Calm down Abby, it is just a good friend coming over to catch up and hang out. Nothing more. My stomach drops. Deep down I know I want tonight to be something more, so much more. After all, this is Mason we are talking about, not just any friend. We have had way too many intimate conversations for me to try to pretend like I don't want something to happen tonight. I just hope he is on the same wavelength as me.
A knock on the door breaks me from my doom spiral. Probably for the best. The butterflies seem to be swarming in my stomach as I go to answer. There he stands, Mason. A friend for a long time. There's always been something more between us. We've shared fantasies, even sent scandalous texts and photos. But this, him here in front of, with all the potential of everything we've discussed available to us, I almost can't believe it.
As he walks through the door, he smiles and greets me. I can't help but think how I've been waiting for this for so long. But I don't even know what to expect. I greet him back, a shy, nervous smile playing across my face. I lick and bite my bottom lip out of nervous habit, and take a moment to just drink it all in. It's not our first time seeing each other, but it is our first time to be alone, in private, the sexual tension palpable. We both stand in the doorway awkwardly for a moment before I remember that I am the host, and this gorgeous man is my guest.
"Did you find the place okay?" My voice is so quiet. I turn and start walking toward the living room. I hear his footsteps following mine to the couch.
"Yeah, it was pretty easy. Plus I already know the general area." He and I both smile, probably both thinking about the joke of him being a creeper-stalker. He knows the city better than me, and always knows the places I'm talking about before I can remember the names. It's enough to break the first layer of ice, but we're going to really have to warm-up to each other for me to be more comfortable.
"Would you like something to drink?" Whoa, that doesn't sound like my voice at all. I don't remember it being so high. I don't know if I've ever been so anxious before. What the hell is the matter with me? I keep a smile on my face, hoping he can't possibly know how nervous this makes me.
"A beer is good. Thanks." So polite. Good thing I went shopping today. However, I will need something a bit stronger than beer to calm my nerves and boost some confidence.
As I begin to walk towards the kitchen, I motion over to the couch. "You can sit. Make yourself at home." I open the fridge and see all the food blocking the beer and vaguely wonder if he has eaten anything. "Are you hungry? I could fix you something if you are." I grab the bottle opener and pop the cap with ease.
"No thanks, I ate already." All I can think is how relieved I am to hear that. I haven't eaten since breakfast, but I'm not hungry for food. I can't believe that my clit is already pulsing just from thinking about where this night could possibly lead.
I give him the beer he has requested and fix myself a gin and tonic. We are sitting on the couch just talking and catching up on things. I am so anxious that my stomach feels like it's upside down. Why am I so anxious? Luckily, the alcohol helps to calm my nerves, but I still feel like I'm shaking on the inside. What's wrong with me? Of course, Mason looks completely calm and nonchalant about this little hang out. Typical. We have gone through every bit of small talk probably possible. It all seems to be going in a fast-forward slow motion. How is that even possible?
Catching up with Mason is easy and hard all at the same time. It is really so much easier when I am not distracted by his physical being. I'm trying to pay attention to the conversation, put in appropriate commentary and answers when needed. "Yes, the semester turned out fine, I probably could have studied harder, but live and learn." "Are you excited to be back?" "Have any big plans while you're home?" "Work is work. Some days it's great, others I want to shoot myself." I'm trying to keep my focus, but tidbits of past conversations we've had keep popping up in my head. I'm also just distracted by him. He looks so good even dressed so casually in a t-shirt and jeans that sit just the right way on him that makes my mouth dry. Not to mention, I know what's underneath the clothes, which keeps causing me to undress him in my mind. Jeez, hormones!
I wonder if his mind is on the same track as mine. Who could tell with his steadiness and calm attitude? I know he's thought about it too; there's no way he hasn't. I'm afraid this will be what usually happens with us, we've taken a step forward, but one of us will psych out and bolt. It won't be me, that's for damn sure. I'm already a little hot and wet just from the anticipation of what he could do to me. Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me?