On Sunday morning I woke up in my own bed, my sister curled around my arm, with an erection and a headache. I immediately regretted waking up. I had a need for sleep like I'd never felt. I had been on and off, awake and asleep all night long. Lucy often helped me sleep better. I didn't have so many nightmares with her, even if my dreams were still loud and continuous. My brain was filled with the idle hum of them now, as I opened my groggy eyes. I'd slept with my contacts in, even if I'd only slept maybe three hours total. My arms were cold, except where Lucy was hugging me. That felt so warm and perfect.
I thought of Mantis, from Guardians Vol. 2, helping Ego the Living Planet sleep at night. I wasn't thinking of my spawn across the universe, but I sure could use an Empath. Yeah, right, like that's ever gonna happen.
I tried not to wake up my sister... Turned over, slipped my arm from her hands and covered her in the comforter. She and I had never gotten naked last night, we didn't need to. I'd held her and she'd held me and that was just enough. So simple. My hands braced against mattress and I lifted myself up, onto the hardwood floor of my bedroom. It was a simple room, a light grey paint and light birch floors and few furnishings. In the corner, I had a rack for my clothes since I'd knocked out the closet in here and added a sink instead. There was the bed, two nightstands, and a tool chest in the corner.
It was cherry red, with silver bearings and handles, on wheels. Inside, all of the toys I'd collected in the past year. Special imports, regular vibes, beads, shackles, a riding crop, a slew of other objects of my attention. I had worked very hard to make it surprising, fun. I had only used a few of those devices on my beautful sister, most of the others I'd appropriated with Jadzia in mind. If I couldn't find it, I designed it, there was a point welder and scrap metal in the shed, since I couldn't keep them inside.
I left my bedroom in a quiet stride, hands finding my pockets. I was dressed in a pair of sweatpants, socks, no shirt. It was so damned hot in here! I found the thermostat in the dark, turned it down from seventy-eight. It was humid, too, that's what was killing me. The kitchen had a dimmer switch, thank god, and I only barely turned the lights on, going to the coffee pot on the counter. I put in a filter and poured in a Costa Rican mix from the bag.
While it brewed, I sat and put my head in my hands. Five, maybe six am. Too early to even make breakfast. Lucy would appreciate me making some bacon, pancakes, bringing her a tray with a smile and a kiss. And afterwards we could maybe make out and watch an old Indiana Jones movie. Our mother spent her weekends in Vegas. Not because she couldn't have stayed here.
My hands found the salt shaker on the table, the pepper shaker in my other hand. They were so starkly different in color. They reminded me of-
No.
God. I needed some air. I could've walked to China right then, if there was a road to take me all the way. I stared at the shakers, then I grabbed them in one hand and squeezed. I fucking squeezed until I could feel my hands bleed and the glass really getting in there and the salt burning and god was staring at me, and god was the pepper shaker, and he was shaking his head at me, throwing a tantrum in the kitchen, alone.
My hand needed stitches so we went to the Hospital. The ER was surprisingly full this early on a Sunday. They got me in pretty fast, a nurse pulled out the glass with tweezers while my other hand was limp at my side. Lucy was talking to a Doctor in the other room, I could hear them just outside the door, whispering. My hand really didn't hurt that bad, I tried to tell the nurse, but all I managed was a sharp intake of breath.
