Entry Into Recovery Phase 01

This is the first submission I've received from a woman currently in treatment with our staff to fulfill some of her sexual desires, and in doing so awaken her repressed sexuality. It is common practice with our organization to have new participants submit stories when we become aware of a repressed sexual urge, as it is one of the best ways to see into their needs.

The following is one such submission, from an older patient I have recently begun corresponding with. As it was particularly stimulating I decided to submit it to this site, and see how she responds when I tell her that's what I've done. Anyway, the premise of the story arose when she stated in an email she looked forward to me teaching her to embrace her own sexual desires. Enjoy!

I was in a bitch of a mood. It was 3:15 in the afternoon, and the school was already pretty much deserted. All the other kids had shot out of here the second the dismissal bell rang, and most of the teachers weren't far behind them. I had plenty to do outside of that building, what with chores, homework, taking care of my younger sisters...but there I was, walking --stomping, almost -- down an empty, echoing, dingy hallway to have a conference with my health teacher.

Health! Of all the freaking classes to have to get tutoring or do makeup work in. I could understand if I'd slipped in Calculus or English or Physics, but health?! I have better things to do than answer questions in a book chapter about facts I had known since way before puberty, or worse, sit there and listen to a bunch of airheaded little skirts sit there and ask questions about facts I had known since way before puberty. And then there were the boys, either acting like horny little toads and laughing like hyenas at the very mention of any body part, or sitting there in agony, trying to be invisible and sweat out the hour with glaring hard-ons. I was REALLY glad Craig wasn't in that class with me. It wasn't as if he was capable of talking about much other than sex outside in the world, let alone in health class.

I didn't know how Mr. Jameson managed to keep it together every day with our class, especially on this topic, without throttling someone. No matter how maddeningly uninformed or juvenile or crude any of the kids were, he always gave an answer that made it sound like he was really listening and like the kid was actually onto something. (He hadn't even lost it the first day of class, when Bryce Healy made some sort of penis-related remark about his last name.) . I don't think any other teacher could have pulled it off. He was just a nice guy, a real guy, and I always had the feeling he liked me. That's probably another reason why I let my grade slide in that class rather than any other. But I also couldn't help liking the fact that even if he did like me enough to be inclined to go easy and inflate my grade a little, he didn't let me get away with anything. I was almost a little ashamed of letting him down. Almost.

I reached Mr. Jameson's classroom and poked my head in the open door. He was sitting at his desk grading papers, and I hoped for a second that he hadn't gotten to mine yet. He looked up with a calm smile -- not a fakey teacher type of smile, but like he was glad to see me.

"Come on in, Mya," he said with a small gesture of his hand.

I forced myself to look surly. I was going to have to go to the mat if I wanted to fight him on this. I slumped into the room and sat in the chair he had set next to his own by his desk. He entered a grade into his gradebook, then set it and the papers aside and faced me. He looked right into my eyes as he leaned back in his chair and put his elbows on the arms of the chair, in a very casual and disarming manner. He stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed one foot over the other. I looked him over quickly in his white shirt with rolled up sleeves, dress pants, blue tie. He was rather handsome, really. He wasn't wearing a wedding ring, but I wondered whether he had a girlfriend, and then mentally bopped myself on the head for letting myself get distracted. I didn't speak first. I wasn't going to make this easy on him and I was ready to play defense.

He waited for a few moments, then broke the silence himself, not looking uncomfortable about it in the slightest.

"So...how are you?

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

He nodded. "Good...and?"

I looked at him quizzically. "And?"

"What is it that you'd like to accomplish today?"

Oh, crap, give me a break. I want to accomplish not losing my scholarship because I slacked off in fucking health class and it's pulling down my G.P.A. I took a breath and could feel my heart starting to pound, though I wasn't quite sure why.

"Well, I think you know...I need to bring up my health grade." I didn't mention the scholarship. Let him just think I'm being a good student.

He nodded. "I'm sure we can make that happen. You've done really well all year, just the last month or two you've seemed to be having a little trouble." He picked his gradebook back up and flipped through a few pages. "A lot of missed homework. If the quizzes and test are any indication, you haven't been keeping up with the reading....and you've been something of a ghost in class." He didn't say this unkindly, but my stomach lurched as he said it. He back at me.

"Yeah."

"Well, I think we could take some steps right now to make sure your final grade isn't affected. You'll need to catch up on your reading and submit reports on the chapters you've missed, and get in all the homework that wasn't turned in. I can probably give you some extra credit if you give a presentation to the class about your volunteer work in the hospital. And you'll have to ace the rest of the tests. Do you think that's doable?"

I sighed rather petulantly. "Yes, I can do it, that's not the problem."

He waited for me to elaborate, which of course I didn't, and then sat up and leaned forward , closer to me, with his elbows on his knees. He kept looking straight at me as he patiently asked, "What problem are you thinking of?"

My heart was racing now and I was gritting my teeth, even starting to sweat a little. There was no way he would understand, but I was afraid I was going to lose it if he didn't stop looking at me like that and I was fighting now, not with him to get out of the extra work, but myself so I didn't give him an earful of what I thought of his stupid curriculum.

Another sigh. "The problem is that it's a pointless waste of time."

He didn't bristle one bit. "What makes you say that?" I didn't know what was getting me more worked up, the fact that I was trapped in this situation or the fact that he wasn't even being a bastard about it so I could blame and hate him.

"Because I already know about all that stuff and I SO don't care!" I blurted out, and before I knew it, there they were. Tears. Frustration, confusion, impatience, self-pity...all my favorite demons, just spewing out.

Mr. Jameson got up and at first I thought he was going to get someone else to deal with this girl who had gotten so emotional at the prospect of doing extra work on the topic of human sexuality, but instead he just quickly and quietly closed the door and returned to me. He scooted his chair a little closer, slid a box of tissues toward me, and put a steadying hand on my knee while I blubbered like an idiot.

"I'll do the work, can I please just go?" I whined.

"Let's get you calmed down first. It's all right, relax. I won't push you, and I won't tell anyone. Are you ok?"

I cried harder. "What do you think?"

He laughed softly and slid his chair even closer, and before I knew it his arm was around me and I was burying my head in his chest. "I'm sorry," I said unconvincingly as my tears dampened his shirt. I could feel his stubble against my forehead, the soft rise and fall of his breathing, his fingers lightly and protectively stroking my shoulders. He smelled clean and comforting and also slightly exotic. Very...masculine.

He said, "It's all right, take your time," and I did. It felt like hours that I leaned into him sobbing. I was sure he probably wanted to get the hell away from me as fast as possible, but he just sat right there like there was no one else in the world but the two of us. He didn't push me away or pull me closer, just was right exactly where I needed him to be. When I finally calmed down and used a few tissues, he put a finger under my chin, lifted my face, and said, "Mya, what's this all about now?"

"I don't know."

"Sure you do...now let's just take it easy and talk, ok? Forget the points, forget the homework for now. I have the feeling that even if I told you that you were sure to get an A without doing any of that, you'd still be miserable in my class right now, and I'd like to know why."

"I told you. I already know this stuff and it's a stupid waste of time. I know how my menstrual cycle works, all right? I know where babies come from. I know what happens in a guy's pants when he gets worked up. It doesn't need to be reviewed! I'll remember it when the time comes when I want to have a baby, ok? If Craig doesn't fucking wear me down first." I felt startled that I had cursed but he didn't seem to bat an eye.

"Mya, is that really how you feel about sex? That it's just for reproduction?"

"No, not just that. It's pleasurable, right? For some people. Guys, mainly, and they'll put you through any kind of manipulation or pressure to get it. They have tiresome, childish one-track minds and I don't feel like dealing with any of it anymore!"

He paused and leaned back so he could look in my eyes. I forced myself not to look away. "Have you had sex yet, Mya?"

I was a little thrown by the matter-of-fact way he said it, but if we had gone this far, I was ready to keep going. "Yes, I have. I lost my v-card last year."

"Eric?"

Now I was REALLY thrown. I nearly fell off the chair. "How could you possibly know that?"

"Oh, I used to see you two together all the time last year. I don't think I saw you two together once when he wasn't finding some way to grope you."

I laughed a little. It was the truth. Craig was suffering for Eric's behavior now.

"I take it that Eric had something to do with how you're feeling about our current subject matter?"

I shook my head --not contradicting him, just in exasperation. "Guys do not care if you worry about diseases or getting pregnant or if it hurts, as long as they get to do you."

Mr. Jameson moved his chair a little so we were facing each other. He took my hand in both of his.

"You know, you might not be aware of this right now, Mya, but it really doesn't have to be like that. All guys aren't like that. It can actually feel good and bring two people closer together."

I shrugged again. He laughed.

"Now don't do that," he said. "That's one of the things I'm trying to get across in class, to the kids who aren't as factually knowledgeable as you are, and to ones like you who are. Sexuality is a really complex and incredible thing. It's part of who we are as human beings and it's a way of expressing yourself that is absolutely like no other. No matter how much you think you know about what's called what, and what goes where, it never ceases to be amazing and you never learn everything there is to know about it. And that's a good thing. It's a fringe benefit of just being alive."

I was dumbstruck. I'd never heard a teacher talk about anything like that, let alone sex. I was still skeptical though. Another sigh. "I just don't know if it's worth it. A lot of scariness and trouble for a couple of minutes of orgasm."

"Want to bet?"

This dude was really turning out to be a shocker! And to be honest he was really starting to do a number on me. I was a living cliché --dry mouth, sweaty palms, and there was no mistaking something else going on, particularly between my legs. I was having these waves of tingling pleasure surge through me, focused on my sex. It felt like I was dripping something into my panties. I was squirming and rubbing myself against the chair a little. And Mr. Jameson...I couldn't stop breathing in his scent, couldn't stop looking at him, and not just at his eyes either. I looked at his muscular arms under the teasingly light covering of his dress shirt, at the shape of his long legs, at the strong hands cupped around my own. We looked intently at each other for a moment. Then I gulped hard and before I knew it, I was whispering, "Show me!"

His arms were around my waist in an instant and he was pulling me up close to him. He held me like that for a few seconds, his palms pressing into the small of my back, pushing my hips into his, and then his mouth was on mine. The waves I was feeling grew extremely intense and I let my hands explore his back, the back of his neck, his face. His tongue was gliding easily around my mouth, and he nibbled at my lower lip. He ran his tongue along my ear, then down my neck to finish with a quick little bite right above my collarbone, and I gasped and went a little limp in his arms.

He scooped me up -- it felt like I was flying -- and with his arms wrapped tightly around me and the most seductive smile I've ever seen, and carried me to the back of the room, where there was a small storage closet. He flipped me around so he was holding me straddling him, and held me up with one arm as he used the other to open the closet door. In a second we were whirling into the room and he locked the door behind us. It was dark and cool and quiet in there; it smelled like him. He pulled some of the exercise mats down from a shelf and tossed them on the floor. Holding me up high, he kissed my neck, and set me on top of a small table, and then his hands were on my breasts.

My body was going crazy. I had never felt anything like this in my life, not with Craig, not with Eric, not even by myself. There was a heat spreading all over but getting seriously intense between my legs. His hands were strong and purposeful in their movement but also tender. I knew I was experiencing the most erotic moment of my life so far, and I was going to remember it forever. I was kissing him back hard now, not really knowing what the hell I was doing but loving just exploring his mouth, his neck...I unbuttoned his shirt and pressed my chest against his, and before I knew it my shirt was over my head and he had snapped my bra off with one hand. He kept smiling at me, and he'd ask, "Do you like this?" when he touched me and I'd smile back and say yes, because I did like it. He slid out of his shirt, unclasped his belt and unbuttoned his pants, and then mine, and then he swept me down onto the mats. The feel of the soft cool mat underneath me and his warm, firm body on top of me made me dizzy.

I got a little scared when he reached down into my panties, embarrassed at being so excited and wet and not knowing what to do next, but he just smiled as he massaged my sex and slowly started inserting one finger, then two, rubbing the inside of me. "You're beautiful. You feel so beautiful," he murmured in my ear, and then pulled out his hand, slid the fingers that had been inside me into his mouth, and said, "And you taste beautiful too. Are you ready?"

I was for sure. He slid off my jeans and my panties and it felt so strange to be naked in front of him. He looked me up and down like I was some kind of fucking treasure, and then was out of his pants. He didn't rush, even though I could have rushed him if he'd let me, because I was starting to ache so badly for him it was hard to hold out. We lay together kissing, and he let me look closely and touch his penis and his balls. I was fascinated at how it strained and glistened with precum. Finally I grasped his cock and began to run my hand gently up and down, and he started moaning. His mouth moved from one nipple to the other, sucking and tonguing and biting and teasing and when he sensed I was getting close to the brink, he laughed softly and reached over to his pants, retrieving a condom from his wallet. I watched him put it on...I had seen Eric do this, but Mr. Jameson looked so sexy holding himself and squeezing his penis into that tight rubber. He lay over me and started to slide himself inside my vagina. I was tight, but this time it didn't hurt. I relaxed and opened my mouth to his tongue and felt us turn into one being. He grasped my butt and pulled me to him every time he thrusted, and the friction and heat and wetness of him being inside me became more than I could take.

It was the first time I had ever had an orgasm with another person. He saw that I was cumming and squeezed me tightly, one arm around my waist and hips and the older softly cradling the back of my head, kissing me all over my face, ears, and neck. I bucked and moaned until I had exhausted myself completely, and then it was his turn...I could feel his cock flexing as he came and he clutched my skin, breathing hard, looking gorgeous.

Spent, we lay there for a few minutes in each other's arms. I felt so safe and so satisfied. He'd been right. I'd been ridiculous to judge sex the way I had on so little experience, and the path to a whole new kind of life started unfurling before me like a luxurious red carpet.

It was getting late; the sky was starting to turn pink. I knew I'd better get home. We dressed and chatted and he hugged me close to him. "You see what I was talking about now?"

I smiled broadly. "Oh yes."

He chuckled. "Why don't you head out first, so if anyone passed the classroom door they won't see us coming out of the storage closet together."

I nodded. We kissed, tenderly, but still charged by what had just happened. "Bye," I whispered and turned to leave the closet. Just as I was about to open the door, he said, "Mya?"

I turned back to him. "Yes?"

"Same time tomorrow to start going over those assignments."

That was a good, good walk home.