Thursday, November 1st, 2012, 7:30am
Sunlight streamed in through the window, warming my face and beating down hard through my closed eyelids. It soon left me no choice but to wake up. I opened my eyes and blinked at the unfamiliar surroundings. Then I remembered where I was, and what I was doing last night, and with whom. And I smiled the kind of smile that only young lovers can truly experience or understand.
Being careful not to move, I watched Erin sleep. Her head lay on my chest; I could feel her soft exhalations of breath on my skin. She held me tight in her arms, and one of her legs was curled around my thigh. A lock of her dark hair had fallen in front of her face, covering one of her eyes. I gently swept it behind her ear. Her white skin brightly shone in the sunlight.
God, she was beautiful.
I don't know how long I watched her sleep. Could have been five minutes, maybe longer. It didn't really matter at all. At that moment, time itself ceased to have much meaning to me.
I had built up in my mind what my "first time" experience with sex would be like. I believed, naturally, that it would be a spectacular event, and my belief only increased when Erin took the starring role in my fantasies. I knew it was nothing out of the ordinary to over-hype one's first time, to assume it would be earth-moving, world-shattering, or whatever other fantastical adjective you wanted to use to describe it. It seemed everyone I knew thought the same way. I also faintly suspected that it was a ridiculous notion in the first place. Whether it was due to the choice of partner, choice of location, unexpected interruptions... those and seemingly a million other possible reasons, in my lifetime more than a few people have told me their first time just wasn't what it was cracked up to be.
Yet somehow my experience was even better than I had imagined possible. The special moments Erin and I shared last night, when we each fought through our own nervous battles with ourselves and willingly gave our virginity to the other... it was truly special, in a way I won't ever be able to properly describe. I will never forget Halloween 2012 for the rest of my life.
Having closed my eyes as I was thinking back to last night, I opened them and watched Erin again. I found myself stroking her bare back, to my mild surprise, as I didn't recall actively choosing to do so. It must have been an unconscious decision on my part, a reaction to being naked in bed together, just me and my goth princess.
My goth princess.
Just the thought of those three words strung together was enough to spread a wide smile over my face. I recalled how she screamed that phrase to me last night as she implored me to come for her, to come hard inside her welcoming pussy. I was in the throes of ecstasy and of course only too willing to oblige her. The circumstances of the birth of that saying would be etched into my brain forever, and I knew 'my goth princess' would easily be my favourite term of affection for her.
Just then, Erin's eyes slowly fluttered open. She briefly inhaled sharply, perhaps momentarily confused by the presence of someone else in her bed. But when she looked up, her eyes misted over and she beamed at me. The look of warmth and contentment on her face made my heart leap. She stretched her lithe little body in a cat-like manner and then resumed her firm and loving hold on me.
"Hi," she said quietly.
"Hi, yourself," I replied.
We slipped back into a contented silence. She kept her grip on me and I continued to caress her soft skin. The look on her face when she later gazed back in my direction was enough to stop me, however. It looked like she had a serious question on her mind.
"Gare?"
"Yeah, Erin?"
"Last night... it was for real, right?"
"Well, yeah, of course it was. Either that or we took some wicked drugs last night..."
"No, Garrett, I'm serious!" The way she reacted to my attempted joke, the words she used, and the strength with which she gripped my arm made me nervous to the very pit of my stomach.
"I... I'm sorry Erin," I stuttered, not entirely sure what was happening. "But I... I don't understand what you're getting at. What are you trying to say?"
"I... I need to know that last night wasn't just a one-time thing for you. What we did, what we shared... it's everything to me. I need to know you feel the same way."
I paused for a few moments before answering, hoping I could sufficiently reassure her that this wasn't a one-night stand.
"Erin, we've been friends for a long time. So you should know that I'm not one to cut and run, right?"
"Yes, I know. It's just that... well... sex changes things sometimes. In a bad way."
She was right, of course. Even as young as I was, I understood that sex can ruin good relationships. But it didn't have to in our case. Not if I had anything to say about it.
"Come here," I whispered.
Erin crawled up closer to me. I captured her mouth in a kiss, attempting to pour all my love and emotion into the embrace as my tongue sought entry into her mouth. She sighed happily into my mouth, and our tongues twined together until we broke for air.
If I were a pessimist, I would have asked her how we were supposed to know what our individual futures would hold, let alone how much of those futures we'd spend together. Especially since we were only eighteen and not yet out of high school, with so much of our lives still ahead of us.
Luckily for us, I'm more of an optimist.
So what I did tell her was something I'm sure she wanted to hear. But, more importantly, I was equally sure that it was true. I knew it in my head, and I felt it in the depths of my heart.
"Erin, I love you. I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me."
Tears started to roll down her face. I carefully wiped them away with my thumbs. "I love you, Garrett," she said. "I don't ever want to let you go."
She then lowered her head. "I'm sorry if I offended you," she sighed into my chest. "I should have known you wouldn't just dump me after last night. But I really needed to hear you say you love me. I couldn't help but think that last night would all be a dream that would fade away into black nothingness unless you said it was all for real."
"It's OK, Erin. I forgive you. And these feelings, this love I have for you, they are real. Please don't ever doubt that."
"And my love for you is just as real, Garrett."
"Trust me, I believe you 100%," I told her.
She sighed before speaking again. "You know... being in love like this... it's so new for me. I've never felt this strongly about anything before, ever. I think it's making me crazy."
"You and me both, babe." I then smiled as this exchange randomly triggered something in my brain. "Just hold on loosely, but don't let go..." I sang tenderly.
She cringed a little, probably because my singing voice is, to be honest, pretty damned awful. "Uh... what?" she asked.
I shrugged. "It's from a song by one of those classic rock bands my Dad likes so much. I think it means it's better if we try not to be so intense about our relationship. Don't take us being together for granted, obviously, but don't be too clingy or too desperate because that might also drive a wedge between us and ruin everything."
"I'll try," she replied, "but I can't promise anything. I get intense about things I care about, you know that. It's as much a part of me as being goth is."