Envy

Paul's eyes widened, looking over at his girlfriend. She wrapped the sheet around her small frame and sighed gently, shaking her head. Ralph was gay? Since when did that happen -he really didn't seem like he was gay. And now he just took his girlfriend more roughly than he had ever before because of his damn jealous streak, sure they had rough sex, but that was different.

He couldn't control his mouth; the corners turned up slightly, "Ralph's gay?"

Lindsey pulled away when he reached out for her, "Don't touch me." she spat, "I told you to never lay your hands on me out of anger, and-"

"You fucking slapped me, Linds!" Paul drew his brows together, sitting up, "And how come you didn't tell me? You know I don't like other guys even looking at you anyways!"

Lindsey shook her head again, rising from their bed and pulling on a pair of jeans, "Because it wasn't my business to tell, Paul." she sighed, "I know it might be hard for you to believe, but some things, I don't tell you."

Paul stood, pulling on his boxers, "Like what? All the guys you fuck behind my back?" he mumbled.

Lindsey turned to face him, tears in her eyes, "Stop! Stop accusing me of cheating on you all the time! I'm not cheating on you, so fucking get over yourself!" she gritted through her teeth, "Why are you so suspicious? Are you cheating on me?"

"Of course not." Paul defended.

"Because it wouldn't be the first time you cheated on someone." Lindsey said quietly, after a few moments.

Paul nodded his head, scoffing at his girlfriend. She always knew what to say to make him feel like a piece of shit. Always. She put him in his place when he needed to be put there and that was probably why he loved her so much. But now he watched her dumbly, as she finished dressing and gave him one last look, her blue eyes saddened.

"So you're leaving then?" he asked as she pulled her purse strap over her shoulder and started searching for her keys.

"Im leaving." Lindsey confirmed.

"Are you coming back?"

Lindsey looked back at Paul and sighed gently, biting her bottom lip. She walked to Paul and put her small hands on his shoulders, and kissed his jaw gently, "I cant keep riding this rollercoaster, Paul." she whispered, "I cant keep walking on eggshells. I love you, but I just cant."

~*~*~

Paul wasn't sure how many beers he chugged down, but he was definitely sure it was more than he probably should have had. But he didn't give a fuck, Lindsey left him, not he had no one. Back to square one. The bar was kind of packed, and really didn't help his mood, trying to block out other drunken patrons yelling about the game. He shifted on his barstool, taking a big gulp out of his longneck bottle and grunted, pushing hair out of his face.

The edges of his vision were getting kind of fuzzy and it looked like he was watching a movie, as he stared at the bartended, mixing drinking and laughing at something one of the patrons said. He was way over his limit -he should have stopped about three beers and a shot of whiskey ago. But again, he didn't give a fuck because the only thing that ever made sense in his life -the only thing he ever cared about or loved, was gone. And it was all his fucking fault.

He always accused her of cheating on him, and it was wrong to do that to her, he knew that. He knew that she wouldn't cheat on him, and he wasn't cheating on her, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of his mind, reminding him that Karma is a bitch. Before Lindsey, he wasn't exactly Mr. Fidelity, and had no regard to the theory of a relationship. But when Lindsey came along, all he saw was her. All he needed was her. Then he fucked it up.

And how was he suppose to know that Ralph was fucking gay? Lindsey never told him, and Ralph wasn't exactly obviously flaming homosexual. He just wasn't the type of guy you look at, talk to for a little bit and go 'hey, I think he's gay.' but maybe he was obviously gay, and Paul's 'gaydar' was really out of whack because Paul had a tendency to have blinders on when it came to Lindsey and other men. Paul sighed heavily. He hated when his mind ran away with him when he was drunk.

"Why so lonely, sailor?" a cool feminine voice purred next to him.

Paul's eyebrows rose, looking over to a scantily dressed blond. She had blue eyes that sparkled with mischief. She wasn't as pretty as Lindsey, but still pretty enough to get noticed. "Girlfriend left." he grunted, finishing off his beer.

"Aw, poor baby." she cooed lowly in his ear. Paul felt her hand slide across his shoulders, running her fingers lightly through his hair. "I can make it better." she whispered hotly against his ear.

Paul didn't know what was coming over him, but he turned on his stool, grabbing the blond by the small of her back and pressed her tightly against him, "You think you can?" he asked, knowing his breath reeked of alcohol, but she obviously didn't give a shit either.

"I'm Fiona." she said quietly, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"Paul." he replied, slapping some money on the bar for the bartender, then stood on his feet, swaying slightly. He shouldn't have gotten up so fast. "Wanna 'et outta 'ere?" he slurred slightly, blinking a few times to clear his vision.

Fiona rose her brows, "Are you up to it?" she asked suggestively, licking her lips, "You are awfully cute."

Paul made a drunken 'pfft' sound, drawing his brows together sharply, "I'm fuckin up ta' it . You better 'et ready."

Fiona giggled annoyingly and slid her hand into his, standing on her tip toes to kiss him. Paul jerked back slightly, shaking his head. "Um..." she was uncomfortable, he could tell. She took away her hand and looked to the floor.

"Sorry." Paul grunted, swinging his arm over her shoulder, "I don' kiss on the mouth."

Fiona had suggested they go to his place, but he couldn't take a random girl from the bar to his apartment that he shared with Lindsey. He couldn't do that to her. It wouldn't be fair. So they went to her place instead. Normally, Paul would take in his surroundings and see where he was at, but in his drunken state...his drunken and self-pitying asshole state, he didn't care. All he cared about was trying to forget about the past forty-eight hours.

Compared to Lindsey, Fiona's hands were impersonal and cold. Sure, the blond knew how to touch and where to grope, but every single second was making him feel dirty. Fiona gripped his shoulders and kissed his throat, licking and sucking while he pressed himself against her hard, groping at her breasts carelessly and cursing under his breath. She was moaning and shivering, although he couldn't tell from what. He wasn't exactly giving it his best, and on top of that, her moans were sounding an awfully like the cheesy porno's from the eighties.

Paul sighed heavily, tugging at Fiona's shirt, and tossing it somewhere on the floor, then her short skirt, so she was only left in her undergarments. She had a good body, but again, he couldn't help but compare it to Lindsey's. Paul grunted, tugging Fiona's thong off and started working his way down from her breasts to her legs with his mouth, sloppily. Fuck Lindsey. She always wanted so much from him, and no matter what he did, it wasn't good enough.

As Paul feasted, making Fiona arch her back and dig her fingers heavily into his hair, he willed himself not to think of Lindsey anymore, and focus on getting laid. He couldn't help but notice that this blond had definitely been around a few times, considering she wasn't as tight as Lindsey, when he slipped his fingers inside her wet channel. Fuck. There, again, she was invading his mind.

"Oh god, please fuck me!" Fiona cried, clawing obnoxiously at his back.

Paul nodded, now in what he could only describe as some kind of weird, trancelike state. Everything was so surreal. It couldn't be happening. Were he and Lindsey still together? Was he about to cheat on the only person that ever meant anything to him? Paul panted heavily, but it wasn't from Fiona deep throating him like a champ at the moment. He looked down, grabbing a handful of her hair, and grunted. Okay, so maybe it was a little from that. This girl could blow. God, any longer and he was going to spill all down her dirty little throat.

Paul couldn't help but smirk, taking control of her movements with his hand. He fucked her mouth slow and deep, giving her a little more than she could take, but oh well. Fiona groaned around his cock and gripped at his hips, happily accepting him down her throat. Paul had to admit, she really was a champ -he wasn't exactly your average size guy, when it came to his cock- he was thick and long, and damn fucking proud.

Everything was a blur. One moment, the girl had her filthy lips wrapped around his cock, the next, she pushed him on his back and straddled him, running her nails up and down his chest and abdomen. Fiona rubbed her slick core against his erection and chuckled seductively when Paul responded, bucking his hips up against her more.

But it was only when Fiona took his member in her hand, then got ready to slide down onto him, when he froze and gripped her hips tightly. All he could see right then were pale blue eyes. His Lindsey's pale blue eyes filled with tears when she left that morning. She said that she couldn't do it anymore. He fucked up. He fucked up royally. And now he was going to let three years go down the toilet like that? Lindsey was the best thing that ever happened to him -she saved him.

"I cant." Paul ground out, pushing Fiona away.

"What?" she snapped, landing less than gracefully on her bed, "What do you mean, you cant?" she had obviously never been rejected and was very upset.

By now, Paul was pulling on his clothes and searching around for his car keys. It wasn't the best idea to drive while he was still a little drunk, but he wasn't thinking about that. The only thing on his mind was getting out of there as fast as he could. His shirt was wrinkled and he couldn't find his belt, and he would have to take a two hour shower to get Fiona's reeking perfume off his body.

"I just cant." Paul mumbled, walking out the door.