Disclaimer: The following events are entirely fictional, while the story itself should be considered to be a work of parody. I do not have permission from the Disney Corporation for the use of its Attractions, Theme Parks or Characters. The resemblance of any characters to actual Disney Cast Members is entirely coincidental.
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I felt like a big kid again; memories from my childhood flashed across my mind's eye. For the first time in ten years, I was walking down the middle of Main Street, USA, and I couldn't resist breaking into a little dance as I heard 'A Star is Born' - an upbeat jazz number from the movie 'Hercules' - burst forth from the speakers. Truly, the 'Disney Magic' was flooding though me, and I realised that I would have a chance, for a few days at least, to forget the mountain of work which waited for me back in England.
On the corner, I passed by the famous 'Casey's Corner', and inhaled the heady smell of hotdogs, mustard and fried onions. A Cast Member in a striped 'old time' baseball uniform gave a friendly wave as he emerged from within the building, struggling to squeeze through the crowd that was already thronging the main part of the diner; I smiled back, casually saluting in the manner of a ball player approaching the plate, and decided to make a point of coming back to the restaurant for lunch.
Although it was was barely 10am, the Park was full of people, and it took about fifteen minutes for me to fight my way up the length of Main Street. The turrets of Cinderella's Castle rose high into the clear blue Florida sky, the heavy rains of the previous night a mere memory as the temperatures once again soared, and I heard children gasping as the sunlight glinted off the golden pinnacles of the towers. A great cheer went up as 'Cinderella' emerged from great front gate, her trademark ball-gown billowing around her and her blonde hair shining almost as brightly as the towers of her Castle.
I smiled to myself. Even at twenty-five, I could still remember the first time that my parents had brought me to The Magic Kingdom, and a twinge of nostalgia knotted my stomach as I recalled the feeling of innocent wonder at seeing my Disney heroes seemingly come to life before my eyes. Nowadays, I knew the truth, but there was no harm in playing along with the fantasy; after all, a magician is nothing more than a skilled illusionist, but you still enjoy watching the tricks unfold, even after you learn the secret.
'Cinderella' was passing by me now, and I was on the point of turning to make my way towards the Castle itself when I met her sparkling blue eyes, and instinctively flashed her a warm smile. The Princess held out a gloved hand, expecting me to shake it, but I was struck by a sudden 'Disney Magic' moment; instead of the anticipated gesture, I bowed my head, raised her hand in mine, and gently kissed the back of fingers. "Charmed, Your Highness," I said as a straightened up, though the Cast Member appeared rather shocked by my piece of improvisation, and a flush of red was visible on her cheeks.
Nonetheless, she took it in her stride, and inclined her head gently towards me, preserving the illusion. "Have a nice day hun." I heard her whisper in a Southern drawl, making as if to move off down the line, "I can see that Prince Charming might be having some competition!" I grinned back at her as she gave me a conspiratorial wink, but our exchange was interrupted by the arrival of a group of schoolchildren awaiting a photo opportunity with the Princess. 'Cinderella' turned and gave them a dignified, regal-looking wave for the benefit of the crowd, smiled at me over her shoulder, and moved off.
I let out a low snigger as I carried on towards Fantasyland, musing over the idea of challenging 'Prince Charming' to a duel. Knowing my luck, 'Cinderella' had probably been referring some real-life boyfriend, who would most likely turn out to be built like the broad side of a barn, with the muscles of a prize-winning Texas Longhorn to match. In all honesty, I hated confrontation of any kind, so I couldn't really picture myself getting into a fight; no, far better to look elsewhere, unless 'Charming' was in the mood for a threesome of course...
Passing through the castle gate and leaving Main Street far behind me, I could see the tall, thin figure of Merlin the Enchanter standing by the stone and anvil which held King Arthur's sword, encouraging children and adults alike to try their luck in proving themselves the 'Once and Future King.' Another of the princesses - Belle this time - was making her way to the meet-and-greet pavilion next to 'It's a Small World', her gold dress shining in the late-morning sun and her dark brown hair flowing down over her shoulders.
However, my gaze was drawn to the parade approaching from the direction of Adventureland; the five Muses were sashaying their way along the street, and I could clearly see the short, plump, devastatingly voluptuous figure of 'Thalia' among them. True, it was some seventeen years since I had first seen 'Hercules' at my local cinema, and the Muses had only impacted upon my seven-year-old self in respect of my love of jazz, soul and blues music. However, that was before I hit puberty, after which time I found myself irrevocably drawn to 'Big, Beautiful Women,' and my opinion of the movie changed dramatically.
Watching 'Hercules' as an adult, I suddenly began to spot all of the sexual in-jokes which had previously gone straight over my head. I fell in love - at least as much as one can where a cartoon character is concerned - with 'Thalia' and her sassy, flirtatious personality. She seemed to me to represent the classic BBW archetype: bold, brassy, energetic and vivacious, with a sexual fire that seemed to be drawn from the very earth itself. Overnight, the busty, bubbly Muse of Comedy dethroned Jessica Rabbit as my #1 female Disney character.
