Secret Agent Sledge Riprock walked into his boss's office, his broad shoulders barely fitting through the doorframe. The Chief nodded toward a chair. Sledge sat, his sculpted glutes sliding easily inside the fine wool of his expertly tailored Savile Row suit.
The Chief took his pipe out of his mouth and looked levelly at Riprock. "Sledge, I've got a new assignment for you. It's very dangerous."
"That's my favorite kind, Chief," said Sledge, his lantern jaw jutting out over the desk.
The Chief tossed a dossier in front of Sledge. "Your assignment is a very lethal Russian assassin. We need her neutralized. She has killed or otherwise eliminated seven of our top agents. Her primary weapon is sex."
Sledge leafed through the folder. The first item was a glossy black and white photo of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her name was stamped across the top. He knew her well.
"Colonel Tatiana Igetzemov!" exclaimed Sledge. "She was a top assassin for the KGB, and is now the deadliest agent in the Russian secret service. I've been wanting to get a crack at her for years. When do I start?"
"Immediately," said the Chief, tossing a plane ticket on the desk in front of Sledge. "Do you have a plan?"
"Yes," said Sledge, smoothing his lapels and tucking the ticket into an inside pocket. "I will allow her to capture me. Then I'll turn the full power of my manly charms upon her. I know exactly how to turn evil female agents into blubbering piles of goo." He glanced down at his crotch. "One ride on my muscle of love and she'll be eating out of my hand and begging to mend her evil ways. She'll be working for us within the week."
"Well, be careful," said the Chief. "She is more dangerous than any other target I've ever sent you against. She can kill with a smile. She can wound with her eyes. She can ruin your faith with her casual lies."
Sledge rolled his eyes. "Thanks. Now that song will be running through my head all day."
**************
Secret Agent Sledge Riprock stepped in through the door of the Golden Tulip Restaurant in downtown Casablanca, Morocco. All eyes turned to stare at him. He was radiant in his crisp white tuxedo, with his broad shoulders, trim waist, taut buttocks, lantern jaw, and slicked back hair. The maรฎtre d'hรดtel came running up to him, obsequiously bowing and wringing his hands.
"Does Monsieur have a reservation?" he asked, groveling.
"Certainly," said Sledge, sliding a 100 Dirham note into the host's breast pocket. "The name is Riprock. Sledge Riprock."
"This way, Monsieur Riprock," said the maรฎtre d', bowing and scraping, and leading our hero to a secluded table in an alcove. Sledge seated himself, careful not to ruin the crease in the trousers of his Armani tux.
Moments later, a swarthy waiter placed an ice-cold up glass on the table, ice crystals still swirling in the gin. "Wonderful to see you back in Casablanca, Monsieur Riprock," he said with a bow.
"Thank you, Hadji," said Sledge, taking a sip of the martini. Ah, they remembered, he thought, just the way I like them. His hand reached for the small dish of dates on the table in front of him.
As Sledge munched dates and studied the menu, a shadow suddenly fell across his table. He looked up, and found himself staring into a dark, sensuous face with full glowing eyes, moist luscious lips, and coal-black hair. The face of his quarry, of course.
"Haff you been vaiting long, darling?" asked the sultry beauty, in a thick Russian accent.
"Not at all, my little dumpling," said Sledge, playing along and half rising from his chair. "Please..." He indicated the other chair at the table.
The sensuous vamp snapped her fingers at Hadji, who bowed and nodded, then scurried away. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Agent Riprock," she said.
"You too, Colonel Igetzemov," said Sledge. "I've been tracking you for a long time."
"Yes, I know," she said. "You haff been most determined. I felt it time we finally settle things, once and for all."
Hadji returned, and placed a chilled glass of vodka in front of the Colonel. He also set down several small platters of food, including a plate of Baba Ghanoush, a dish of Hรผnkar Beฤendi, and a bowl of Kokoreรง, before bowing and disappearing once more.
Sledge helped himself to a few of the delicacies. "How do you suggest that we 'settle things,' Colonel?" he asked. "Do you wish to surrender to me now?"
The Russian raised her glass to her mouth, and pressed it erotically to her plump, sensuous lips. "Nyet, not at all," cooed the Russian, swallowing a mouthful of vodka. "I propose that I take care of you the same vay that I haff taken care of the last seven of your countrymen. I vill fuck you to death."