Please remember to vote and send feedback. This series has a long story line, so if you want to catch up, check out a few earlier chapters...especially Chapter 9. Many thanks.
"Are you happy with our little office family here, Dee?" my boss, Dr. Neil McCarthy, asked me.
"Absolutely, Dr. Neil," I said. "Can't imagine doing anything else. In fact, I'd like to stay 'til I retire, just like Mandy's doing." It'd always been easy to talk with Dr. Neil, but today I was very nervous, expecting him to discipline me severely for my having taken a handful of painkilling drugs from the pharmaceutical cabinet.
Dr. Neil, as we called him, was the son, also a dentist, of Dr. Sean McCarthy - now retired - who had opened the office over thirty years ago. I now managed the dental practice that Dr. Neil had inherited as a junior partner.
"How long have you been with us?" he asked.
"Seven years," I said, at the same time that he blurted out the answer to his own question. He snickered and blushed, indicating his own agitation, which I'd seldom seen in Dr. Neil. Our relationship had always been garnished with humor - partly to overcome his shyness, I think - so this Saturday morning's awkward atmosphere was not only unusual, but especially difficult for the both of us. He'd summoned me to the office today to talk about the missing drugs, among other things. "Remember, you hired me when you were right out of dental school!" I reminded him. Dr. Neil was five years my senior, about 37.
"Uuuh, right," he said, quietly. "Mandy tells me you're going through some terribly rough times right now," he said. "She told me about your awful attack...your r-r-rape," he stuttered slightly, a dead giveaway that he was very bothered, "and how you've dealt with the shock by using Percodan," he continued. He seemed completely unable to look me in the eye as he spoke. Mandy had said that he'd been extremely angry and shattered by the news of my assault two weeks previously.
"I've...I've also decided to get a divorce, Dr. Neil," I said, probably telling him more than I should at this juncture. "It's just that...Frank and I are so cruel to each other. It's just not working anymore. I'm hoping it'll be amicable, but...I just don't know." I spared him the prurient details.
"God! That's an awful lot of stress for you all at once, Dee!" he mumbled, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes with his fists. Then, he looked at me and blurted, "Look, one thing at a time. I've got to tell you, I'm...I'm very disappointed at your...your lifting Percodan from the cabinet. Those are prescription drugs that I'm responsible for, and you are too, since you're my most trusted employee." Then he changed his tone: "On the other hand...God, Dee...I'm so, so sorry!" His voice almost cracked with emotion as he spoke.
"I know, Dr. Neil," I muttered, interrupting him and hoping that at least I'd averted being fired. "But I've been desperate! At the end of my rope! I panicked - literally - and needed something to anesthetize myself so badly...and I didn't know where to turn...where else to turn."
"You should've come to me, Dee," he murmured. His surprising words were very kind, though they now seemed ineffectual as my crises had taken on much larger dimensions. "I would have helped you," he continued. I glanced at him and saw something - a very tender look - in his eyes, which he intentionally disguised by removing and wiping his glasses as I looked more intently. "You know, when I hired you, I thought you were...". He hesitated as he slipped his glasses back on and opened a file in front of him, staring at a smiling picture of me taken eight or so years before. I realized that he was looking through my personnel file. "I thought you were...one of the finest people I'd ever met," he continued, smiling slightly to himself. "Your education, personality, intelligence, your presence...your...your incredible beauty." He hesitated, pulling himself together, then said rather stiffly, "Ahhh, you've done our business a lot of good over the years, Dee," glancing quickly over at me. "And I want to thank you."
"Thank you, Dr. Neil. But I haven't been an angel," I said, feeling both guilty and self-contemptuous. "Particularly recently." For some reason I suddenly wanted to confess everything to him and said, "I...I've been having an...an affair, and - worse - I've found out a lot of scary stuff about myself...and sex. Especially about sex," I emphasized. "My behavior's gotten out of control."
Slightly embarrassed and trying to avoid details, he said, "Mandy's told me a little about some of your...uuh, problems, Dee, and I want you to know I'll keep them very confidential. Are you...ummm...seeing a therapist?" he asked.
"The rape-crisis doctor next door," I admitted. "But we've barely gotten started."
"Well, she should be able to help you," he said. "But for now we've got to get you on something that's healthier than Percodan. Did you take any of that this morning?" he asked.
I shook my head, indicating no. I wished that I had popped a pill, though, since I was feeling anxious and very shaky.
"Good," he said. "Beginning now, taper off gradually 'til it's out of your system. Then, for your panic attacks, I recommend Klonopin. My wife takes it and it's pretty benign, though can be habit-forming. Here's a sample. Take it and see how you feel later. If it's okay, I'll write you a prescription."
I took the tablet and walked to the bathroom for a cup of water, glad to be out of Dr. Neil's cramped, closet-sized office. I sensed that he, too, was glad to take a break from me, since our conversation had been so serious. Under normal circumstances, by this time one of us would have lightened the mood with an attempt at wit or a joke. Today's heavy conversation was far from the norm and I felt a rising tension between us that had become almost palpable.
I'm really lucky to have such a great boss, though, I thought. He's so...so concerned. He's superficially jovial most of the time, but when an employee is having difficulties, he can be very supportive, attentive, and...caring. And he's cute, I smiled to myself, having seldom thought of him in that way, kind of like a cuddly cousin...a leprechaun...so different from my ideal man, the tall, blond-ish, hunky type.
Back in his office, he asked, "Has Mandy ever told you about her social groups, Dee?"
"Well, we went to a lunch club one day, and it got pretty, uuh...raucous," I answered, hoping Mandy hadn't told him about me giving a blow job to our French waiter, who'd done double duty as a male stripper at the wild, women-only party.
"That's not the group I mean," he said. Again he hesitated, searching for the right words. "Thirty years ago my Dad joined an exclusive, secret club. He'd just hired Mandy for his office. She was 21 at the time. As you know, she's been with the business ever since, ending up the financial manager. She's also been an assistant member of that secret club all this time."