For a while, I really believed I fancied Emma. At least, I thought I liked her enough that I would want to date her. I'd lay awake at night, thinking of her and the way she giggled softly at my jokes, never seeming to appreciate them much or find them really funny. Nevertheless, humoring me and trying to please, just like she did with everyone else. I would close my eyes and picture her small, delicate hand tucking a long streak of blond hair behind the ear, her forehead frowning in puzzlement or dismay. She has had the softest of voices, often prompting her conversationalist either to lean closer as it was barely audible or ask her to repeat herself.
She lived in an old Victorian house across the street from our family home. The house was owned by my father and was filled with the students from the nearby college. The rent was fairly steep, but the house was big and beautiful, allowing seven students to practically have their own flats, sharing only a big kitchen. If something were amiss my father would send me over to fix it for them.
At first I hated the job. I had no time to mess around someone else's living quarters, being a student myself and needing every spare moment for the studies. But once Emma moved in, I didn't mind it much anymore. She was kind and gentle girl, always a bit of a loner, not really making friends with anybody who lived in the house, not even me. Always courteous, she would make certain there was distance between her and the rest of the world, devoting all her time to the books and her little Chihuahua dog, Angelique.
From time to time I would bump into her at college and she would smile and greet me warmly, only to hurry away, preventing me to involve her in conversation beyond "Hello, how are you?"
I asked her to a party once and she heatedly declined, using the all too transparent of an excuse of having to study. A few weeks later I drove past her on my way home from a class and offered her a ride, but she refused that, too.
Slowly, my liking of her turned into annoyance. She appeared to be a snob, believing nobody was good enough for her, or so I thought. I had girlfriends aplenty, but it was her I really wanted and she clearly didn't like what I had to offer. To her, I was probably nothing more than a janitor, someone who desperately tried to attract her attention, and for whom she didn't have a minute to spare.
Christmas time came and I knew that everyone in the rented house had left to visit his or her family. Everyone that is, but Emma. She and her blasted dog were the only ones left, and I was more than pissed off when I had to walk over there on one particularly bitterly cold evening to fix the furnace in the cellar. I was late for a party and didn't feel like dirtying myself with ashes.
High and mighty Emma didn't even have the decency to come down and tell me what was wrong. She simply explained everything to my dad over the phone and I was instructed on what to do. I saw to it that she had heat in the house and just as I was about to leave the cellar, an idea came over me, something I've never entertained before, not even in my wildest sexual fantasies late at night, when I lay in my bed, wanking off furiously, thinking of Emma or some other girl that took my fancy.
I decided to return to the house late at night after the party and just watch her sleep. Even though I was furious, she was a beautiful girl and despite having lost all hope of ever dating her, I still enjoyed looking at her face. I read somewhere that a sleeping person is at its most innocent, or maybe it was vulnerable. Whatever the case may be, I wanted to see her when she wasn't hiding her true self from me. I walked over to the small window in the corner of the cellar, which was big enough to allow a person to enter from the backyard and quickly checked the cellar door, making sure Emma was nowhere near to spot me. I unlocked the window, opened it and then closed it again, leaving it unbolted.
"All done, Emma!" I yelled up the stairs as I had finally left the cellar. I waited for a minute and after a few uncomfortable moments, she finally replied, thanking me for my trouble and bidding me goodnight.
I was still shaking my head as I exited the house. She proved to be more and more bitchy by the day. Now, years later, I can understand her reluctance to make friends with the world, but at the time, I was young and foolish, all I knew was that there was fun to be had and parties to attend to. I never cared enough to find out why she kept isolating herself from everybody.
The party that I went to proved to be somewhat of a disappointment. Very few of my friends showed up and I was in a pissy mood all evening. I had a few beers but even that didn't satisfy me and unlike other times I stopped drinking before I got intoxicated. I kept thinking of Emma and how I would avoid her being alarmed by the inevitable barking of her pet rat. Truth to be told, that dog didn't make much noise, but one never knows with animals. When least expected, they could make a ruckus and spoil one's plans, to say the least.
I left early, telling my best friend Brian that I had a late night date, trying to make an alibi for myself should the trouble ensue and I found myself in a tight spot. I drove through the countryside, avoiding the pubs that were my usual haunts, finally arriving in Reading well after midnight. I noticed that I was trembling all over and it wasn't just due to the cold. I was nervous and excited both at the same time.
Why I thought seeing her asleep was such a good idea, I couldn't tell. Not then, not now. I believe I just wanted to be close to her when she wasn't on guard, seeing her like she most certainly wouldn't want me to see her. It would be my personal revenge, I thought. At the same time, I tried to come up with an excuse in case she did catch me in the house and the best I could think of was that I came to make sure the furnace was still in a working order. Even now, I still break out into a sweat just thinking of how foolish I had been and what sorts of trouble I could have gotten myself into had the things gone wrong. Even though I wasn't truly drunk, I think the little alcohol that was in my system had boosted my courage, as I seriously doubted I would have gone through with the spying thing if I were stone cold sober.
I parked the car at the end of the street, making certain that she couldn't have heard or seen me coming home. Ever so quietly, I slipped into the alley behind the house and quickly checked to see if there were any signs of life in my own home. Apart from the small light above the front door, it seemed my parents were sound asleep and I was grateful for that. Now, I only had to worry about Emma and her dog.
The light in Emma's room appeared to be off as well and I knew she always went to bed quite early. I sincerely hoped that this was the case on that particular night, too.
I opened the unlocked window at the back and slipped inside the house, softly landing on a small, thick rug that I had placed in the cellar earlier in the evening just for that reason. I held my breath and slowly closed the window, silently grateful that the hinges didn't creak.
I turned towards the door and a high-pitched sound coming from behind the big cardboard box that housed an old washing machine almost made me jump out of my skin. For a moment I thought it was the rats, although we've never encountered that problem before. If it were the little buggers, I wouldn't be the one dealing with them. They creeped the living daylights out of me even when simply watching them on the television, I wouldn't want to bump into them in real life.
Then the sound changed into whining and slowly and ever so carefully I walked over to the box, peeping behind it. To my great amazement, the doggie crate that Emma used for her pooch stood there and through the metal bars Angelique's sad face looked at me.