Meeting a Geisha
When I moved to Tokyo for my work I didn't want to live in "the golden ghetto" where many expats and foreign workers congregate. I thought I should avoid other
gaijin
(foreigners) and live in an ordinary Japanese neighborhood. I wanted to absorb Japanese language and culture through my daily activities and socializing.
While my idea sounded good in theory, I didn't realize most Japanese don't socialize with their neighbors. Of course, they exchange polite superficialities, but they don't "hang out." Japanese can have next-door neighbors for decades but never enter their home. That's ordinary.
As it turned out, the only neighbor in my 8-unit building whom I spoke with was Mineko, a woman who lived above me. I was 31 years old, and she was mid-forties and living alone. That's very odd for a Japanese woman. But she was a retired Geisha. Living alone is ordinary for Geishas who don't become an
OkΔsan
and run her own teahouse.
I had read many books on traditional Japanese culture before moving to Tokyo. So, I knew the basics of the Geisha ethos. Sadly, it's a dying art form. In its heyday there were some 80,000 Geisha in Kyoto alone and now there are only about 800 in the whole nation.
Contrary to popular Western notions, Geisha are not prostitutes. They are hostesses and entertainers. Many develop a special relationship with one regular patron. Some do marry this benefactor, but it's very rare. After retiring, most become a "kept woman" with an until-death-do-we-part "sugar daddy" who likely has a wife and family. They live alone in a
pied-Γ -terre
as a mistress. Such was the case for Mineko and her patron who rarely visited.
The Geisha life is a rigorous commitment to mastering traditional arts. They entertain customers who pay for time; knowing full well the Geisha will never provide sex despite their flirtations. It's all part of the entertainment you pay for with your drinks. Regulars always think maybe next time I'll get more. But they won't.
Geisha are required to learn classical Japanese dance and song. They can play musical instruments; typically, the shamisen (which means "three strings") plucked with a thin flat piece of tortoise shell worn on the fingers.
Geisha are also brilliant and witty conversationalists. They can converse deeply on a broad range of topics, tell great jokes and stories, recite poetry and are experts in double entendre. They're the life of the party. They instigate and play drinking games. Afterall, they earn money for the house on the exorbitant cost of those drinks. Geisha are titillating, flirtatious and masters at arousal, but almost never follow through.
The key word is "almost". While they are not sex workers, Geisha are always on the lookout for the ultimate sugar daddy -- an uber-wealthy benefactor who will provide for them in retirement. As you can imagine that sponsor expects exclusivity and sex whenever he wants. Although Geishas play the chaste cockteaser, she must know how to please a man in bed when they eventually do land a sponsor. So, how do they acquire these sexual skills? Who knows. They live in a very secretive world hidden from the men they entertain. They never share trade secrets. Trust me, I tried to learn them from my neighbor Mineko.
Mineko spoke English fluently along with a couple of other languages. I think she was a little lonely, so we eventually became drinking buddies. Geisha don't have female friends outside the business as ordinary Japanese women are a bit intimidated by a Geisha's sophistication and male attraction. They can't have Japanese male friends once they have a sugar daddy. Any man of a status suitable to befriend a Geisha would present a risk of discovery by moving in the same social circles as her benefactor.
I chose to live in a Japanese neighborhood to immerse myself, but quickly discovered my neighbors were polite but cautiously standoffish. They were afraid to socialize with a foreigner lest other people gossip. However, Mineko was in the same boat as me -- a curiosity to be politely avoided by other people in our building. Geisha are highly respected for their deep level of training in the arts and various activities but they are intimidating to the ordinary housewife.
We had many interesting conversations when we happened to meet by chance in the building's laundry room, at the mailbox, and so on. I knew better than to invite Mineko into my apartment or suggest drinks or a meal out together. We conversed in public that concluded with mutual bows when we parted ways.
Then one day we were chatting as we folded our clothing in the laundry room and something unexpected happened. Mineko handed me a small envelope. It was an invitation to have a Saturday afternoon tea at MY apartment. I was instructed to slip a note under her door with the preferred date and time If interested. Everything about this was shockingly forward. It broke every rule of Japanese social etiquette. But then, as a foreigner these rules did not apply to me.
I returned a note as requested suggesting the next Saturday at 2pm. I was excited to host her and foolishly dreamed this would become a friendship with benefits. But comically, I was more nervous about serving tea. Geisha are qualified to teach the tea ceremony and are connoisseurs of green tea. I knew where to buy a high-end tea but didn't know how hot the water should be nor how long to steep the leaves. I didn't even have proper teacups.
