Exposing Life's Cruel Irony

This is a continuation of the "Cruel Irony" series.

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That evening, while his wife was in the master bathroom, Royce, dressed only in dark green boxers, saw a corner of a large unsealed red envelope sticking out from under his wife's pillow. Extracting it he noticed his wife's handwriting, "For Royce, my dear husband and lover." Along the bottom was penned "Merry Christmas. As I love you more than words can express."

Opening the card he read, "I hope that you will love the included items. They are merely hints of the depth of the love held within my heart for you. I want to you to know that I would do anything, anything, to express my love and to be all that you desire from me. I love and appreciate you far more than these feeble words could ever express. Forever yours, your lover, Doris."

Five and half weeks before, Royce joined Jeff on a weekend fishing trip. It was during that trip that he learned what he had started to suspect. His wife was having an affair. Still the first words shook and cut him. He dropped down upon the bank. Though his ears heard the words, his mind seemed to shut down. He did not comprehend the remainder of what his son was telling him. His eyes just stared blankly at the far shore for a long time.

When Royce collected his thoughts he told his son that his suspicions were aroused the prior August when Doris had two significant bruises and a fainter one. One bruise with a small cut was on her left breast. There was a rather large distinct bruise on her rear end. The faint bruise was on her cheek just below her left ear. She claimed that she have fallen in the school stairwell while carrying supplies to her classroom. Yet, the bruises did not seem to match the explanation.

Coming home early one Friday afternoon in mid September he caught the tail end of his wife yelling at someone over the phone saying, that "Enough is enough" and that "It will not work anymore. It ends now. If they knew you would be at as great a risk as me. Maybe I should tell them all and get it over with!" After a pause she seemed to be pleading with someone. When she noticed him she said that she was in a fight with the union. She finished with her caller by saying, "I will talk with you when I am not angry. Goodbye!!" Though her explanation seemed plausible, it did not sound like a union matter. Before he had a chance to investigate and to know more before confronting her, he had a heart attack mid afternoon at work.

He awoke late the next morning to find her holding his hand, crying and muttering, "Please don't leave me my love. I do not know what I would do without you."

He remembered having heard earlier that night, in a drug-induced cloud, her crying and pleading, "If you are there God, let him stay with me. My life would be empty without him. I am sorry for not being the wife he deserves. I have only been trying to protect him and the children from my shame. Instead I ended up heaping shame upon shame. If you need to take anyone, take me, not him. I deserve to be struck down. I deserve it. Please spare him."

Even in a drug induced groggy state he knew something was wrong, but he could not find energy to respond. In the days following his mind started to become more active. Overhearing her private cries helped him to put the call she overheard more into context. Though he had pieces, the medication kept his mind from having enough time to reason clearly. Yet, he knew something was not right and he needed to know more.

Yet, he reminded himself not want to jump to conclusions. He learned that lesson in his teens. The time spent recovering allowed him to watch his wife carefully. It also provided ample time to thinking about their relationship and marriage.

Jeff listened to his father say that when he returned home he started to ask, what would be his reaction if he discovered his wife was having an affair? If she was, he knew he would want to know why. He spent hours just thinking about his wife and searching his heart. He would through her out and divorce her. At least that was his initial thought until he recalled Barry and Mandy, neighbors of his family when he was in his teens.

Barry was a teacher at his high school. One Friday evening in June Barry was visiting the husband of one of his colleagues when the phone range. His friend Zack answered the call, then asked Barry to speak to the caller. Shortly after he hung up the phone he took off. Less than fifteen minutes later Mandy called from the movie house to tell him that the movie just let out but that she and her two female friends were stopping at the local A&W Drive In. She would be home closer to midnight than to ten-thirty as he expected. Unfortunately when Zack said Barry was not there Mandy assumed that he had not been there at all that night.

Mandy's was enraged that her husband lied to her. Her conclusion was the same as most people, if he deceived her it was because he had something to hide. As it took less than twenty minutes to drive from one end of town to another and his VW bug had a distinctive paint job she persuaded her friends to help her look for his car. As they passed a row of cheep motels on the edge of town they saw Barry's car driving out of a motel. It appeared that he was with a woman. Mandy had her friend follow his car at a distance. Mandy and her two friends from church watched him stop at the curb in front of a series of row apartments. As they approached and passed Mandy saw a finely dressed high school girl getting out of his car. Her skirt was a little twisted and well ruffled. Mandy recognized the young lady as a sixteen year old girl who was dating a senior from their church. When she exited her husband's car this young woman kissed him on the cheek and looked back at him with a bright smile. She seemed to skip up the walk.

Mandy concluded her husband was not only cheating on her but he seduced a minor. When he got home five minutes after Mandy was in the process of dumping his drawers into garbage bags and boxes. She loudly accused him of having an affair with one of his students. When he denied it she said she knew it conclusively. She yelled at him and he could not get a word out. She screamed that if he had done it with one student he would have done it with others or would do it again unless he was stopped. She informed him that she was divorcing him and would make sure his teaching credentials were nullified.

She informed him that Lisa, one of her friends who also knew, had already called their pastor telling him all about it and demanding that Barry be removed immediately from being a deacon. Mandy stated she was going to call the school principal to report his abuse of authority. As the windows of both homes were open Royce and his parents could hear Mandy screaming at Barry. They caught a good part of what she was saying, including calling him a dirty old pervert. Barry tried to explain that Mandy did not see what she was thought she saw, but Mandy kept cutting him off. She refused to hear Barry's explanations and told him to get his cloths and leave. She screamed that she never wanted to see him again. At some point she picked up a vase and through it as there was the sound of a window breaking.

Looking out his bedroom window Royce saw anger in Barry's face as he exploded out of the driveway and down the street.

Just past two in the morning Royce's family was awoken to flashing lights, the sounds of car doors closing and the knocking upon Mandy and Barry's door. It was the police. They and all their neighbors learned the next morning that Barry had been stabbed in a motel parking lot and was in a poor condition. Apparently, pulling into a motel he noticed a fight and when he tried to break up the fight he was stabbed three times, in the stomach, in chest and in the hand. Mandy refused to go with them saying he was no longer her husband.

The street was awash in stories about what happened the previous night. Mandy added fuel to the stories by saying, "God gave him what the pervert deserved." Lisa came by to help her friend. When neighbors questioned why Mandy was not running to his side Lisa told them that she and Mandy had conclusive proof that Barry was seducing his female students.

The medical staff thought that though the injuries were serious, particularly the one that nicked his heart, that as he was in good physical shape that Barry would recover. He kept mumbling for his wife, but she never came to hold his hand or to whisper words of encouragement. To the medical staff's horror, and to the horror of the high school, early Saturday afternoon Barry passed away, his heart ceased beating. As one nurse said, Barry died because he lost the will to live.

News of Barry's death stunned the town. What stunned them more were the rumors about him seducing high school girls. The paper in the local town published a story on Monday which quoted his wife and fellow deacons as saying, "He was unfaithful to his wife and was seducing minors. God's judgment upon his sins was swift. We should have known something was wrong when he kept urging the church to be more understanding of those outside the faith. We should have judged him earlier and discovered his sinful disgusting behavior. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing." The paper also noted that school had no comment other than that "Barry was an outstanding teacher in the classroom. We are aware of the accusations. We will not make any judgments until our investigation is completed."

Mandy refused to make the funeral arrangements or attend. She did not call his family in northern New Hampshire to give them the news. Nor did she attend the funeral on Tuesday afternoon. Given Lisa's report and Mandy's confirmation of "the truth" about Barry the church in which he served as a deacon refused to conduct the funeral service. Zack and his wife Karen arranged for a minister of a local non-profit to do the service. Royce's parents and Royce who was a sophomore in high school attended. Royce's father said, "Barry needs to be honored in death for his whole life, not for what happened Friday."

Over a two hundred and fifty of Barry's current and former students filled the chapel to overflowing. Fifteen teachers, including the principal acted as ushers and pallbearers. Few from his church attended. The captain spoke of Barry's life as one of service to others, to helping others in need even if when it put his own life at risk. He noted that any words he could say would be dwarfed by words from one of his students. He then invited Erin, the young lady who was seen getting out Barry's car, to the podium. Erin said she spoke to the captain that morning and asked if she could pay tribute. Erin told of his kindness and skill as a teacher. Most of the students nodded when she mentioned that he constantly thought the best of his students and challenged them to move beyond themselves. When she said he was quick to help any of his students without judgment several students shouted "That's right. Not like some others."

Royce paused and looked at his son and said, "What happened next forever shaped my life, how I look at people and respond when they do something wrong." Erin went on to say that Karen had told her female students that if during prom night or after the graduation dance they found themselves in a situation where their driver was intoxicated or their date was forcing or pressuring them to do something that they did not want to do, they could call her at home. She would pick them up and take them home with no questions asked. She would not tell their parents what happened or what the young lady would tell her. She went on to say that when she called Karen's home Karen was already out helping another girl.

Barry thought nothing of coming to her rescue. He rescued her from the motel without judgment or comment. During the drive home Barry affirmed that he would not tell her parents or the school. As he pulled to the curb at her home his last words to her were, "Erin you are a bright young lady. Never sell yourself short. You have a great mind and personality. You can go a long way in life. Never let some guy, no matter how much you feel that you love him, force you to do anything against your will. You have a strong future. Do not let some guy ruin it or you." For that she kissed him and walked to her home feeling that all was well with the world.

Erin finished by saying that she will forever hold Barry as her knight in shinning armor who came to her rescue. She regretted that his wife and her friends destroyed Barry's life and reputation.

Then she said something that was so profound that the weekly paper's editorial spoke about the significance of her statement for so many things in life. "I was bitter and angry at Barry's wife. But after speaking with the Captain I decided I would not judge Barry's wife and her heart. I agree with him that I cannot do so and if I did so I would be repeating her error. I have faulty knowledge and information. The captain reminded me that too often in life there can be a wide difference between our perceptions and reality. What we often perceive as being truth is only a shadow of the fuller picture. I hope that you will join me and vowing to remember the painful lessons of what can happen when we forget reality can be far different than our unchecked perceptions."

Chocking with tears Royce told his son that while recovering he reaffirmed the vow he took at the funeral. He carefully explained how that vow was challenged more severely than ever. He needed to know much more about his wife and what is happened before he would make any decisions. He explained that his wife has a kind and loving heart. Jeff agreed that she has been a loving and caring wife, and that she was steadfastly at his side during his illness. Royce reminded his son that all people stumble from time to time, and she too needed to be given a chance to redeem herself. Royce said he want to give Doris that chance if it is still possible. Yet Royce also added, there would be moments of doubt and he would have to give them voice and work through them.

Jeff nodded his head and asked what happened to Mandy and her friends. When the story of Barry coming to Erin's rescue came to light there was uproar in the community against Mandy and her friends. The pastor of their church and all but one of his fellow deacons who attended the funeral were criticized for their judgmental spirit. Mandy was found days later in a fetal position at home muttering over and over again, "I killed my husband. How can God forgive me?"

When several families in the church called for the pastor to account for his actions, he responded that he made the correct decision based upon what he knew. He faulted Mandy who was then hospitalized for providing "Hysterical and incomplete information." Within a month over half the families left the congregation left since they felt that their pastor acted more like a judge and politician rather than a pastor. Royce reminded his son that Doris wife was by his side almost constantly, visiting him before going to school, arriving within 30 minutes of school ending and staying as long as the nurses would allow, her touches all indicated that she loved him. At home she looked after him with great care, watched his diet and medication carefully, and made sure that he was completing all his physiotherapy. Royce knew words of love could be empty if not coupled with actions. He told his son that if anything, actions spoke with greater meaning than words as words spoken from a deceitful heart can be empty. But a deceitful heart has great difficulty faking every day love in action. He only needed to look across the street at Vince to see a disconnect between words and actions. While others may not have seen it, he did which may be one of the reasons Vince had become more hostile toward Royce in the last six years. He told his son, that what he saw from Doris day after day during his recovery was only love.

The second week after returning from the hospital Royce began to suspect that if the telephone call was part of the affair that his wife was caught in some type of affair against her wishes. It was clear that she still loved him passionately but somehow she felt that she was now protecting him. She was trapped and it would have to be something big he concluded. He could not imagine the threat but she must have felt it to real. Now he understood really how big it was.

Jeff nodded and added, "I remember learning in Cub Scouts that animal mothers will do anything including surrendering themselves to harm to protect their young. I guess even human mothers like mom do that too even if it is irrational."

Royce had not thought of it in those terms but he agreed that type of instinct could be a factor. He finished by saying, "You know there will be friends who think I am soft and lack backbone by taking her back and attempting to redeem my marriage. This is America, and all are free to hold their opinion even if it is a false one. I love her and I have too much invested to walk away without seeing if my marriage to your mother could be saved."

Trying to complement his father Jeff said, "It takes greater depth of character to make the effort than it does to just walk away."

"I would not put it in those terms son. Each man and woman has their own tolerance for pain, their own level of love and ability to forgive. Sometimes it may take more character to walk away instead of tolerating the situation. Sometimes one will just have to throw the cheating spouse out because they see the marriage as unsalvageable. I will not fault such individuals or judge their marriage. My focus has to remain upon mine, not the marriages of others."

Later that day when his son sketched for him what the report revealed, Royce broke down and cried. There was anger at Doris for getting herself in such a situation and for how long it had been going on. Though earlier Royce said he would redeem his marriage, he began to have doubts. To help him through this moment of doubt Jeff asked his father a question, "If Mom told you before I was born, would I have you as my father today?"

Royce did not know how to answer Jeff. He suspected he would have left her. Royce would have missed out on so many frustrations of parenting him but he would have missed all the overwhelming joys too.

He told his son that he was hurt that she did not trust him enough to tell him the truth before it really got bad. Royce was pushed to look at a different direction when Jeff asked "Have you ever cheated on Mom?"

Royce knew that twelve years before he became infatuated with a temp who was covering while his secretary was on maternity leave. During a conference at which she helped to staff a booth she talked about how lonely she was with her submariner husband of two years being off on a 7 month deployment. Late on the last night after a long meal and three bottles of wine she invited him into her room when he escorted her to her room. He almost accepted but did not. He knew he came close and if he had slipped, he doubted he would have quickly confessed anything to Doris.

The next day and after a fitful sleep Royce learned more of the details. Royce found himself crying internally for his wife. There was still anger and disappointment, but compassion and love was coupled with it as well. His son's questions kept him from turning inward upon his pain and helped him to keep his vow to Barry.

He wanted to just hold his wife and draw from her the pain she must be experiencing. She had carried this haunting burden alone all these years. When he again said he wished she had told him when Jeff was born, Jeff responded with the same questions and made his point by restating them in a different way. "In all honesty dad, what would you have done if you were in the same position?" and "If you even had an affair twenty years ago would you have been secure enough in your marriage to have told your wife? What about in the last two years?" Royce would like to think he would tell Doris today. If he did it would only after much thinking. He clearly would not have told her twenty years ago. He would have thought the risk was too great.