Demolition Derby Time

Farm Country Demolition Derby

In McCoy County in Southern Illinois, like hundreds of other counties in the Midwest and South, it wouldn't be a County Fair without a Demolition Derby. For the uninformed, a Demo Derby is an event that brings together a bunch of grease monkeys, farm boys, shade tree mechanics and assorted other hard-working rural boys and occasional girls and their specially prepared old jalopies into an arena to bang all hell out of each other's vehicles to see who is the last man standing. It's great fun.

If you want to play, you need a car. Big old heavy cars are best, something like a 1982 Buick Roadmaster station wagon is about as good as it gets, but they are hard to find anymore. Get it running but don't be too concerned if the engine has a bad knock or the brakes aren't working. You won't be driving far and you don't need breaks. Remove all the glass and the back seat. Remove the gas tank and replace it with an explosion proof one gallon can that is well strapped down to the floor. Chop off the mufflers and all the exhaustion system, rig a pipe to send the exhaust up through the hood. It is a good idea to pull the lining out of wheel wells, they get crushed and cut tires and while there is nothing wrong with driving around on flat tires or even bare rims, it is hard to get much traction.

Some drivers like to paint them safety orange or florescent yellow, others prefer to leave the original paint to make them less of a target when everyone is looking for someone to crash into. Paint a number on it so the PA announcer can identify you. Welding on extra steel to make fenders and bumpers more collusion proof is illegal and if you sneak a reinforcement past the officials there is still a good chance that other competitors will notice and you will get your ass thoroughly kicked during AND after the event.

To make it more interesting and a little more safe, the officials water down the dirt arena before each heat. The county sheriff and all the deputies will usually be on hand, fights are known to break out often. An ambulance and fire truck will be just outside the arena just in case, but the EMTs, firemen or even the deputies might have cars entered in the Demo.

Depending on the number of entries, the action normally takes place in heats of a dozen or so cars and drivers. The last two or three still running in each heat go back to the pits and bang out dents, change tires and whatever else they can do to get ready for the final.

In the first heat at the McCoy County Fair a burley over the road trucker named George Thompson driving an old Cadillac showed them how it's done. Normally it isn't a good idea to use a Caddy for a demo car, everybody like to crash into a Caddy. Most impacts happen with vehicles moving backward. A good crash into the front end will probably mash the radiator and even if the car makes it through the heat without burning up the engine, installing a replacement salvage yard radiator between the heat and final is not an easy task. George used the rear end of his Caddy like a battering ram and knocked at least five cars out himself.

In the second heat the Johnson twins along with Tom Weaver survived. The twins worked together when they were in the same heat, they ganged up on other cars and seldom hit each other. Tom's wife May Sue was in the pits, she worked as a mechanic in the mines and was good with a cutting torch which came in handy with crushed car parts needed to be cut away between heats. Tom was a quiet man who worked as a HD/AC service man. His alter ego came through when he got behind the wheel of his demo car.

In the third heat a local coal mine heavy equipment operator named Arnie Mays was a local favorite that everybody cheered for. Arnie always drove an old Chevy Caprice in the Demos, he knew how to prepare them and always crashed with all the speed he could deliver, he wasn't afraid of head-on collisions. The crowds loved the way Arnie seemed to crash just for the fun of crashing. Also in the same heat was Truman Jones, everybody booed Truman. He ran away from collisions, often hiding behind a disabled car until he heard the announcer say "car number 98 you have two minutes to hit another car or you will be disqualified." Then he would go find someone who was nearly disabled and lightly back into him.

Surprisingly Arnie made it through his heat, kamikaze drivers seldom survive the first heat. Truman also survived, but by the end of the heat the folks in the grandstand were giving him the PUSSY cheer. All of them in unison were yelling "PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY! Jones is a PUSSY!" McCoy County appreciates a banger and has no respect for a guy they consider to be a pussy.

In the final heat Benny Stone was driving in only his second Demo. Watching the heat before with Arnie and Truman being soundly cheered and booed, Benny decided to throw caution to the wind and become a banger. Everybody knew Benny as the football lineman who terrorized opposing runners and quarterbacks for four years at the local high school. Benny had gone to Missouri State on a football scholarship, but destroyed his ACL in the second game of the season. Benny had his mind made up that he was going to do some serious banging, in his head he knew it was going to be just like Friday night football games when everybody cheered for him. Benny put on quite a show, taking advantage of every opportunity to collide with somebody, amazingly he made it to the final.

Another finalist from the fourth heat was Lois Leamon. Lois was the only woman who had ever entered the McCoy Demo and she had been coming for several years. At about 5'5" and weighing 250 pounds, Lois fit right in with the other drivers. She had been in her share of yelling, shoving and punching episodes. In the early years nobody wanted to be accused of picking on a woman, but even worse they didn't want to be eliminated by a woman. After a few years she was accepted as one of the guys. For the McCoy fair she was driving a Mary Kay pink Caddy and she made it to the finals.

Laying on the ground under the car and next to his wife May Sue, Tom Weaver was wound up tight. They were prying and hammering on a fender that was almost rubbing a tire. Their old Crown Vic had lots of dents and one flat tire, but with a new tire and rim it was sound for the final.

"Tom, keep the adrenalin flowing, stay on edge, get out there and crash somebody, hit 'em hard," said May Sue. "I know getting into the final gives you a hard on. You are going to get back out there and show 'em who has the biggest cock around. You're my hero babe. I'm so damned turned on I might just jump you right here under the car when you finish crushing those bastards."

Demolition Derbies have that kind of effect on men AND women. After a night of crashing cars, drinking a few beers, and possibly throwing a few punches, getting laid is high on the agenda for typical drivers and crews.

In the final the Johnson twins immediately targeted Truman Jones. They came at him from both sides at the same time, he pulled forward but one of the twins managed to hit him hard in the left rear tire area. Immediately after the twins pulled away George Thompson backed square into his front end crushing his radiator. One by one they took shots at him without bothering to run into anybody else until Truman was shoved up against the fence in a mangled and totally disabled vehicle. The crowd went wild and it was time for the rest of the banging to begin.

Both Arnie and Bennie, the two kamikazes, were disabled early, but not before wiping out at least one other car each. When George Thompson knocked out the last remaining Johnson twin he started a car fire so the fire truck had to come in and put it out. The break gave the drivers in disabled cars a chance to get out of their vehicles and behind the fence. As they were walking off Truman Jones ran up to Arnie Mays and landed a haymaker punch that sent him to the dirt. As other drivers and the deputies ran into the fracas, fans started coming over the fence. One of the firemen quickly turned the high pressure hose on the mob and gave them a good soaking which sent most of them back into the grandstands. The deputies managed to separate Truman from some drivers and pit crew who had him cornered. They led him off to put him in the back seat of a patrol car for his own protection. Arnie Mays managed to get to his feet and with blood dripping off his chin from a broken nose, he made a mad dash for the two deputies who were leading Truman away. Other drivers managed to hold him back, but not before they got splattered with Arnie's blood themselves.

No shots were fired, no stabbings, no one had to be transported to the hospital, it wasn't really all that much blood, it was just a short interruption in the Demo. The three remaining drivers, George Thompson, Tom Weaver, and Lisa Leamon were back in their cars and ready to do more banging. The crowd was going wild.

Tom had trouble getting his car started when they were ready to restart, by the time he had his car moving Lisa already had herself positioned to slam into him hard. She hit him with the rear end of her car in reverse, but there was already so much damage on her car that she slid up on top of his hood, leaving her rear tires off the ground. Tom drove forward and pushed her in front of him.

"Get off my man you fat ass bitch," yelled May Sue Waver from her perch on top of the pit side fence as Tom was attempting to get her car off his hood. His tires were spinning in the mud and Lisa had no way to get off his hood. George could have tapped either of them a few times and left them alone until they were both declared disabled, and he would be the winner, but that would not be any fun. He delivered a hard hit to Lisa from the side and knocked her off Tom's hood.

With Lisa off his hood Tom was able to work his way out of the mud and toward the edge of the arena where the ground was dryer. It appeared that George and Tom were ganging up on Lisa as they were chasing her down without attempting to hit each other.

"Gangbang the lezbo bitch," yelled a man in the stands. Lisa's 60 year old mom took offense to the idea and turned around and slapped the man. He punched Lisa's mom and all hell broke loose from the good folks in the stands who were not about to put up with anybody punching an old lady. By the time the deputies arrived the alliances on the track had shifted, in trying to get in position to back into Lisa, George had ignored Tom who backed into his left front and left George's left front tire seriously wobbling. Tom pulled forward and backed up for another hard blow that disabled George entirely.

Everyone was just following the unwritten rules of Demo Derby behavior. It is acceptable for multiple people to gang up on another driver, but remember at some point the alliance will switch and your partner will be aiming for you. Don't let your guard down, your own mother would knock you out if she had the opportunity.

May Sue and the other wives and girlfriends on the fence were going wild yelling for both Tom and Lisa. All of them wanted to see a woman win, but May Sue was wishing it wasn't Tom that she had to crush to win.

Tom and Lisa played cat and mouse around the wrecked cars, both of them faked a couple runs to see how the other would respond. As Lisa began to pull out from behind a wrecked car Tom made his move with a forward charge, but Lisa got her Caddy in reverse in time to get back behind the wreck. By the time Tom got stopped he was beyond the wreck and Lisa charged forward and hit him in the driver's side door. When she backed up for another hit Tom drove forward and escaped. He made his way to the other side of the arena with no wrecked cars around him, and got his Crown Vic pointed in the general direction of Lisa's Caddy. Lisa understood the challenge and she pulled out into the open as well. They both stomped on their accelerators at exactly the same time and charged across the arena for final fateful crash. People in the stands who had been punching each other stopped fighting and cheered together as the two finalists charged head on.

With mud flying and fans screaming there was a hell of a crash in the middle of the arena. The front wheels of both cars came off the ground as the back tires kept spinning. Tom's hood was buckled so he couldn't see in front of him. Radiators of both cars were spewing water and steam. Lisa managed to get her car in reverse and backed up ten feet. Tom's car wouldn't move from the point of the collision. When Lisa tried to drive forward to deliver another blow, her car died as well, but she was the last driver standing and the $1000 prize was hers.

The drinking, cheering and occasional fighting went on for another hour or so. An equipment operator with a big fork lift had most of the wrecked cars lined up next to the access road where a salvage dealer would pull up in the morning with flatbed trucks to haul them away.

In the pits the coolers came out and large quantities of Budweiser and Bush Light were consumed. Drivers and pit crews who had been screaming and punching each other earlier were now drinking buddies again. Lisa was queen of the junk heap. She and her dad who was a mechanic for a farm equipment dealer enjoyed their time in the spotlight, everybody had loved the Mary Kay pink Caddy and every driver was getting serious razzing about losing to a woman.

May Sue lead Tom back past the tree line behind the pits and dropped her jeans to her ankles. She leaned over and grabbed hold of a sturdy maple tree as Tom ploughed into her from behind. If they had listened closely they might have heard one of the Johnson twins and a woman who was not his wife grunting and moaning nearby. On their way back to the pits and with a warm load of cum soaking her panties, May Sue and Tom saw Benny Stone getting a dual blow job from two women who were sitting on the back of his trailer.

Some drivers were thinking about what kind of cars to look for and how they were going to prepare them for next year's Demo. Other drivers already had cars ready to go for Demos that would take place in surrounding counties within the next few weeks. It was all great fun.