Desires & Feelings

To use one of my husband's baseball terms, "He has a full count, at 2 strikes and 3 balls".

I was discussing another frustrating day at my new job, "He is such an asshole," I said.

My friend was shocked by my swearing, "Laura you never swear, it must be bad, why don't you just quit then?" she asked.

"I would if I could, but since the last place went bankrupt, there just aren't any jobs that pay as much," I said. "And I like selling, I just hate him."

I knew my face must be red because Nancy looked more and more concerned.

"Have you complained to anyone, to the store owners?" she asked.

"Yes, they seemed quite concerned and took lots of notes, but nothing has happened," I replied.

"What has he done?"

"He treats me like a rookie for one thing, even though I am an experienced salesperson, I had to go through all of the orientation and training just like I was fresh off the street, he's always butting into the training the sales manager is doing, and what makes me the most crazy, is that no one else seems to notice," I said getting louder and louder.

"Whoa, Laura, you're going to boil over," Nancy said.

"In our training meetings he does what's called "roast and toast" by the other sales people where he will ask totally random sales questions designed to make us think on our feet, it drives some people crazy," I told Nancy, so she could how horrible he was, but she was just quiet.

"Wouldn't that type of questioning, make you a better sales person Laura?" Nancy asked me, being totally blind to how annoying he was.

I started to get even hotter, and then just stopped, "That's not helping Nancy, don't take his side."

Gratefully Nancy changed the subject and I eventually settled down, but he was definitely under my skin, I didn't want to talk about him anymore, I don't think it is possible for me to hate someone more than I hated him, I could just scream.

Until now, my job had been the one area of my life that wasn't routine, boring, and hum drum, now this stupid bastard has taken even that away from me.

I was still thinking about it later that night when Nick picked tonight to want to have sex, I would have called it "making love" if I had been more involved.

To call Nick a good lover would be like calling a Chevy pickup truck a sports car. Sex with Nick was really only sex for Nick, and it had been this way for years. I had tried everything to get him to change, but he would listen and then agree, but the next time it was always just the same missionary position, with him screwing me until he came and then it was over.

As Nick climbed on top of me, I wondered if Nick even understood what "foreplay" was.

"The perfect end to a lousy day," I muttered and Nick didn't even notice as he fumbled trying to put his cock inside me.

Nick had never been much of a lover, we had married right out of high school, Nick had been a star hockey player and went to work in the car factory afterwards, like all his buddies. We had two kids right away and while I looked after them, Nick and his friends played hockey in the winter and ball in the summer, spent the nights drinking beer and watching games on TV.

One day rolled into the next, over and over again and I would have gone crazy if it hadn't been for the kids. It was like Nick lived each day the same way, each day seeming like a "beer commercial". When the kids went off to college two years ago, I went to work selling, and I was good at it.

I had an outlet, I studied and worked hard and got better and better, then the company went out of business literally overnight. The same manager who I now hated, actually offered me a job after talking to some of the reps. I wish I had known what was in store for me then, I likely wouldn't have taken the job knowing what I know now about him.

It didn't help that the new store was incredibly successful, and unbelievably most of their sales people thought a good deal of the credit should go to the manager which I couldn't believe. At least the owners knew better, when I complained they wrote pages of notes and couldn't thank me enough.

They said, "We have heard rumours of staff being unhappy with Paul, but until you, we couldn't get anyone to complain, so thank you very much, we want to take action on this."

I complained from then on almost every day, but still nothing happened, each night I screamed in the car on the way home, I was so frustrated at him and at my life.

I could feel Nick pounding my pussy, sex with him actually hurt because he didn't even try to make me wet, his sweaty hairy body was a complete turnoff for me, especially now as he got fatter and fatter. Unfortunately, because I had stayed in shape, took care of myself and still looked pretty sexy naked, even after two kids and twenty years, Nick always called me his MILF.

I laid there while he fucked me and I counted the ceiling tiles again, waiting for him to finish, and usually I didn't have to wait long. Tonight, was no different as Nick suddenly when rigid and groaned and I could feel his hot sticky cum fill my pussy. I could feel it leaking out of me, matting my pubic hair, a little dripping out of me and running down to my ass. Tonight, he had lasted about 5 minutes, a long time for him.

No kiss, nothing, Nick rolled over and within minutes he was sound asleep and snoring. Leaving me sticky, angry. unsatisfied, and even more mad at my new boss for wrecking the only good thing in my life.

I got up and cupping my pussy I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I let the rest of Nick's cum wash out onto the shower drain. Deciding to wash myself, I started at the top and rinsed my hair, letting my long blonde curls straighten under the hot water, the water ran down my shoulders and over my 36C's which sagged only slightly, to most people they would look still look firm, only I noticed. I used soap to rinse the cum out of hair down there, "God, I need to trim it, it is looking pretty wild," I almost thought Nick would start to say something about it, but Nick would never notice.

I reached around and accidently stroked my ass, stopping for a moment to enjoy the feel of my small hands on my still nicely rounded and tight ass. "All of the running, yoga, and zoomba; makes a difference," I smiled. My long legs were taut and led down to my tiny feet, for a woman that was 5.6, I had very tiny but incredibly sensitive feet. One of my secret fantasies was to have a lover lick and suck on each of my toes.

Even thinking about that made me wet. For a moment I considered using the shower to get myself off, then for some reason I thought about my new boss, and I was instantly turned off, even more than when I thought about Nick.

I got out and dried myself off and put on my "granny" nightie and climbed into bed, Nick was still snoring and I got up and went and slept in my daughter's room.

Lying in bed I couldn't fall asleep because the house was so hot, I tossed and I turned, finally I got up and went to my daughter's dresser to find a t-shirt to wear. I pulled off the sweaty nightie and turned on a small lamp to see what I was doing. Standing naked in my daughter's room, I opened what I thought was her t-shirt drawer and started looking inside.

It wasn't her t-shirt drawer anymore; it was her panty drawer. I started to close it, when I noticed something. I moved a normal pair of panties out of the way and saw some very fancy lingerie and sexy pairs of panties. My daughter was 21 and a woman, but still I was shocked that she had nicer lingerie than me.

I knew I should stop and respect her privacy, but something kept me from doing the right thing, I noticed half a box of condoms and then a vibrator and a small dark item that looked like another vibrator but it was shorter and flared at one end and then it narrowed and almost had its own stand ... "Holy fuck," I swore, it was a butt plug."

I quickly put everything back as neatly as I could, I was shocked, horrified really, that not only was my little girl having sex, but she was using her own sex toys, but I think the thing that bothered me more than anything was that I knew she was likely having more and better sex than me!

I felt envious, which surprised me more than anything, it wasn't the emotion I thought I should feel.

I forgot for a moment that I was looking for something to wear to bed and I got back up and looked in another drawer, thankfully this was closer to what I was looking for and I found an oversize t-shirt and I slipped it on and climbed back into bed.

I fell asleep almost immediately but I found I tossed and I turned, it wasn't until I woke up at 5:45 and I was lying there that I remembered where I was and then I remembered having some very vivid dreams.

I happened to move my butt over the sheets and felt the bottom sheet and it was slightly damp. Sniffing the air, I could smell the faint scent of my pussy and I was more than a little embarrassed as I realized my pussy was wet and my fingers smelled like my pussy.

Could I have masturbated in my sleep? I must have. I quickly gathered up the sheets and took them to the laundry room, it was a good thing my daughter was away in school. I tried to remember my dreams but could only remember bits and pieces, I do remember dreaming about sex, but it wasn't with Nick. The harder I tried, the less I remembered and finally I gave up, it was time to get ready. Usually I got up at 6:30, so today I knew I had a little extra time.

Feeling an unfamiliar buzz in my pussy, I smiled despite myself. That morning I decided to trim myself up a little. I didn't shave myself bare, but I trimmed and trimmed and then shaved my bush into a small triangle with the remaining pubic hair less than a quarter of inch long. Then I shaved my legs. By the time I was done, Nick was up and after a quick peck on the lips he started to get ready for work, he didn't even realize I had not slept with him.

While he showered, I went and got dressed, I started with my white panties, nothing at all like my daughter's, followed by a plain bra that held my breasts in place, functional but not sexy. Next a pair of formless gray slacks and a white blouse that was plainer than I would have liked, but it was what I wore everyday.

I wore no jewelry or makeup as I went downstairs for breakfast, Nick said he was running late and gave me another quick peck on the cheek and was gone.

Normally it wouldn't bother me, but today it did, the tears started and wouldn't stop.

"How did this happen to me?" I said to an empty room. I must have cried for 10 minutes, the prospect of having to work with my new boss almost made me sick, I thought about calling in sick, but then I would have to spend the day in an empty house.

Like a drone, I washed my face and dried my eyes, putting on a plain black pair of comfortable shoes I robotically got in the car and drove to work.

"Laura, you're a mess," I said to myself, "You're stuck, you can't go back, you can't go forward, and you can't stay where you are," I almost started to cry again but I was almost at work.

I was a few minutes late and now I expected, Paul, my boss to ream me out for being late, but amazingly he didn't say anything.

Paul was the duty manager today because the sales manager, Matt was off and I dreaded having to go to Paul for help. Fortunately, my first three customers were simple sales and I was able to get the office manager to sign off, since we needed a manager to sign off on all sales.

It wasn't until later on that I had to ask a question and there was a lineup of 3 other sales people. I couldn't help but overhear their questions and Paul's responses. I had never really listened before and was a little surprised at how calm and helpful he was to each of them. One of the people was new to the store, like me they were experienced and I thought they should know the answer, but he helped them without judgement.

I almost didn't realize that he had helped me too until I was going back to my customer with his answer, I didn't even remember asking him the question, but he gave me what I needed super-quick and it made the difference getting the sale.

At lunchtime, I slipped out to the bank and walking past the artist's coop I spied a necklace. Normally I would never have made an impulse purchase, but after the last few weeks, I gave in and bought it. I felt I deserved something pretty, and it had been a long time since I had felt that way, I realized.

Slipping the handmade necklace on, I felt a little better. The afternoon passed uneventfully, no questions, no sales, and no interaction with Paul.

The next day, I heard his voice in the distance while I was straightening some stock and he said, "Mary, how's your daughter doing with her job search," Mary was another sales person who happened to have daughter who was looking for work.

"Fine, thanks very much Paul, the interview practice that you did with her after work last week helped so much, she got that job," Mary said.

Paul's response was muffled and I was puzzled. Just then he walked past me and said "Hello," and added, "Laura, I really like that necklace, it really suits you," and then he was gone.

No one else had said anything or likely even noticed the necklace, but he did, that bastard and prick that I hated, was he just patronizing me, trying to suck up because he realized he was a jerk?

Mary walked up to me. She knew how I felt about him because it wasn't a secret on the staff, I think I had complained to everyone who would listen about Paul.

"He's really not that bad Laura, he's not a jerk, he really helped my daughter practice for her interview," she said quietly but surprisingly firm.

"I'm not convinced," I said still feeling that he wasn't sincere.

"Suit yourself Laura," and Mary walked away.

That afternoon the store was supposed to close at 6pm, but I had a customer that kept me late, really late, I went to get some questions answered and realized that Paul was the only person left in the office.

"Where did everyone go?" I asked him.

"I let them go home at 6:30," he replied looking up from one of the front desks.

"I have a credit application that needs to be done, I'll have to let the customer go because I needed an office person to do it, Fuck," I said more angry and louder than I likely should have.

"I can do it," he said "Bring the customer up to the counter, you start entering the bill," in a voice that I took to be patronizing again.

I was surprised, he had the credit application done, approved, and the paperwork completed before I finished the sales bill, then he said to my customers, "Here you go, everything is completed, your approved, and your lucky to have worked with Laura, she was one of our best associates, even though she is new."

My customers agreed, thanked him, and apologized for keeping us late. I walked them to the door and grabbed my things. Walking past the office area, I heard Paul say, "That was a good sale Laura, have a nice night."

I kind of muttered, "good bye." Being nice for one or two days wasn't going to cut it and I left, angry at being patronized again.

My routine didn't really change much for the next couple of days, Paul seemed nicer but I still felt it was insincere and said as much to Mary over coffee a few days later.

"He is so phony, pretending to be interested, giving me fake compliments, telling my customers how good I am, I can see right through him. I'm still complaining to owners every chance I get about what an asshole he is." I was getting more angrier the more I realized how he was playing me.

Mary listened for about 10 minutes and finally she turned to me and said with a force that surprised me, "Laura, I like you and you are a good sales person, but quite frankly you have your head up your ass if you think he is an asshole. The man is at work long before the rest of us and is often the one who closes each night. Yes, he pushes us hard, but we are the most successful store in the chain and he defends us against the owners more than you could know."

I started to object and she cut me off. "Laura, he's not a saint, but he works harder than any manager I have ever had, he will help anyone who comes and asks for help, even if it means having to stay later to get his own work done, the owners can't stand him because he stands up for himself and us and they attack him all of the time," she took a second to breath.

"So if you want to attack him, go ahead, but don't do it around me anymore because you are complaining about the wrong person and I am sick of it, and so is everyone else, so open your fucking eyes and consider that you are dead wrong," and then she turned on her heels and stormed away.

I couldn't believe it, I didn't think Mary liked Paul any more than I did, I was shocked at how strongly she defended him. When I told Nancy about it later, she said she agreed, she knew Paul from the volunteering that he did at the high schools giving free seminars and workshops about job skills.

"Why didn't you say something before?" I asked.

"I was getting ready to, but you seemed to need to have a target and you can be pretty stubborn." She smiled.

That night lying in bed, I wondered, thinking back on everything that had happened and looking at his actions I realized that maybe I had been wrong. The training Paul had made me do was more complete than any other sales training I had ever done before. Even the roast and toast, as tough as it was; doing it was making me more prepared than I ever had been before at the other store. Mary was right, he helped everyone that came to him in a calm way that seemed to breath confidence into people.

Then Nick snored, I looked at the clock "1:47" and no matter how I pushed Nick he would not stop. Getting up I decided to sleep in my daughter's room again.

It was another warm night and walking down the hall I pulled the heavy granny nightie over my head and instantly felt cooler. A slight breeze tickled me and I felt my nipples harden automatically, almost with thinking my hands cupped my breasts. As my small fingers pinched my nipples, I could feel a warmth between my legs.

I paused and I could hear Nick snoring and I shook my head, but my fingers never stopped and being naked and alone I knew what I needed to do.

I entered my daughter's room and locked the door, going to her drawer, the one from the other night, I opened it and carefully removed the vibrator. I flipped the switch and it deliciously vibrated in my hand, a buzz of excitement swept through my body, my hands actually started to shake and I lay down on the bed.

Closing my eyes and steadying my nerve, I spread my legs so that one foot was on each side of the twin bed. My nipples were hard as rocks and my breathing was coming in little gasps.

I turned the vibrator one and lowered it to the waiting heat of my pussy. I jumped when the surface of the rubber skin touched my sex, this was so bad, but oh so necessary.

I inhaled as the vibrator moved against me, the rubber warming to the heat coming from my body, I controlled the vibrator with one hand while my second hand rediscovered my nipples and alternately pinched and pulled on my sensitive nubs. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and my mouth went dry.

The tips and sides of the toy played with the folds of my vagina, I moved it up and down and side to side, I could feel the moisture coating the fake cock with each pass and it moved easier and smoother against me. My breathing became more laboured and deeper, my hips rose to meet it. I slipped it down and against my opening, hesitating and then moving against me, I pushed the tip harder as it entered me.

With my eyes closed I could sense the colour blue in my mind, slowly with each inch the colours moved from the cool end of the spectrum into slight reds and burgundies. At about two inches, the first of many moans escaped from my mouth and I licked my lips and arched my back. I pinched my nipples harder and the slight pain was exquisite combined with the pleasure between my legs.