A month after the move to Sacramento, Bailey was stepping out of the shower when she saw her reflection in the mirror and it disturbed her. Her once lithe, hard body was out of shape and she wanted her figure to look stunning for Jay.
I need to get back in the gym, she said to herself. Every morning, Monday to Friday, she dropped Christopher off with her parents and spent an hour exercising before work. She hit the treadmill and weight machines with a vengeance. But, her progress was slow, a result of the pregnancy.
Bailey's relationship with Jay hadn't improved but counseling was still a big part of their lives. She resolved to find a way to make her marriage work but it was much more difficult than she realized. However, it was a small miracle that Jay was still with her and she refused to give up hope.
Jay was living under the same roof but in a separate room. He could be moody and withdrawn for long periods of time. Daria, the new therapist in Sacramento, had recommended anti-depressants but Jay refused to take them. His bond with Bailey's son Christopher was the one bright spot in his life.
Bailey hoped for some intimacy with Jay because her physical need was growing. But she was kidding herself, if she didn't think it was going to be a long arduous process. The same problem kept popping up in therapy. His memories of her and Andre' fucking by the pool and the photos that Jordan had showed him.
With the Christmas holiday approaching, Bailey realized that it was nearly six months since her return to Sacramento. Her commitment to exercise honed her figure to a sleek, defined appearance. Sometimes, she fantasized about throwing herself on top of Jay and raping him. With her muscular body, Bailey knew she could.
Jay had lost a lot of weight and was thin, very thin. His loss of appetite was directly related to the turmoil in their lives. He hid his feelings of inadequacy and inferiority from Bailey because he was deathly afraid of intimacy with her. In his mind, he believed he could never measure up to Andre' or even begin to satisfy her sexually.
But, Jay didn't know that Bailey was innately aware of his feelings. Her love for him had grown stronger and part of that was her physical need for him. Years had passed since they shared an intimate moment and she was aching to make love to her husband.
****
On a quiet Sunday, with Christopher at his grandparents, Bailey wanted to hold and cuddle with Jay, to continue the process of healing and reconnecting. He still shied away from any advances she made toward him but she was a patient woman. She hadn't seen him since breakfast and wondered where...
Bailey walked down the hall to his bedroom and directly opposite was his bathroom. She could see the light was on and figured Jay was shaving or showering or... She didn't want to burst in on him, so she slowly turned the knob and opened the door part way...
What Bailey saw surprised her and mortified the hell out of Jay. He was seated on the toilet lid, his boxers around his ankles, wanking his johnson to an issue of Penthouse. She just stared at him and closed the door.
Bailey waited for Jay to come out. Awful pangs of remorse throbbed in her heart. This was her fault. He should be masturbating with images of her in his head not some pictures in a men's magazine. She had reduced the man she loved to a pathetic sexual state.
When it was obvious he wasn't budging, Bailey knocked softly.
"Jay...honey...come out...please." Her voice was soothing.
A minute later, the door opened and a very sheepish Jay with his head down walked into Bailey's open arms. As she held him, she felt his ribs against her and realized how painfully thin her husband had become.
They sat on the end of Jay's bed and he was literally shaking. Bailey's heart ached to see him like this and she gently rocked him.
"Don't be embarrassed, I know it's been a long time for you," Her voice was reassuring.
To have Bailey find him squeezing one out was humiliating to Jay but she was holding him tenderly and it felt comforting in her arms. When he rested his head against her shoulder, she gently stroked his face.
Bailey wanted to take him and make love to him. Slick moisture crept into her pussy and she wanted to fuck his brains out right then and there. She was keenly aware that she could give him the kind of sexual pleasure that Andre had given her.
"Can I make you something to eat? You barely ate any breakfast."
"Yeah, ok."
Jay followed her into the kitchen but his eyes followed her firm heart shaped ass as it swayed in her tight shorts. She caught him looking and wiggled it for him.
While Bailey was busy preparing an omelet, he watched her move, the way she whipped the eggs and poured them into a hot pan. God, she's so sexy he thought. Her bare mid-riff tee shirt, showing her flat tummy, brown hair plaited in a French braid, green eyes twinkling with mischief. She was turning him on. For the first time in a long time he was able to look at her as a sexual being.
Bailey was aware of the change in him. Jay wanted her, she could tell and it thrilled her. When she placed the omelet in front of him, he smiled at her.
"Thanks Bailey," he said, and the gratitude in his voice moved her.
Jay was eating heartily and it pleased her but she made a resolution to get him into the gym because he needed to build some muscle.
Seated across from , Jay covered her hand with his and tenderly squeezed while he ate. His shorts had tented and he didn't know how he was going to stand up.
Bailey cleared the empty plate.
"Can we cuddle for awhile?" She asked coyly.
Jay nodded his head but he looked very sheepish. Bailey got up and walked out of the kitchen and was in the hall when she realized Jay wasn't behind her.
"Jay? Honey? Where are you?"
Jay walked toward her with a magazine held in place over his crotch. Bailey gazed at him curiously until she realized the significance. She waited for him in her bedroom and smiled broadly when he came in the door.
Bailey lay on the bed on her side and held her arms out for him. Jay moved tentatively to join her and dropped the magazine. With his body against hers, she moved her thigh making contact with his hard on.
Bailey couldn't help herself and rubbed her thigh along his erection. She heard Jay softly moan and she had the overwhelming desire to kiss him.
But, when Bailey lowered her mouth to his, she saw it. The shadow, the ghost of Andre' passed over his eyes and he looked away. Immediately, Jay's hard on subsided and a crushing sense of futility enveloped Bailey. She started to cry and it was impossible for her to hold back the deluge of tears. God is punishing me, she thought, I can't have the man I love.
Bailey wept, her heart bereft. Never in a million years would she have thought that the cost of her sex romps with Andre' would be so high. She had foolishly pursued her sexual desires at the expense of all that she held near and dear. Her marriage was an empty shell, a marriage in name only, hanging on by a thread.
"Bailey...please don't cry...please...sweetheart...we'll work it out..."
Jay was holding Bailey, stroking her back and trying to soothe her as she bawled her head off. His eyes filled up and his heart hurt for her. He kissed her cheeks and tasted her salty tears.
"No! No! He'll always be there between us, I just know it!" she cried mournfully.
Bailey was sobbing in his arms and Jay wept too. They had lost something precious and couldn't reclaim it.
"I want you Jay...but I can't have you..." her heart was desolate.
He didn't know what to say to her. Finally all the shedding of tears ended, the emotions played out.
Bailey gazed down at Jay with a serious expression.
"I want you to think about dating." she said, her demeanor was totally sincere.
"What! Why would I do that?" he declared.
"So you can find someone, fall in love and start a family..."
