Oh my god, what am I doing?!
My hands were shaking so bad I fumbled with the hotel key. His breath was hot on my neck, his hands resting on my hips, holding me so close I could fee his intentions pressing against the small of my back. The door opened with a bang and we were in. He pushed me against a wall and kissed me, his lips on mine, hot. His tongue pushed in to my mouth hungry for reciprocation. I obliged, and in that instant I became the Other Woman.
Let's rewind to give some perspective on how I arrived in this situation.
Jay walked into the office I worked at as an administrative assistant. He was a client of my boss and arrived at our office on one of the rare days I didn't know my boss' schedule. He barely gave me a passing glance as he followed my boss into his office, but it was enough for me to see that he was young, handsome and obviously important enough for my boss to meet him at the door instead of having me do it. I was fresh out of college and in the middle of a lackluster relationship with another guy, so I didn't give him much thought except, damn he was good looking, out of my league for sure.
That was the first and only time he ever came into our office, but it was only the beginning of how we got to know each other. Turns out my boss talked to him on a regular basis, always having me initiate the call and transfer it in. So for those brief few seconds of me speaking to him for my boss, I started to push the limits of standard administrative professionalism. I started with innocent small talk, and found him receptive. On the days that required multiple phone calls, I upped the ante to light flirting with lines like 'Once a day is not enough.' He flirted right back. This continued for months with our phone conversations lasting longer until my boss reprimanded me for my behavior. He also made sure to point out to me that Jay was married and in politics, two things I should keep in mind and my distance. Fair enough, I did not want to jeopardize the professional relationship between my boss and Jay. However, Jay and I did develop a mutual friendship through our comparisons of dealing with my boss. Light flirting aside, it was an amicable, professional and innocent friendship. It never branched out and it never came home with either of us.
After a year or so of me working at that office, a job opportunity presented itself. Actually, it was a job posting that I was interested in. Occurring in the same town where Jay was politically active. So I called him up and asked him about it. Turned out, he knew of the position and personally knew the person who listed the job. I don't recall who asked whom, but we decided to meet for drinks and discuss the details of this opportunity.
The day of the drink meeting, I was a nervous wreck. Besides the obvious of actually meeting one of my boss' clients outside of work and outside of his knowledge to further my career was a major stress factor, I was terrified that he wouldn't know what I looked like. We had only seen each other that one brief time in my boss' office, how on earth would he know who I was? Regardless, I made sure I looked good, in a subtle way, so it wasn't obvious that I was trying to impress him. Tight turtleneck sweater, with a pencil skirt, sheer legs and sexy heels complemented by my hair worn loose and eye makeup done up. I arrived at the bar early, which was my plan. I had a shot to take the edge off and waited for Jay. He walked into the bar and looked around. Internally, I panicked.
He doesn't recognize me!
But he looked my way and his face lit up when he saw me waiting at the bar. I wondered how to greet him. Handshake? Too formal. Hug? Too familiar. Do nothing? It didn't really matter because he took matters into his own hands and gave me a hug and peck on the cheek.
God he smelled good!
We both ordered beers and got comfortable at the bar. After some small talk, we got down to business about this job position and his perspective on it. Jay thought it would be a great career choice for me and the person running the show, my future boss, would be a great person to work for. He even volunteered to not only be a reference, but he'd put in a good word with his colleague to leave little choice that I was the best candidate for the job. I told him that if I got the job because of him, I would have to take him out for dinner as a thank you.
The night ended quickly with him heading out to another meeting and promising that we would do it again sometime.
I got the job.
My new job afforded me lots of flexibility. My boss was very clear that as long as I got my work done, he didn't care how or when I did it. It also meant that my role was a very public one. I handled public relations for our company so I was always out making friends, spreading the word and promoting our business. One of the ways I did it was through instant messenger. Turns out Jay was a fan of IM and we began corresponding.
I mentioned to him, that I owed him dinner since I got the job. He agreed and we met. It was a professional dinner. We talked about how I liked my new job and how it would be opening doors to further my career. He mentioned about developments at his office and how the future looked. Time flew and after two hours of talking we had to wrap it up with the promise to do it again sometime.
Jay and I continued to correspond via IM. Our conversations started to get flirty, then suggestive with him asking about my personal life and the men or lack thereof I was seeing. He would always ask me if I would date him, if he were single. My answer would always be, 'You're not, so it doesn't matter.' Then I would parry back a suggestion that 'happily married men do not ask those questions, what's the matter? Not getting any at home?' His response: "Nope".
Oh dear.
Our messages began to escalate. Sharing fantasies became the norm. I would get a rush out of the fear of getting caught by his wife. I was never a fan of marriage but I held fast to the belief that just because marriage wasn't for me, the sanctity of that commitment should not be disturbed. I rationalized that since this was just over instant messenger, it was all play and no harm no foul. If anything I was doing his wife a favor by getting him all riled up and sending him home to play it out with her.
But what was I getting out of it? All these conversations did was fan the flame of a crush that I was neither able nor willing to act on. It was very anti-climatic and emotionally draining. Why couldn't I find a guy like this who was single? It was very easy to understand why Jay's wife was attracted and married to him, but it was confusing why she was no longer amorous to him. They were only married a couple years and still young. It didn't make sense. His fantasies and descriptive narratives provided great content to a sexually satisfying relationship.
These conversations did build a very powerful and intoxicating sexual tension between us. The interest, curiosity, and attraction were there but his marriage commitment put everything in check.
On the few occasions we met for drinks, I could sense the tension lying below the surface of our conversation but modesty always dictated. He was well known and we met at local bars where both of us were recognized so it was always in everyone's best interest to keep it cool and casual. But when he looked at me and our eyes met, it became obvious that he wished we were somewhere else.
About a year into my new job, I was instructed that I was to attend a national convention for promoting our company to a captive audience of political movers and shakers. This convention was in Vegas and I was to be there for 4 days. I tried to hold my enthusiasm in check. I had never been to Vegas before and its reputation for being the top destination for business functions such as this one preceded it. I couldn't wait.
As I was preparing to leave for the convention, I was told that there should be some people from our area that I would have to reach out too. I made a mental list of the key people and brought materials to prepare me on the plane.
My accommodations at Vegas were at the Luxor. A striking casino and hotel shaped like a pyramid. I was on the 23rd floor, offering an impressive view of Vegas and high enough from the noise of the casino on the main floor.
The first day of the convention was pretty typical. Clinics and seminars were offered and I selected enough to keep my day busy. For my afternoon seminar I had selected "The evolving landscape of local politics with community agencies." It was one of the seminars my boss required me attend. I was one of the first arrivals and found a seat towards the back. I was busy checking my emails on my blackberry when someone asked me if the seat next to me was taken. I looked up and couldn't believe my eyes. Jay was standing there with a big grin on his face, waiting for my reply. It took me a moment to recover before answering his question. I managed to say, 'not yet.' But I was thinking:
Holy shit!!
