Dirty Chat

One Night, on the Internet:

LordTom 10:11 hi!

A1ic3g 10:11 helloooo mister penis waggler :P

LordTom 10:12 hellooo miss eyebrow flutterer

A1ic3g 10:12 it's like my main flirting move

A1ic3g 10:13 eyelash! not eyebrow lol

LordTom 10:13 oh yeah

LordTom 10:13 that'd be odd

A1ic3g 10:14 how's your evening gone?

LordTom 10:15 quiet, how's yours?

A1ic3g 10:15 well i filled my boots

LordTom 10:17 how so?

A1ic3g 10:17 had a big ol tasty dinner beef and mango caribbean style stew with sweet potato mash

A1ic3g 10:17 with some lovely red wine

A1ic3g 10:18 so i cannot complain

LordTom 10:18 mmm i'm jealous

A1ic3g 10:19 off to the gym tomorrow to burn it off :s

A1ic3g 10:19 do you have a definitive flirting technique?

LordTom 10:21 it generally involves suggestive eyebrows (lol) in response to innuendos. plus strategically tight jeans on occasion

A1ic3g 10:22 lol :)

A1ic3g 10:22 so you play the 'well hung' card, hmm :P

A1ic3g 10:23 im not sure if wearing jeans, even of the tightest kind, can be called flirting in itself lol

LordTom 10:24 in the right atmosphere i think it's caught eyes. A lot of the time i'm completely oblivious to flirting and don't notice till a week later haha

A1ic3g 10:25 lol

LordTom 10:25 it's a tough life

A1ic3g 10:26 well i cant dispute that it would almost certainly catch my eye!

LordTom 10:28 I think you're a tiny bit obsessed ;P

A1ic3g 10:28 lol could be

A1ic3g 10:29 have you ever read the saturday guardian's blind date column?

LordTom 10:29 no?

A1ic3g 10:30 it's great fun, just google guardian blind date to have a look

A1ic3g 10:31 but i do often wonder if the people were a bit more honest it would probably be more about boobs and bits and whether they could imagine going to bed with one another immediately

LordTom 10:33 would you publish that in a national newspaper with your face on it?

A1ic3g 10:34 lol... absolutely not

A1ic3g 10:34 i see your point

LordTom 10:36 also, aren't cultured humans supposed to be above such lascivious primal urges?

A1ic3g 10:38 hmm, maybe deeply repressed ones>

LordTom 10:39 well that's not me, and somehow I don't think it's you, either

A1ic3g 10:41 and most of our wonderful culture is about those lascivious primal urges

A1ic3g 10:42 so i think being cultured goes together quite well with being lascivious lol

LordTom 10:43 My A-level english teacher used to say "it's all about death and sex and sex and death"

A1ic3g 10:43 so true

LordTom 10:43 he was a very strange man, but insightful

A1ic3g 10:43 lol

A1ic3g 10:44 he sounds a treat :)

A1ic3g 10:47 *pokes tom*

LordTom 10:48 sorry, my computer froze for a sec

LordTom 10:48 what do you want to talk about?

A1ic3g 10:48 ooh anything

A1ic3g 10:49 how are you finding this site in general?

LordTom 10:50 well, I've been talking to this really nice girl who seems to be obsessed with my penis, so it's swings and roundabouts really ;P

A1ic3g 10:51 ha ha ha :)

LordTom 10:52 what does the week hold in store for you?

A1ic3g 10:52 lots of wage labour

A1ic3g 10:52 probably dull

A1ic3g 10:53 maybe some indulging of my penis 'obsession' if there's time :P

A1ic3g 10:53 how about you?

LordTom 10:54 We start building the scenery for the next set of shows tomorrow, so lots of powertools

A1ic3g 10:55 ooh, sounds exciting

LordTom 10:56 it is! what's your work?

A1ic3g 10:56 library

A1ic3g 10:56 i wont pretend it's exciting

A1ic3g 10:56 but i do like it

A1ic3g 10:57 there are fewer power tools, i'm willing to bet

LordTom 10:57 Probably none, I would imagine

LordTom 10:58 But you get to play with books!

A1ic3g 10:58 yes, i get to select the display books sometimes

LordTom 10:59 ooh get you

A1ic3g 11:00 good times :)

LordTom 11:00 Morning, btw

A1ic3g 11:01 the witching hour!

A1ic3g 11:01 eek

A1ic3g 11:01 will you protect me from the ghouls and ghosties?

LordTom 11:04 yep, with my large weapon

LordTom 11:04 oh god I crack myself up

A1ic3g 11:05 lol

A1ic3g 11:05 smutty tom

LordTom 11:08 haha i've never been called that before!

A1ic3g 11:09 do you not tend to have dirty convs irl

LordTom 11:11 not really, it's just a bit uncommon. I normally get called cheeky

A1ic3g 11:12 i dont really have them, which frankly is very disappointing

LordTom 11:13 We could do something about that, you know...

A1ic3g 11:14 good, the dirtier the better lol

A1ic3g 11:16 i even know all the dirty words :P or at least, i assume i know all of them..

LordTom 11:16 That's good: What are you wearing?

A1ic3g 11:18 i'm wearing what passes for pyjamas in my room - an old grey t shirt and white knickers :P

A1ic3g 11:19 how about you?

LordTom 11:20 Boxer briefs and socks

A1ic3g 11:21 are you a 'socks stay on' kind of guy :)

LordTom 11:23 Sometimes, I don't like cold feet.

A1ic3g 11:24 sensible tom :)

LordTom 11:24 I've been told that I look sexiest in a suit. What would you put on if you wanted to feel sexy?

A1ic3g 11:26 hmm that's a good question - i have a short summer dress that shows off my legs and makes spontaneous sex very simple - i associate wearing it with some wonderful sex

LordTom 11:29 Now that's something i'd like to see. Are you a knickers or no knickers girl?

A1ic3g 11:30 depends on the occasion :P

LordTom 11:30 Which status for which occasion?

A1ic3g 11:32 well, occasion of trying to give sexy boyfriend huge boner... no knickers lol

A1ic3g 11:32 but when i'm boyfriendless i do tend to wear knickers

LordTom 11:33 So your boyfriends never get to unwrap a present?

A1ic3g 11:35 ha, i'm not always knickerless... which do you prefer, do you like to unwrap your present slowly and sensuously?

LordTom 11:37 Yes I do. Tell me about some of your sexiest underwear

LordTom 11:37 And I'll tell you about what we'd do

A1ic3g 11:40 i have to admit, i'm not a sexy underwear owner, in general... i have a white thong but i feel silly wearing it. yet - terrible secret - i do like putting it on and admiring my bum in the mirror... i like the idea of a boyfirend giving me sexy underwear to wear, choosing it for me and telling me to pose...

LordTom 11:43 If it makes your arse look nice, then wear it!

A1ic3g 11:43 it does make my arse look rather nice

LordTom 11:43 how nice?

A1ic3g 11:44 quite delicious :)

LordTom 11:45 I have a bit of a... thing for stockings and suspenders, so i'd put you in some of them

A1ic3g 11:46 do they make you very very hard?

LordTom 11:48 The thought of running my hands over them, with each pass coming closer and closer to the hem of your dress. That does

A1ic3g 11:48 yum :)

LordTom 11:51 All the time kissing you on the mouth and neck, and whispering what i'm doing in your ear

A1ic3g 11:51 i hope that your hands might end up on my arse, squeezing and kneading my buttocks

LordTom 11:53 oh yes, and one hand might sneak away and start removing your dress. does it open and the front/back? are we talking zips here?

A1ic3g 11:54 the summer dress just slips over my head - push it up, over my tits...

LordTom 11:56 By this point, you're on your back with me on top, kissing you and now undoing your bra and releasing your tits

A1ic3g 11:57 yes, i like the sound of this :)

A1ic3g 11:58 kiss me really hard

LordTom 11:59 Now I'm kissing you hard on the mouth, and the neck, and decolletage, and finally I find my way to your tits.

A1ic3g 12:00 my nipples get very hard and very sensitive

A1ic3g 12:01 if you bite them you'll make my cunt all gushy

LordTom 12:03 So I kiss my way around the nipples, getting closer and closer and closer, letting you feel my teeth against your skin

A1ic3g 12:03 yes

LordTom 12:04 I bite your nipples

A1ic3g 12:04 oh yes :)

LordTom 12:05 I can feel your wet cunt against my body, so slowly start to move down

A1ic3g 12:06 yes, i can feel your large cock against my body

LordTom 12:07 are you moaning/

LordTom 12:07?

A1ic3g 12:08 yes, your size excites me, as do your kisses and nibbles, and i'm panting a little and letting out little moans

LordTom 12:12 I kiss my way down your body, along the breastbone and onto the abdomen and the belly button, as my hands slide down the back of your legs, to your knees, and i pull your legs smoothly up and apart. My face is now hovering just millimetres from your soaking cunt behind a sodden thong

A1ic3g 12:13 mmm what are you going to do to my cunt, tom?

LordTom 12:16 Nothing yet. You have to wait for it. I kiss first above the top of the thong, then I work my way around that little scrap of fabric kissing and teasing your inner things, all the while lifting your body towards my face with my hands on your arse

A1ic3g 12:17 i groan and push my cunt up to your face and call you a bastard, even as i love the hands on my arse and the lips on my thighs

LordTom 12:19 I catch the top of the front of your thong with my teeth, and start pulling slowly, slipping my hands under the strap at the back and easing it down.

A1ic3g 12:20 yes

LordTom 12:21 How wet are you?

LordTom 12:21 Am i going to get a messy face in a moment?

A1ic3g 12:22 i'm dripping and the lips of my cunt are already redder and swollen

LordTom 12:24 I still tease you, kissing and nuzzling and licking all around your cunt, but only just ever so lightly brushing your lips and your clit. I want to hear you beg for it

A1ic3g 12:25 please... lick it... FUCK it... do what you want to my cunt... i'll do what you want...

LordTom 12:27 I dive in, and start licking like a possessed beast, up and down the lips on each side, and teasing your clit to see if you can take it. can you?

A1ic3g 12:27 mmm just dont stop... eat me

LordTom 12:27 Also, I start teasing inside you with my tounge

A1ic3g 12:28 i open my legs even wider for you to eat my cunt out deeply

LordTom 12:30 As i start shoving my tounge in deeper and deeper, do you push your pelvis up against my face? do you grind against me?

A1ic3g 12:31 i roll my pelvis against you, and i run my fingers through your hair, pressing your face hard against my soaking cunt

LordTom 12:32 Are you getting what you want? Do you guide me to your filthiest needs?

A1ic3g 12:33 keeping squeezing my arse as you eat me

LordTom 12:34 I am. I'm leaving red marks.

A1ic3g 12:34 yes

A1ic3g 12:34 give me long licks, from my arsehole up to my clit

LordTom 12:35 I do. Repeatedly. How loud are you now?

A1ic3g 12:41 very loud... squealing a little

A1ic3g 12:42 ready to come

LordTom 12:43 So I move around, sucking and licking every part of your cunt, from the lips to inside you to your clit, finding which one will get you off. which one is is?

A1ic3g 12:44 my clit... lick it fast... oh gosh

LordTom 12:45 I am, as fast as I can. Are you coming? are going to come on my face?

A1ic3g 12:46 i'm coming... i'm shaking and i suddenly yelp and freeze as your tongue continues to attack my clit

A1ic3g 12:47 slowly i go limp underneath you and beg you to stop

LordTom 12:47 Do i stop? or do i keep going?

A1ic3g 12:48 please stop... my clit gets so too sensitive...

A1ic3g 12:48 please stop... my clit gets so too sensitive...

LordTom 12:49 So i stop. I slide back up your body and kiss you on the mouth

A1ic3g 12:50 i can taste my cunt on your lips... i kiss back passionately

LordTom 12:51 The thing is, through my boxers, you can feel my throbbing, hot 8.5 inch cock against your cunt.

A1ic3g 12:53 i grope your boxers with my hands, feeling the size and shape of your big cock... oh tom

LordTom 12:54 What do you do next?

A1ic3g 12:56 i cup your balls as i put one hand inside of your boxers... my fingers exploring your long hot shaft, so impressive and so hard

LordTom 12:57 And?

A1ic3g 12:58 i gríp you as we continue to kiss... i maneuvre your cock so the head is out of your boxers and rubs my still slick, tender, cunt lips,

LordTom 12:59 Do you want it?

A1ic3g 01:01 i nod and groan, as i rub your fat head inside my cunt groove, making it as wet as i am and making you groan too

LordTom 01:02 I don't believe you. Beg.

A1ic3g 01:02 fuck me please tom...

LordTom 01:04 I lock eyes with you and slowly push into you. first an inch. then another. then another. Can you take it?

A1ic3g 01:05 i nod and bite your lip just a little... fuck me, just fuck meee

LordTom 01:07 Five more inches come slamming into you

A1ic3g 01:08 you feel so big that it's like you're stirring my insides... a little pain mixed with exquisite pleasure as you fill me up

LordTom 01:09 i pull almost all the way back out again, can you feel the emptyness?

A1ic3g 01:10 yes... youve stretched me, dont leave it now... take me

A1ic3g 01:10 how does it feel for you?

LordTom 01:11 Soo tight. sooo wet. sooo warm. I start slamming in and pulling back out faster and faster

LordTom 01:11 and harder and harder

A1ic3g 01:11 yes, do you like fucking me hard tom?

A1ic3g 01:12 i can feel you so deep

A1ic3g 01:12 i squeal as you take me

LordTom 01:13 can your housemate hear?

A1ic3g 01:13 yes she can hear... she can hear you taking me... she can hear me getting fucked

A1ic3g 01:14 she can almost heae your balls slapping me as you piston into my cunt

LordTom 01:14 do you care that she can hear?

A1ic3g 01:14 do you like that?

LordTom 01:15 I do.

A1ic3g 01:15 no i dont care... i like it, she'll know im with a well hung man

A1ic3g 01:16 she'll be a bit jealous of me

LordTom 01:18 I grab your legs and pull them so that they are together and pointing up 90 degrees from your body. I carry on fucking you hard at this new angle

A1ic3g 01:19 yes... i scream and curse as you fuck my cunt in this new way

A1ic3g 01:20 do you want her to hear everything, all of our dirty talk?

LordTom 01:21 I don't care who hears.

A1ic3g 01:21 yes

LordTom 01:24 I pull out and grab you bodily, flipping you over onto your knees, face in the pillow

A1ic3g 01:25 i whine and a rill of heat runs through me at the strength and command over my body you show

LordTom 01:27 I re-enter your cunt from behind, and start fucking you slowly

A1ic3g 01:28 mmmm i like that

LordTom 01:29 i grab your arms and hold them at wrists, crossed against your back. I start fucking you incrementally harder and faster

A1ic3g 01:31 i squeal louder again, youre completely in control of me, i feel exhiliration run through me as you start to pound me from behind, holding my wrists tight, think i

A1ic3g 01:31 i'm going to come again

LordTom 01:32 im getting close too. faster and harder and harder and faster

A1ic3g 01:33 i feel your cock expand deep inside me and i start to have a powerful vaginal orgasm, the kind that only a big cock can give me, i shake and sob as i come on your cock

LordTom 01:35 I let out a deep, animal groan as my cock explodes inside you

A1ic3g 01:35 yes, fill me up with your spunk

LordTom 01:37 i do, and as all the tension drains from our bodies, we collapse onto the bed.

A1ic3g 01:38 i try to hold your cock inside me still as we recover

LordTom 01:39 Panting slowly turns into deep breathing

A1ic3g 01:40 mmmmm

A1ic3g 01:41 so thats what sex with tom is like? ;)

LordTom 01:41 One hopes so

A1ic3g 01:41 with all the dirty words :)

LordTom 01:42 Yes, Fuck Yes.

A1ic3g 01:42 i wiggle my arse against you as we spoon

A1ic3g 01:42 fuck bum fanny wank lol

LordTom 01:43 I haven't cum IRL yet, lol

A1ic3g 01:43 lol... can i help?

A1ic3g 01:44 what makes you come the hardest?

LordTom 01:45 the sound of someone's loud orgasm

A1ic3g 01:46 im afraid ive had mine lol... you gave it to me

LordTom 01:47 when?

A1ic3g 01:47 while we fucked... i had my hand in my knickers

A1ic3g 01:48 feeling very dirty

A1ic3g 01:48 a bit slutty even

A1ic3g 01:48 thoughi dont really believe in the concept

LordTom 01:49 Nah, it's a bit of a doulbe standard, isn't it?

A1ic3g 01:50 yeah... but i like that sometimes, to think of decidedly unfeminist things... do you mind that?

LordTom 01:52 No, what we just virtually did didn't have an equal gender power distribution. But it was still fucking mind-blowing

A1ic3g 01:53 yes... you were in charge and i liked that best

LordTom 01:54 I want to give you something, a present to say thanks :)

A1ic3g 01:54 is it a creamy present lol

LordTom 01:55 It's a photo, if you're interested? I know it's a bit of a grey area

A1ic3g 01:55 shall we leave that for now?

LordTom 01:56 Ok, no worries :)

A1ic3g 01:56 but my email is ****************@gmail.com, if you want it :)

LordTom 01:59 Cheers, i've popped you a quick one, so you've got mine :)

A1ic3g 01:59 do you like popping a quick one sometimes then? lol

LordTom 02:02 haha :) I do indeed. As much as I like these marathon sessions, I am now quite shagged out.

LordTom 02:02 Pun intended.

A1ic3g 02:02 lol me too

A1ic3g 02:02 next time the briefest of fucks lol

A1ic3g 02:03 night night lord tom :)

LordTom 02:04 Good night, Alice x

The Next Night:

LordTom 08:06 Hey!

A1ic3g 08:06 hi mister tom :)

LordTom 08:07 how're you?

A1ic3g 08:08 good, tired after a long day of book shelving though

A1ic3g 08:08 how about you?

LordTom 08:10 i'm great. Covered in sawdust, but great!

A1ic3g 08:10 ha ha

A1ic3g 08:11 either you've been constructing something...

A1ic3g 08:11 or your hamster escaped? :P

LordTom 08:12 haha! No, i've been building scenery. all day.

A1ic3g 08:13 you must be exhausted too

LordTom 08:14 yeah, I am a bit

A1ic3g 08:14 i'd be glad to fetch you a beer and a snack :)

A1ic3g 08:14 or a nice bottle of cheap red wine

LordTom 08:16 I could probably live with that haha. No wine quite like cheap wine. is there?

A1ic3g 08:16 no, frankly i dont know if i'd enjoy the expensive stuff now

LordTom 08:19 I object on a philosophical level to paying more than 7 quid for a bottle

A1ic3g 08:19 i'm a 2-for-8-pounds kind of girl :)

A1ic3g 08:20 and then i;m anyone's :P

LordTom 08:22 That sounds like a situation I could take advantage of ;)

A1ic3g 08:24 ha :) you villain... ply me with wine, get my clothes off... how terrible ;)

A1ic3g 08:25 but if you MUST, i'll just take off this bra...

LordTom 08:26 mmm. These jeans are beginning to get tight

LordTom 08:26 in the crotchal region

A1ic3g 08:26 are you not a hipster whose jeans are always tight :P

LordTom 08:28 I am no hipster. The very thought! I'm wearing jeans appropriate to a workshop environment

A1ic3g 08:28 do you get hard quite easily? i always think it must be terrible for guys if that happens a lot... terrible for them, less so for me perhaps

A1ic3g 08:29 rugged tom :)

LordTom 08:31 It varies, tbh. I've been fighting memories of the other night all day, so that's had an effect

A1ic3g 08:32 really :) i'm very flattered

A1ic3g 08:32 it has popped into my mind too

A1ic3g 08:35 of course even if i shouted it out at work no one would much care... we librarians are all filthy sluts you see :o

LordTom 08:37 'tis a well known fact.

A1ic3g 08:37 *nods*

LordTom 08:41 Libraries are notorious for hook-ups, if you happen to live in a 1990s US teen movie.

A1ic3g 08:41 lol

A1ic3g 08:41 and makeovers

A1ic3g 08:41 in which they turn out to have unfeasibly huge tits

A1ic3g 08:42 i have never seen a hookup happen in my shorrt time working in a library sadly

A1ic3g 08:42 i'd probably have a good ogle from behind the sociology books

LordTom 08:44 Don't you mean sex-iology?

LordTom 08:44 I'm so sorry

A1ic3g 08:45 ha :) obviously i inspect the crotch of every good looking man who goes near women's studies

LordTom 08:46 Obsessed. That proves it!

A1ic3g 08:46 ha haaaa :)