J was the first. We met up at a coffee shop near my office and I envied him his calmness.
Me, I was nervous as hell. I mean, we'd talked about this before we arrived and he'd reassured me it would be fine but still, this was a whole new experience for me.
We'd met on an internet site, I'd joined at the recommendation of a friend having spent an entire evening complaining that the only men I met in real life were creeps and weirdos.
J had apparently joined for similar reasons, and, having similar tastes in music, and both of us having hectic work lives which prevented any kind of meaningful full time relationship, we'd decided to give it a go and see what happened.
I walked into the coffee shop and he caught my eye, beckoning from a seat in the corner. His hair was tinged with grey and he was slimmer than I expected, but otherwise he looked pretty much like his profile picture. Having heard nightmare stories of people using old or completely faked pictures, I was impressed.
We ordered coffee and began to talk, his voice was calm, not too deep, and he was well spoken without sounding too "posh". I, on the other hand was manic, nerves and caffeine getting the better of me and causing me to talk too much and too quickly, plus I'd been up working til 6am and sleep deprivation always makes me over talkative.
The conversation was easy but awkward at the same time, it flowed, there were no awful silences, but we both knew we were there to take the measure of the other and see if we wanted to go any further, which put an unnatural pressure on the situation.
2pm came around too quickly, and with it, the end of my lunch break and our allotted hour. We left the cafe and had that uncomfortable "do we kiss?" moment outside, settling for a kiss on each cheek, before saying goodbye, and that, I thought, would be the end of it.
I was wrong...
Two days later we arranged to meet again.
He'd suggested I come to his for lunch this time, on the understanding that if we both wanted to, there would be the opportunity to play later. I wanted to, I really did, but I'd never done this before and my nerves were getting the better of me.