Carl and I had been married for 9 years when it all came to a head. We met in college and dated for over two years before we actually did anything sexual. I was a very uptight young lady at that time. My parents were devout Christians and hammered it into my head that having sex outside of marriage was extremely sinful. They also didn't believe in birth control so they preached that to me also. Because of that they convinced me that I'd get pregnant the first time I had sex. That scared the crap out of me and I wouldn't do anything sexual with any of my boyfriends in high school.
When I met Carl I felt a tingle in my belly, a sexual tingle and that scared me. My body was telling me I wanted sex, after all I was a healthy young woman, but my mind was filled with all the crap fed me by my parents. I wanted to finish my college education and didn't want to drop out because I got pregnant, so every time Carl tried to talk me into sex, I resisted. I didn't even masturbate. My parents had been adamant that masturbation was a sin so I shied away from even touching myself other than to wash.
After two years, I allowed him to talk me into giving him a hand job. By then I had convinced myself that doing that wasn't sex, that it was only a minor sin. I told myself that I could pray and be absolved of minor sins. Giving him a hand job scared me too because as I held his cock in my hand, as I slid my palm up and down his warm, hard rod, I could feel that tingle in my belly grow exponentially. In fact when he came, as his hard rod throbbed in my hand, as his seed squirted into the air, as the smell of it hit me, the glow in my belly turned into a throb, a hunger that filled me.
After that I'd give Carl a hand job on every date. It didn't take me long (three weeks in fact) and as I was giving him a hand job one evening, on impulse, I leaned over and put my mouth over the head. I had learned about blowjobs from my room mate and after thinking about them for a long time came to the conclusion that they were another instance of not having sex and therefore, much like the hand jobs, only a minor sin. As the taste of him hit me I could feel that tingle in my belly grow. I sucked and licked his glans for a while, enjoying the taste of the stuff leaking from his penis. I heard him groan but didn't realize he was about to cum until he grabbed the back of my head, holding it tightly as his cock began to throb in my mouth.
When the first gush filled my mouth I knew I had to swallow. I swallowed each time his cock throbbed, filling my mouth. As the third blast hit the back of my throat the ball of pleasure in my belly was on fire. I didn't know it at the time but I was not far from climaxing. After that I sucked him on every date. I was still hesitant about having full on sex, but I was mentally inching that way. Before I could decide to do it though he asked me to marry him.
On our wedding night I was introduced to the type of sex Carl and I would have through out our marriage. When we got into bed on our honeymoon, I saw Carl pickup a tube of lube from the night stand. He spread some on his penis, then rolled between my legs.
He looked at me and asked, "Are you ready?"
I had always been told it would hurt when we had sex the first time, so I nodded my head, took a deep breath and prepared myself. I felt him put the tip of his rod against my vagina, then he pushed into me. Before I realized it he was all the way inside me and it hadn't hurt at all. I let out the breath I was holding as Carl began to stroke into me. It actually felt nice as he pushed in and out of me. I could feel that ball of pleasure in my belly, but before it got very big Carl grunted and pushed all the way into me as he filled me with his seed. When he was done he climbed off me and I snuggled up to him. That was to be the pattern of our sex for the next 9 years.
I got pregnant and had a baby boy a year after we married. During the birth something went wrong and afterward the doctor told me we wouldn't be able to have any more children. I was devastated, but after a long cry I realize I had been blessed with at least one child so I eventually accepted it and put all my efforts into raising and loving Seth, my son.
We fell into a routine and our life floated along. Sex between Carl and I was always pleasant and felt good, but the pleasure I felt from it was never more then that warm ball in my belly as we did it. It would start as Carl entered me, then get bigger as he pumped into me. When he finished, which was never more then two or three minutes, the warm ball of pleasure in my belly would slowly fade. It always felt like something else should happen, but I didn't know what so I accepted the way it was. That was the way of it until just after our 9th anniversary.
Through a series of accidental discoveries, which are so long and convoluted it would take way to long to relate, I found that Carl was having an affair with a woman in his office. I was crushed. At first I thought of talking to our pastor, but after reflecting on it I decided that would do no good.
Our current pastor was very fundamentalist and insisted that men were the ultimate authority in a marriage and women were to be silent and obedient. In fact in many of his sermons he said women were to support their husbands no matter what and should never betray them. Because of the I didn't think it would do any good to talk to him.
Additionally because of that I had turned away from my church and had started to question all the beliefs I had held dear for so many years. I didn't have many female friends and the ones I did have went to and supported the church, so I knew it would do no good to talk to them either.
After thinking about who I could talk to, the one friend I did have that I might be able to talk to was Julian. I had met him on a cooking site on the internet and we had talked about cooking and even exchanged some recipes. I had never seen him, or a picture of him, but from our conversations he seemed like a very nice man, I had never told Carl I was conversing with another man because my husband would have gone ballistic and made me stop talking to him.
I logged onto the cooking site and found that he was logged in too. I sent him a message to say "Hi" and got a response from him immediately. I was still hesitant to talk to him about the situation with Carl, but before I knew it I was pouring my heart out to him. He was very sympathetic and we talked for almost an hour. By the end I was feeling better because he pointed out that I hadn't done anything and it wasn't my fault. Carl was the one who was cheating on me.
After an hour I told him I had to go, but he said if I wanted to talk more to contact him. I thought about it all day and realized that talking to him made me feel better about the whole situation so I decided that since I was comfortable with talking to him I would continue to do so.
The next day I found him on the cooking site and we chatted for another hour and at the end I was feeling better still. For the next week we chatted every day for an hour. I discovered that he had a very well developed sense of humor and sounded very smart.
The second week as we chatted he said that rather then talking over IM maybe we should actually talk on the phone. I wasn't sure that was a good idea. I thought about it for the rest of the day and came to the conclusion that since we were only going to talk and nothing else, it wouldn't be like I was cheating on Carl. The next day I told him I had decided to talk to him on the phone. He asked for my number and when he could call. I told him I was free all afternoon and he responded that he would call in ten minutes.
That was a very long ten minutes as I waited for the phone to ring. When it did I jumped like I had been stung, then grabbed the phone with a shaking hand. When I answered and heard his voice for the first time I was surprised that he sounded so youthful. At first the conversation was a bit stiff, but as I loosened up it grew more animated. It was much like our conversations over the internet. At first we talked about recipes and cooking which made me relax.
We talked for almost half an hour before I told him I had to go. He asked when he could call again and I told him I was free every week day at that time, so he said he'd call the next day at the same time. The next day I waited impatiently for the phone to ring. The clock seemed to take forever to get to the correct time. When it did and the phone rang I grabbed it and answered quickly. When I heard his voice a warm glow started in my belly. I didn't know it but that was the harbinger of things to come.
We talked everyday for the next week. By the end of the week I was totally comfortable talking to him. The second week, as we talked, he told me he had gotten the feeling that our sex life (Carl and me) was rather mundane and wondered if it would offend me if he asked a few intimate questions. At first I was embarrassed and hesitant to agree to him deviling into our sex life. But after thinking about it I decided perhaps talking to someone about it might help me understand why Carl was cheating on me. When I told him he could ask what ever questions he wanted of me, he told me that if at anytime I felt uncomfortable he would stop. That put me more at ease.
"This may sound intrusive and you don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable with doing so, but do you have a climax when you and Carl have sex?" He asked.
Because of the way my life had been I had never talked to anyone about such things so I had no idea what he was asking.
"I...aw...I'm not sure what you mean." I replied.
"Well, how do you two do it and how does it feel when you have sex?" He asked.
"Aw...well...we get in bed. He puts lube on his..you know...his manhood. Then he get's on top of me and pushes it in and begins to make love to me." I said.
"Ok, so how does it feel as he does it? And how does it feel when he finishes?"
Well, I...aw...I'm having a difficult time saying this. It's embarrassing to talk about how we do...how we have intimate relations." I replied.
"I told you, you don't need to talk at all if you don't want to." He said in a soft voice,"but it might help you."
"Yes, it might." I agreed, then took a big breath, exhaled and continued," Well as he makes love to me..."
"Look,"He interrupted,"we also need to keep this out of the emotional realm so I can try to help you understand why Carl is doing what he is. Why don't you say "when he is having sex with me" instead?"
"Ok," I replied, wondering why he wanted to do that, but not wanting to get sidetracked by asking,"As he has sex with me a warm glow starts in my belly. As he does it to me it get's bigger and bigger. When he finishes it feels really good and slowly fades afterward."
"Hmmmm...so how long does it take him to finish?" He asked.
"Oh, two or three minutes." I replied,"Never any longer then that."
"That's how it feels every time you have sex? Even when you masturbate?" He asked.
"I have never done that!" I gasped, shocked he would think I touched myself for a sexual reason.
"I am sorry, I didn't know you never have." He replied, "Touching yourself isn't a bad thing."
