I'd left Roger's place full of righteous fury, but by the time I made it back to my flat share it had mostly burned out. I couldn't even bring myself to dramatically slam the door. I just felt stupid. How dare he cheat on me, and on Valentine's Day of all days?
I knew rugby, and the team, was his life. He'd been all "So sorry babe, but that's when the game has been scheduled. We'll do our stuff another night, yeah? I love you every day, babe, and it's all so commercial now. We can have a night twice as good for half the price any other day."
He was right, of course. And he was on the squad for the game and scored a couple of tries. But I don't think he expected me to show up afterwards to surprise him. Not by the way he was ploughing into that slut in the shower to celebrate his victory.
Nine months. Nearly a year of my life pissed away on that miserable sack of shit. I'd shaved and plucked and preened, and fiddled with my hair, and painted my damn nails, all for nothing. And fuck, the straps on this lingerie were cutting into me something wicked. Lingerie I couldn't really afford, either. Fuck's sake.
"Is that you, Soph?" my flatmate called out.
"No, it's the fucking Spanish Inquisition," I yelled back. Then instantly regretted it when Pete went off into a monologue about surprise; fear and surprise...
Normally he'd've gone on for ages - do the whole sketch - but when he saw my face, he cut off abruptly.
"No... Oh Sophie, I'm so sorry. That bastard."
I'd stayed strong the whole way home. But faced with the pity and empathy of my best friend, I fell into the safety of his arms and cried my bloody heart out.
///
Pete and I had met early in our first year at university. He was kind, and funny, and smart. Everything I'd want in a guy, to be honest - but he wasn't interested. He'd broken up with his girlfriend just before term started, and he wasn't interested in getting into another relationship.
Well, I say girlfriend. I'd got the impression, reading between the lines, that Kathy had been leading him on. Using him as a sort-of private tutor, paying him in sex, and then tossing him aside once she'd got her grades and placement offers. At universities on the other side of the country.
The two of us hit it off almost straight away. Same sense of humour. Same interests, or near enough. But there was no question of us getting romantically involved. He was hurting, and I... I was in my wild phase, looking for casual fun rather than something long term. By the time I met Roger, Pete and I had settled into a strong friendship which neither of us was going to jeopardise with a clumsy romantic move.
///
The tears for Roger came and went. Pete and I had a long talk about how shitty men are, while working our way through a bottle of particularly fine red.
"He didn't deserve you anyway. Muscle for brains."
"He was actually quite sweet once you got him away from his rugger buggers..."
Pete wasn't having any of that. "Oh no you don't. No defending him. Remember what he did to you." He sipped at the wine. "I mean, what an arsehole! You're the best any man could get, what the fuck was he thinking?"
"Exactly," I thought. Solidarity, sister. Um, brother. Whatever. The wine was starting to soften things. Except for the underwire in this damn torture device that called itself a bra. I needed to get into my fluffy PJs, stat, and then we could eat popcorn and watch a cheesy movie together while snuggling up on the sofa.
I stood, wobbled a little, and absently tugged at the hem of the short dress to re-cover my modesty. Not that Pete cared, he was like my brother. I looked up at his face and smiled.
His eyes flicked up to mine, and there was the tiniest flash of guilt over his face, which then immediately went totally blank.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Sure," he replied, too quickly.
I stood there in front of him, and the silence lasted a bit too long. Suddenly I felt a little awkward, hanging in the lounge with my best friend while wearing my fuck-me-hard Valentine's outfit. I could see the strain on his face, trying to stop his eyes flicking over my body. Eyes that had a fire burning in the pupils. A fire that called to something low inside me.