Secret Agent Sledge Riprock walked into his boss's office, his broad shoulders barely fitting through the doorframe. The Chief nodded toward a chair. Sledge sat, his sculpted glutes sliding easily inside the fine wool of his expertly tailored Savile Row suit.
The Chief took his pipe out of his mouth and looked levelly at Riprock. "Sledge, I've got a new assignment for you. It's very dangerous."
"That's my favorite kind, Chief," said Sledge, his lantern jaw jutting out over the desk.
The Chief tossed a dossier in front of Sledge. "Your assignment is a very lethal Russian assassin. We need her neutralized. She has killed or otherwise eliminated seven of our top agents. Her primary weapon is sex."
Sledge leafed through the folder. The first item was a glossy black and white photo of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her name was stamped across the top. He knew her well.
"Colonel Tatiana Igetzemov!" exclaimed Sledge. "She was a top assassin for the KGB, and is now the deadliest agent in the Russian secret service. I've been wanting to get a crack at her for years. When do I start?"
"Immediately," said the Chief, tossing a plane ticket on the desk in front of Sledge. "Do you have a plan?"
"Yes," said Sledge, smoothing his lapels and tucking the ticket into an inside pocket. "I will allow her to capture me. Then I'll turn the full power of my manly charms upon her. I know exactly how to turn evil female agents into blubbering piles of goo." He glanced down at his crotch. "One ride on my muscle of love and she'll be eating out of my hand and begging to mend her evil ways. She'll be working for us within the week."
"Well, be careful," said the Chief. "She is more dangerous than any other target I've ever sent you against. She can kill with a smile. She can wound with her eyes. She can ruin your faith with her casual lies."
Sledge rolled his eyes. "Thanks. Now that song will be running through my head all day."
**************
Secret Agent Sledge Riprock stepped in through the door of the Golden Tulip Restaurant in downtown Casablanca, Morocco. All eyes turned to stare at him. He was radiant in his crisp white tuxedo, with his broad shoulders, trim waist, taut buttocks, lantern jaw, and slicked back hair. The maître d'hôtel came running up to him, obsequiously bowing and wringing his hands.
"Does Monsieur have a reservation?" he asked, groveling.
"Certainly," said Sledge, sliding a 100 Dirham note into the host's breast pocket. "The name is Riprock. Sledge Riprock."
"This way, Monsieur Riprock," said the maître d', bowing and scraping, and leading our hero to a secluded table in an alcove. Sledge seated himself, careful not to ruin the crease in the trousers of his Armani tux.
Moments later, a swarthy waiter placed an ice-cold up glass on the table, ice crystals still swirling in the gin. "Wonderful to see you back in Casablanca, Monsieur Riprock," he said with a bow.
"Thank you, Hadji," said Sledge, taking a sip of the martini. Ah, they remembered, he thought, just the way I like them. His hand reached for the small dish of dates on the table in front of him.
As Sledge munched dates and studied the menu, a shadow suddenly fell across his table. He looked up, and found himself staring into a dark, sensuous face with full glowing eyes, moist luscious lips, and coal-black hair. The face of his quarry, of course.
"Haff you been vaiting long, darling?" asked the sultry beauty, in a thick Russian accent.
"Not at all, my little dumpling," said Sledge, playing along and half rising from his chair. "Please..." He indicated the other chair at the table.
The sensuous vamp snapped her fingers at Hadji, who bowed and nodded, then scurried away. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Agent Riprock," she said.
"You too, Colonel Igetzemov," said Sledge. "I've been tracking you for a long time."
"Yes, I know," she said. "You haff been most determined. I felt it time we finally settle things, once and for all."
Hadji returned, and placed a chilled glass of vodka in front of the Colonel. He also set down several small platters of food, including a plate of Baba Ghanoush, a dish of Hünkar Beğendi, and a bowl of Kokoreç, before bowing and disappearing once more.
Sledge helped himself to a few of the delicacies. "How do you suggest that we 'settle things,' Colonel?" he asked. "Do you wish to surrender to me now?"
The Russian raised her glass to her mouth, and pressed it erotically to her plump, sensuous lips. "Nyet, not at all," cooed the Russian, swallowing a mouthful of vodka. "I propose that I take care of you the same vay that I haff taken care of the last seven of your countrymen. I vill fuck you to death."
"Very interesting," said Sledge. "But suppose that I fuck you to death first?"
Colonel Igetzemov laughed; a small snorting sound. "Not very likely, my dear Agent Riprock. I eat men like you for breakfast. Providing that they survive until breakfast, that is."
Sledge suddenly felt queasy. He tried to stand, failed, and sat back down. "What the...," he said, as the room began to spin.
"Poisoned Kokoreç," said the Colonel, as she drained her glass of vodka. Then Sledge felt the floor slam upward to meet his face.
*******************
Sledge Riprock awoke with a start. He was instantly alert, and took in his surroundings with darting eyes. He was still in his tux, seated in a comfortable chair, in a softly lit room. To his surprise, he was unbound. He glanced around. The room also contained a huge bed, a nightstand on each side of the bed, and one other chair. In the chair was Colonel Igetzemov. She was dressed in a black leather catsuit.
Sledge rose carefully to his feet. So did the Colonel. She looked at him through her dark, sparkling eyes. "Well, Agent Riprock. Are you ready to be fucked to death?"
"Hit me with your best shot, Tovarishch," said Sledge. "You are about to meet your match."
Agent Igetzemov reached to her throat, and pulled down the zipper of her outfit from her neck to her navel. She shrugged her shoulders, and the catsuit fell away from her body, draping itself on the floor in a smooth black puddle. She stood there naked in all her glory.
Sledge loosened the bowtie of his tux and flung it across the room. He shrugged out of his jacket. He flexed his pecs and his shirt found itself in tatters on the floor. He yanked the belt from his waist in one swift motion, and kicked his Florsheims across the room. One gyration of his hips and his trousers and boxers joined his other garments on the carpet.
The two super-spies regarded each other, naked, across the room.
Colonel Igetzemov saw a fine specimen of a man; broad shoulders, rippling pecs, sculpted abs, flat hips, legs like tree trunks. And a cock as long and hard as a pipe-bomb, with a head the size of a Granny Smith apple.
Agent Riprock saw a woman as lithe and sensuous as a panther, and as dangerous as a hydrogen bomb with a short fuse. He looked her up and down, from head to toe. Her hair, jet black and full, framed her sensuous face like a satanic halo. Her neck, long and sinewy, looked as powerful as an anaconda. Her shoulders were milky white and rounded, but muscled and strong. Her breasts hung on her chest like two ripe cantaloupes, with just the perfect amount of sag. Her nipples pointed straight forward, as stiff and brown as two wine corks.
Her hands were on her hips, her arms slim but muscular. Her fingers were long and sensuous, with nails painted the color of fresh blood. Her stomach was flat and ripped, smooth and taut below her perfectly formed ribcage. Her hips were broad and round. Her pubic hair was trimmed into a tidy patch, as neat and triangular as Lenin's beard. Her legs were long and lithe and creamy, her quads rippling in barely restrained anticipation. She was poised on the balls of her two perfectly formed feet, well arched and smooth, with perfectly shaped toes and nails that matched her fingers.