He began his lecture by saying, "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. It takes eight minutes for the sun light to reach the Earth." I sat there mesmerized. There was something so attractive about this man. He wasn't just attractive, he was beautiful in a way. It surprised me in part because he was Asian. He had a way about him that suggested a raw intensity beneath his controlled demeanor. He spoke carefully and carried himself with quiet confidence.
It was Earth Day and there I was, sitting in the front row of the auditorium at my daughter's high school, listening to the keynote speaker, a man from China. I had helped to raise the funds to bring this world-famous environmentalist to conduct a workshop for the community. I had read one of his essays in an organic gardening magazine and began to correspond with him several months prior to the event. His ideas were fresh and insightful and when I saw his picture, I was struck by the passion and power that seemed to show in his handsome face. Now after months of fundraising, he was standing before us sharing strategies to make our community more sustainable and livable.
Fundraising was one of the many ways I tried to be involved in the local community and to help improve my daughter's education. When I got married, I always had it in my mind to be the best mother in the neighborhood. I tried to be the perfect wife and mother, always waiting with dinner on the table in a clean, happy home. I was obsessed with the appearance of every aspect of my family and myself. I worked out regularly, volunteered for everything, read important books, and shopped to stay in fashion. I was proud of myself and my accomplishments. When I began to need more in my life, I got involved in several social causes in the community. Environmentalism quickly became my leading cause because of its popularity in our neighborhood and today was a day that I could enjoy the fruits of my labor.
I had prepared carefully for the day, organizing every detail, including what I would wear. I chose a new black suit and heels for the occasion. I wanted to look attractive but professional and thought I looked rather alluring in a toned down manner. I had an elegant reception planned at a nice hotel after the lecture. The anticipation of the event, along with all of the compliments I'd received for my work, made me feel particularly excited and emotional. Although my husband was unable to attend because he was away on business, my daughter was beaming with pride as she sat on stage. She had been given the responsibility of introducing Mr. Ping Jia Dong, our speaker.
I relished all of the feelings and attention as I listened attentively, wanting to be able to intelligently participate in the cocktail discussions I knew would follow the lecture. I concentrated as I listened to him say:
"If you can imagine that your whole body is a sense organ, a sponge for the variety of stimuli in the world, then you can imagine how we might think about our relational experience with the environment. Your body as a whole is a space that is constantly written upon by the elements of the world in which we live. It is an intimate connection, a marriage of sorts if you like, but it can become toxic if the elements lose equilibrium. In China, we would explain it as a relationship between opposing forces that must find balance. It is this balance that is responsible for our health. This balance allows us to experience the best of our humanity, in life, love, and work."
The audience seemed focused and there was a tension in the air as if his words were seducing everyone.
"I'm afraid that we often neglect our innate understanding of this relationship and allow ourselves to become engrossed in the addictions of temporal pleasure. The appearance of our lives as opposed to the substance of how we live. This is natural in a sense but there is more that we can do ecologically if we are willing to give ourselves to a larger truth. Many of you here today are mothers. By definition, a mother is someone who loves because she nurtures. The larger truth that underlies motherhood may be the key to our ability to make our planet more livable. From my perspective, this truth is the dynamic and unconditional love of a mother. Although I do not believe that spoken language can truly articulate this love, it is possible to suggest it. The people of my country would say that it is only a mother who can know the intricacies of how to live because only she gives birth to life."
I was deeply struck by the comments, there was something sensual about how he spoke and his obvious intelligence was certainly attractive. When the lecture ended, applause erupted and a crowd formed around the thirty-something Mr. Dong. I waited to catch his attention and introduce myself and caught myself staring. When his eyes met mine, I felt penetrated. In retrospect, it might have been at that moment that I decided that I would have sex with him if I got the chance.
"Mr. Dong. Hello, I'm Lynne Bennett. I'm sorry we didn't meet earlier but thank you for sharing such a wonderful message with us." I was feeling a little twisted inside.
"Ah, Mrs. Bennett." He warmly shook my hand although it felt more like a caress. "You're a very gracious host Mrs. Bennett. I've enjoyed our correspondence and your attention to detail is apparent. I am honored to be here." He seemed to be looking me over, head to toe.
"Please call me Lynne."
"Yes, and please call me PJ. My American friends all call me PJ."
"We should get to dinner. I'm sure you must be hungry after such a busy schedule."
I ushered him to my car, noting that he was quite fit and looked good in his clothes. From the moment the doors were closed, I felt that I was the center of his attention. The way that he looked at me as we drove made me feel very feminine. We chatted about his time in the U.S. and he told me that he had enjoyed it very much. I knew he had studied at an Ivy League school and wondered about his college days.
"What do you enjoy most about America?" I asked.
"The land. It's spacious and still wild in places. It's so beautiful. When I get the chance to hike in national forests, I'm filled with a sense of being that I've only felt when I'm in love."
"That's an interesting way to look at it. I never thought of it like that." I replied. His comments actually made me feel a yearning for more romance in my life.
"Nature in America has a consuming quality to it. It's like the beauty of a woman who is all things—a mother, a lover, and a confidant."
