouldn't miss anything, lay back, closed my eyes and enjoyed the nice buzz from the margaritas. I was very relaxed and didn't hear her come back into the room. I didn't know she was there until she had literally jumped on top of me.
I opened my eyes, looked into her beautiful face and smiled as she lay on top of me. She smiled too and asked, "Are you going to kiss me or what?"
I said, "Yes", moved to kiss her, but the instant before our lips touched I stopped and pulled back. She looked surprised and disappointed, but before she could say anything, I smiled mischievously and flipped her over on her back so I was now on top.
I can't remember exactly what I said, but in that moment I do remember feeling a 'connection' with her that was a far more powerful than anything I'd felt with anyone before. I didn't want to just start making out, strip her naked, and have sex... OK, yes, I did. But I didn't. I wanted something more. I wanted an intoxicating memory that we'd be able to share forever.