It was a warm Saturday morning in March. My husband of one year and I were sitting outside on our patio on a beautiful day. Out of the blue and without warning, he asked me if I wanted to try swinging. I was
shocked and, without thinking or even blinking, my right hand found its way to slapping him. Why would he want to be with another woman? What am I doing wrong?!?
I met my current husband sophomore year in college. He wasn't like the football players I grew up with in high school. See, my father was the assistant varsity football coach, and whether they won or lost he would have the team over to the house for a post-game BBQ. So I spent a lot of time with them. I would ALWAYS hear them talking about their conquests. I was always of the mind that "Alpha-Males" are pompous jerks and I would never be with one. Probably one reason, I was drawn to my husband in college...he was smart, sensitive and well spoken. He was my first and only sexual experience in college. It wasn't until after college that things permanently clicked and he proposed.
And here we are...a year after the wedding, where I pledged in front of God, family, and friends to be with no other man, and he's asking me if he can be with other women. I sat there shocked with my hand throbbing from slapping him. I stormed inside our home. Early that evening, he apologized saying it was a random thought and not something he really wanted to try. However, over the next few weeks, he kept bringing it up, as a joke. We'd walk by a magazine stand at Barnes and Noble, and he'd point out a mag cover with one woman standing in between two men and say, "Wouldn't you like that to be you?" He was planting the seed and trying his best for me not to take it so seriously. He wanted me to be more "open minded."
As the months passed, I began to wonder about swinging. What was it really? How could a woman who took marriage vows want to be with another man? Was it the experience, was it the man, what is it about swingers? The thoughts would swirl in my mind at random unsuitable times; at the local grocer, while watching HGTV, or on the phone with mom. Wikipedia helped a bit in my education. But it seemed superficial, there had to be something deeper. So I abandoned searching any longer. Nothing provided answers and this wasn't something serious anyway...time to move on with my marriage.
Do you ever find it funny how life puts you in situations and you learn many things about yourself?
A few months after the topic of swinging was first brought up, some college friends contacted me. They were having a study session and asked if I could help them. They were all meeting at David's house. David was a senior in college when I was a freshman, but we shared mutual friends. He moved back to the US after living in London for 4 years.
My car was in the shop so my husband dropped me off at David's place. I asked him to come inside and catch up with the gang, but he didn't want to. He never liked David. So I gave my husband a kiss, a hug, told him "I love you" and said I would call when to pick me up. When I got to the door, my friend Shelly answered. She gave me a big hug. I walked in and caught up with everyone. Then David entered the room, and gave me a bigger hug that took me off my feet. I blushed a little. It was his home, so he was dressed more relaxed than everyone - muscle shirt, loose shorts.
We all sat in the living room, reminisced about college, professors, and talked about their upcoming finals. Someone asked David how he enjoyed London. He talked about a few things, and then he said the word that probably moved in slow motion in everyone else's ears but caused time to halt in mine. "I was a swinger the entire time there." Swinger - I know what that is. They were all surprised, and someone asked what that was, but their questions and thoughts were superficial. I had an idea of what it was, and my husband wanted to be a part of that world - a world David had lived in the past 4 years. I couldn't stop staring at him for the rest of the afternoon. I then found myself drawn to sit next to him and began asking him questions; "How did you get into it," "What did you think of it?" And his answers surprised me. I tried to talk as softly as I could and usually only during a time when everyone else was caught up in a conversation. I don't know how long I was talking to David, but I realized that I had become very relaxed, and had kicked off my flip-flops and was sitting in a very comfortable and intimate position next to him.
He talked about the openness of sexuality in Europe and how he primarily joined couples. He liked couples. He enjoyed that the husbands in Europe are more open than those in America, and when they realize that their wife wants more than what they can offer, they do their best to get that need taken care of. How wives are a very special creature that should be taken care of in a more specialized way and that requires a special man. I wanted so much to learn more, to have a long conversation, but I had to squeeze what small chats I could in between study session questions. Throughout our conversations, I could feel my face hot and my heart going a mile a minute. It was like he had me in a trance when we spoke, and study questions from the group would snap me out of it. After one intrusion I excused myself and went into the kitchen for some wine. I had to gather myself, "Susan, get a hold of yourself!" I came back into the living room, but this time sat on the couch opposite David, telling myself this is the safest more appropriate place to sit. I started getting back into the conversation with the group, but still wondered, "Why would a husband bring another man into their bedroom?" I glanced at David when he joined into the conversation. His shorts were baggy, and given my angle, I began to learn WHY he was in demand. At first I couldn't make it out, but then I did. It just dangled there, un-erect, and bigger than I had ever known. My first reaction was shock and disbelief, but my physical reaction...that was another story. My mouth suddenly got watery as if I was at the movie theater about to buy a dill pickle. It shocked me. I looked away, but it was too late. He saw me staring and knew what I was looking at....he smiled.
We continued with the study session for about another hour. I swear my face was red the entire time. I was even asked by Shelly if I was feeling well.
When the group started to break up, Shelly offered me a ride home. As we were walking out the door, David grabbed my arm and told Shelly, "She's going to help me clean," and shut the door before she could say anything.
Those sudden two seconds led my heart to beat a mile a minute. He put his arm around me and told me not to worry - the nervousness must have been all over my face. He said he wanted to talk. He grabbed my hand, like an old boyfriend, and led me to the couch. He has never grabbed my hand before. My feet felt like heavy and cold like stone. As if they were pulling me back, anchoring me to the ground but not strong enough to oppose walking with him. He sat me on the couch, asked me to please sit and relax for a minute, and went to get us some wine. He could tell I was nervous and very uncomfortable, and sat away from me at the other end of the couch. He sat with his back to the armrest and placed his legs on the couch, and asked in a very comforting voice; "Susan, why are you so curious about swinging? You were the only one here that asked insightful questions." I tried to avoid answering him directly, I responded with one poor lie after another. But he didn't buy any of my reasons.
Then I told him, "My husband wanted us to try it."
"Ahhhh," THAT he believed.
He knew my husband in college, but they never got along. David was more boisterous, active, and disruptive while my husband was more the intellectual. Once I confessed why I was curious, the roles reversed. It was his turn to ask questions.
"What did I think, what was my reaction, how did I feel, what did I think of him swinging???" With each question and answer I began to feel more at ease. Perhaps the wine helped. Again, I kicked off my flip-flops and began to relax on the couch too. This turned into a real discussion.
