I'm standing outside a movie theatre somewhere in Los Angeles pacing back and forth totally unsure of what I'm going to do. I was sure 5 minutes ago when I turned the corner. I was positive that I was going to purchase a ticket and go inside. I mean, what's the big deal? It's only a movie, two hours out of my day. Nothing is going to happen. I know this. So why am I so bloody nervous? Why are my teeth chattering under 90 degrees of California sunshine? I can't seem to shake the blush that's covered my body in red dye #4 and I tell myself it's just the heat. Looking at the marquee again I see that the movie started 20 minutes ago and I realize the odds of you actually being in there are slim anyway. You were probably joking when you invited me and I just mistranslated. It happens online all the time. Someone cracks a joke you would catch instantly if you'd actually heard it spoken. But the written word carries no intonation and misunderstandings are common. I mean, you've never met anyone from Lit before, why would I be the first? Sure we talk quite a bit and flirt jokingly all the time. I think of all the times you've laughingly told me to send you my panties, but it's always a joke. Why would this be any different? After all, you still haven't even told me your real name! The odds of you actually being in that theatre are nil.
For some reason this calms me a bit and I manage to walk into the cool lobby and purchase a ticket without tripping over my own feet. The sudden change of temperature raises goose bumps on my skin and makes me aware of exactly how short the sundress I chose to wear actually is. I get half way to the theatre doors and abruptly turn to the right, heading to what I hope is the ladies room as I don't even bother looking at the sign on the door before shoving it open. Fortune is with me though and I see a long line of mirrors and sinks in front of me with no sign of a urinal anywhere.
I run cold water over my hands and pat them against my forehead before even bothering with the mirror, but when I do look up I'm not as displeased as I thought I would be. The humidity has barely caused any frizz, and by the grace of some unknown deity I don't look anywhere near as nervous as I actually am. The blush is still there but it's faded to a subtle bubblegum pink.
Taking a very deep breath I head back to the theatre doors, not allowing myself to stop outside them but forcing my feet to take me through and into the dark, cool theatre where I stop, almost frozen in my tracks.
The theatre is empty, completely barren. The movie is playing but there isn't a soul in the seats. A great wave of relief tinged with disappointment floods me I a start to laugh.
Of course it's that moment that you push yourself upright in your seat and turn your head toward me. My laughter cuts off instantly and I just stand there, looking shocked and unsure. What are you doing here? You were supposed to be kidding. You look equally shocked and I realize you probably assumed I wasn't coming 20 minutes ago. But you recover first, smiling warmly at me and holding up your popcorn as an offering. I'm so nervous my stomach seems to be crawling up into my lungs, but I smile back and walk slowly down the isle. Pictures rarely do people justice, and yours did not give a hint at the spark in your eyes, or the way your closely trimmed beard accents the strength of your jaw line. You are far more handsome than I had expected.
I realize to you it must look like I'm putting on some kind of show, taking my time reaching your row, swaying my hips and glancing downward coyly. At least I pray that's the way it's coming off and you don't realize I'm actually petrified of tripping and rolling ass over ankles down the isle. I watch you look me over and I'm suddenly very aware of my body, the way my dress hugs tight over my breasts and hips, the goose bumps rising anew on my skin. Your eyes make a barely noticeable pause at what I'm sure are my nipples pressed against the thin, silky cotton before your eyes meet mine and your smile grows wider and more dashing. You let your gaze linger on my face and the curls framing it before you lower the seat next to you for me. I smile and sit, trapping your hand for a moment between the rough upholstery of the theatre seat and the smooth warm skin on the back of my thigh. You move your hand promptly but slowly. I can feel the heat of your skin, the weight of your touch and it remains after you've moved your hand back to the arm rest. It doesn't fade and as we both turn to watch the screen the tingling burn increases.
I try my best to ignore it and get myself interested in the film but the idea is hopeless. I can't follow a single line of dialogue. I can't believe I'm sitting here. I can't believe your sitting here! Dixon Carter Lee is sitting next to me eating popcorn and watching Harrison Ford do something heroically Harrison on the movie screen. No. There is no such person. Dixon is a character on a message board - a fantasy and the distractingly attractive man sitting next to me is all too real. Yet somehow, nothing seems real at the moment. The darkness of the theatre, the soft hazy light of the film has given everything an other worldly feel, as if I've somehow stepped into a fantasy. Reality seems to have shifted just slightly to the left and I can still feel a heavy tingle where we touched. If I closed my eyes it would be as if your hand were still there, pressed against my thigh. It reminds me of the last time I felt such a lingering sensation. I was 14 and Jason Fields had brushed my calf with the back of his hand as he was reaching down into his back pack for a pen. I could have drawn a circle around every molecule of skin he'd touched and the sensation lasted the entire hour of our French class.
Suddenly everything shifts again, the rational, confident adult woman is gone, and I'm an unsure freshman, sitting next to an upper classman far out of my league praying for him to notice me without noticing me. I try to shake the feeling but it won't fade and neither does the hot tingle where your skin grazed mine. Questions fly through my mind. What am I doing here? What was I thinking? I should be in a museum. I should be shopping. I should be doing a dozen different touristy things. I should not be sitting alone in a movie theatre with a man whose first name I don't even know feeling like some insecure school girl! This isn't right. I should leave. That delicious burn will fade if I just get up and go. You'll understand. Hell you probably don't care one way or another.
I turn to tell you I have to leave, just in time to catch your eyes snapping back to the movie screen. I freeze for a split second as it registers, then grab another handful of popcorn to give reason to my movement and settle back into my seat. Were you staring at me? You had to be. Why else would you have that slight air of guilt about you when I turned? Of course I could be imaging things. I shift in my seat just enough to be able to watch the screen and still see you out of the corner of my eye. I watch the actors move but I don't see them. I see your eyes slowly moving over my legs, up over my breasts to my profile, so slowly that I never would have noticed had I not been looking for it. I listen to the soundtrack but I'm not hearing it. I'm hearing the subtle changes in your breathing as you try to seem unaware of me sitting here. You lift your arm to the back of my seat, not touching me but resting on my hair. After a moment I can feel the tiniest friction as you rub a lock between your fingers. I know I'm not supposed to notice, so I pretend not to and simply stare at the screen, wondering what you're thinking, whether you can feel the pressure in the air that is threatening to suffocate me. Are you battling with the same logic and rational that is tearing through my brain?
Focusing on the movie is pointless. The physical memory of your touch on my thigh is all I seem to notice. I try and make it fade. Try to focus on other parts of my body, but that only brings me to the realization that I want that same burning on every inch of my skin. I'm dying for you to touch me and nothing I try and think about, no internal lectures about right and wrong can mask that. At the moment I can't even place a definition for wrong. I just need you to touch me and the waiting is killing me.
I lift my legs to rest my feet on the seatback in front of me, pushing my knees toward my face. I've done it a thousand times before in a hundred theatres with dozens of people and the move is completely unconscious, but it causes the flimsy silk of my dress to ride up my thighs and while the tops are covered well enough, the side and back of my left thigh all the way to the curve of my ass is now right in your sightline. It takes a moment for me to notice the air has gotten even thicker, to realize you've stopped breathing and why. At first I'm not sure what to do. My heart starts to pound and I can feel the heat marching over my skin from my head to my toes. I silently thank God for the darkness of the theatre and hope it masks most of my blush.