When I went to bed last night it was with a heavy heart. Throughout the day I had experienced moments of regret, anger, and embarrassment - none long-lasting but all ferociously passionate. At 11:00 you had informed me of my replacement the day before, which was only two days after I had given myself to you for the first time. By 11:30 I had calmed the cold aches that were washing over me in dizzying waves of disgust. At 12:00 I met my friend for lunch and she went through the normal tirade and reaffirmation while I sat, barely listening, still playing over the details in my mind. Once 1:00 rolled around I was too busy with work to think about you at all. However, at 4:45 on the drive home, the slight came back and the “Why? Why? Why?” did not stop again.
I woke in the middle of the night to cool fingertips tracing the line of my leg up to my hip where they flattened out to press a warm palm against the curve of my waist. My skin flushed with goosebumps, almost painful in their sudden appearance. I tried to roll over to face you, but your body was fit too closely to mine. Behind me I heard you whisper “shh…” and as the breath left your lips it grazed my shoulder causing a shiver to course through my body.
“But what about Girl B?” I asked you in a low tone, frigid from the anticipation of your response.
The warmth of your smooth chest against my back responded as loudly as your words, “I made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“But how can I forget this vision of her on the back of your motorbike, her hands tightening around your body as you increased your speed….”
You silenced me with the tip of your tongue drawing an apology on the nape of my neck. “Her hands were cold and clumsy, a poor substitute for your own.”
“…and how do I lose the ringing of her laughter and the murmur of her voice as she undid your belt, kissing the very pores on your stomach where I had been only two days previous?”
You turned me around to face you and your eyes were huge and dark in the moonlight. In them I could see your remorse and the imitation of desire that you had felt for her. Your hand reached up and stroked my face gently.
“What of the union of your bodies, the mixture of her scent and yours, the flavor of her on your lips, the climaxes you both experienced?”
At this I tried to move away from you, the pain of reality sharpening its razorblade on my heart. You tightened your grip on me, allowing no distance, and I felt as though the enormity of my disappointment and sadness would leak from me and pour into you, breaking you of the spell you seemed to be under. Why were you here in my bed?
“Don’t let it break your heart,” you said as you covered my face with kisses. “All I can do is tell you how sorry I am and hope that you know I’m sincere.” Your lips met my own and parted them, your tongue circling mine in slow reiteration of your words.